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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 25/07/2019 21:34

I have some sympathy for op. It was insanely hot today. If I had have been stuck for nearly three hours on a train, I would have been absolutely desperate to get home. My dh would have been there, as I would I have been for him, knowing how desperately they would want to get home. If they were always late, and were again, that would rankle. I'm not sure I'd be cross all weekend though op, but definitely grumpy with the heat.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/07/2019 21:34

I often give lifts to someone with a leg injury. Sometimes Its difficult for both to arrive "on the dot".. you might have a truck doing an 8 point turn or the train might be late.
i could understand if it was half an hour's wait, but 8 minutes is really nothing. It's what mobile phones are for.
For your own sake don't let this ruin your and your DH's entire weekend.

Cockw0mble · 25/07/2019 21:35

2 whole bags!! This changes everything!! You poor poor woman.

Oh no, wait, it changes nothing Biscuit

OldAndWornOut · 25/07/2019 21:35

How do you know its going to ruin your weekend?
Its only Thursday.

I'd be really irritated if I had had a horrible journey and just wanted to get home, but you're home now, with a freshly hoovered car.
Relax.

lyralalala · 25/07/2019 21:36

It’ll ruin your weekend because you won’t be able to talk to him? It’s thursday - if you are going to fume over less than 10 mins for a whole weekend then you have anger issues

Especially if your husband was right that had he not vacuumed the car he’d have got shit for that.

I’d be telling you to get a cab next time

feathermucker · 25/07/2019 21:36

Your update doesn't take anything away from the fact that it was ONLY 8 minutes.

Still fuming?

Get a grip.

Hassled · 25/07/2019 21:36

I don't think the OP sounds awful at all. 2.5 hours with luggage in the hell hole that is rail travel at the moment and he couldn't be arsed to be there on time? And of course this isn't going to be a one-off - this is going to be a tipping point after many times she's been low priority and he cannot be arsed to be there when she needs him to be there.

saraclara · 25/07/2019 21:37

I'd be irritated because of the heat. But as for not speaking to him, and it ruining your entire weekend? That's just nuts.

You do actually sound like a person that he'd be scared of upsetting because the car wasn't hoovered.

SummerSix · 25/07/2019 21:37

Yeah Id have made your ungrateful ass walk home.

You're 3 mins from the station. Why couldn't you walk home anyway.

nocoolnamesleft · 25/07/2019 21:37

Go apologise to your DH, and thank him for picking you up.

MiniPharm · 25/07/2019 21:38

You're mental

NotSorry · 25/07/2019 21:38

Ruin your weekend? It’s only bloody Thursday Shock

notangelinajolie · 25/07/2019 21:38

You have had a bad day and quite rightly are in a bad mood. However, I don't think you should take it out on your DP - he came to pick you up so I really don't see your problem. As a non driver I would be very grateful for anyone giving me a lift anywhere, even if they were late. Chill or perhaps not on this hot day have wine and you will be fine.

CatInADoghouse · 25/07/2019 21:39

Have a cool shower, take a deep breath and apologise to your DH. You can't expect someone to be at a location the exact minute that you want them to be. You're being very unfair and very controlling. I can understand you were hot (we all are today) and frustrated with the transport but you shouldn't take it out on your DH. Put your big girl pants on and apologise! YABU

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/07/2019 21:41

8 minutes and it's going to ruins your weekend Confused

museumum · 25/07/2019 21:41

I have some sympathy. My dh will never ever ever get somewhere to pick me up before I get there. So if he’s driving rather than risk having to sit and wait in the climate controlled car for five minutes he’ll always get there after I do so I stand outside in the heat / cold / rain.
I find it so so selfish. Just once I’d like to see him waiting somewhere for me. But he will not wait. He also will not queue anywhere for anything. It’s the worst thing about him.

CloserIAm2Fine · 25/07/2019 21:41

YABU you were hot and bothered and frustrated and you took it out on the wrong person. We’ve all done it, I bet a lot of us have done it today in this heat (I know I have). But you need to apologise and move on.

He was doing you a favour picking you up. And I notice you told him an earlier time so you were quite happy for him to be kept waiting for you.

steff13 · 25/07/2019 21:41

I can understand being irritated because you had an irritating day. But to still be upset, and to let it ruin the next three days, that's excessive.

LostInNorfolk · 25/07/2019 21:43

Are you always such a drama llama?

Shockers · 25/07/2019 21:43

I think you owe your husband an apology. He hoovered the car so that it would be nice for you and then drove to collect you. Your train journey wasn’t his responsibility or fault. Please don’t waste your weekend (and his) stewing on this.

Userplusnumbers · 25/07/2019 21:43

Fucking hell OP, I'm currently stuck in Frankfurt over night after my second cancelled flight today - I also checked my bag so have had to buy a change of clothes and also have zero toiletries. My point is - I'm only mildly annoyed, I couldn't imagine letting 8 minutes delay ruin my entire weekend or making me so angry I couldn't speak to my DP.

Hillaria · 25/07/2019 21:43

So you expected him to stop hoovering the car, put all the hoovering stuff away, go to the station to collect you, get all the hoovering stuff out again, and finish the job? If I were your DH, I'd have thought "only another five minutes, then this job is another thing knocked off the list", and I'd have carried on. I wouldn't have done if it had been 15 minutes, obviously. I'd also be bloody grateful to anyone who collected me from the station, and wouldn't be fussing about a short wait.

Arnoldthecat · 25/07/2019 21:44

Well mumsnet is a good place for a no nonsense reality check and some honest feedback. Its been as very hot day which raises tensions. I think we can all understand op being irritable. Case closed.?

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 21:44

I'd have been pissed off too. He knew your arrival time. I'd not let it ruin a weekend but I'd certainly be slightly peeved for the rest of the evening. I can't abide lateness, no matter the circumstances.

Onceuponacheesecake · 25/07/2019 21:45

I think your understandably grumpy from the heat and your journey. You were rude to your OH and should apologise.