To ask for your most "You couldn't make this shit up" stories...

[TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit]

I work for a retail company at our head office. We received a call from a man who wanted to exchange 2 garments as he bought the wrong size.

No problem.

I ask for the product codes on the labels.... took a while but he found them. All the while he is telling me that it is for his customers in Brazil. How he likes to get them presents, etc, etc. So sounds like a competent manager type, possibly business owner.

I ask what sizes does he have and what would he like to swap them for. This is when it got a little odd.

For some reason he just couldn't find the size on the label. Next minute I hear him shout:

"Jessica! Jessica! Susan!! Oi, I need a woman here! You woman know size labels! Susan!"

So 'Jessica' comes running up on the other side and finds the size for him. It's a size 3-4 kids t-shirt.

Then he starts saying to 'Jessica': "This won't fit, will it? Do you think it will fit?" 'Jessica' sounds unsure.

Next minute I hear him shout: "Bring me a child! Get me a 3 year old! Yes, yes, just get me a child! A 3 year old!"

He says: "Turtle, I'll phone you back in a minute" and puts the phone down

Dumbfounded, we're all wondering what the hell kind of business this man is in if he can just conjure up a child of a specific age? My colleagues make me promise to ask him his business, just to put our minds at rest.

He never phoned back! I guess it fit the 3 year old child they found for him?

It was just such a bizarre conversation. Have you had any weird or wonderful stories to tell?

I worked at AA head office (breakdown service, not alcoholics anon...)

We had an irate woman turn up at reception demanding to see the CEO, but they sent me because I was a company spokeswoman.

The woman was demanding compensation for some concert tickets that her daughter had bought, but got lost driving to the event and missed the main act.

The woman said that for other events, the AA put up temporary signs with directions to events, but we hadn’t for this concert so it was our fault her daughter had missed the concert, so we should refund her for the tickets and compensate her for missing out

Me, holiday rep overseas in the 90’s.
Before mobile phones but I had a bleep.
Bleep goes off in the small hours.
I go to the nearest phone box and phone the hotel number on my bleep.

Young woman in reception of hotel comes on the phone in tears.

‘I’ve started my period’
Me ‘is this your first time’ (not sure why I said this tbf)
‘No, I’m 22’
Me ‘oh right, how can I help’
‘I haven’t anything’
‘Right well there’s a supermarket very close to your hotel, normally opens about 8am, they’ll have stuff’
‘I didn’t think they’d have stuff over here’
‘Ladies in Tenerife have periods too’.

@TattyGran14

We were on holiday this year in Vietnam. Dh left his phone in the room whilst we were at the pool. We came back to the room, it had been cleaned and the phone was no longer by the bed. Looked everywhere for it in case the maid had moved it but it wasnt there. Then went to check the safe and the code had been changed. Someone had clearly accessed the safe where all our money and passports were.
Dh went to reception where he was told "no, it's fine, the maid saw your phone and popped it into the safe for you" . Dh asked how on earth she'd accessed it and the receptionist said "all the safes have a default code of xxxx, just tap that in and the safe will open!"

I worked in a supermarket for a few years when my children were little. A few gems :-

In The clothing department a male customer was looking for boots for his wife, colleague helped him choose a style and he asked her what size she was. He said she had the same size as his wife and could she try them on so he could see what they looked like. She did and after she took them off he took a big sniff of the inside of the boot ‘mmm, still warm’

Regular customer at least 20 years older used to chat about his family back home in Bulgaria and one day he brought his mum who was visiting Britain in to meet me as she wanted to see what I looked like.

Customer shouted at me that I was lying when I said I wasn’t from Poland as ‘I look polish ‘ . I’m Scottish, and we were in Scotland.

I ruined many a Christmas as there was no turkeys left at 4pm Christmas Eve.

We also had the fire alarm going off as the cafe went on fire. Customers refusing to leave and swearing at us as we locked our checkouts as they wanted us to scan the shopping before they left.
Smoke was billowing round the store and fire engines arriving.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

The new Council swimming pool was opened among much fanfare, especially as it was of "Olympic standard specs". Perhaps the bare hole would have been big enough, but they fogot to allow for the thickness of the tiling, so it's never been used as intended

Is this the International Pool in Cardiff?

CorBlimeyGovner

We did think that...😳😂

Many years ago I worked for a credit card company. As part of my induction I spent as afternoon shadowing someone in the small centre. One bloke phoned about a large payment at a strip club that he claimed to know nothing about, was very angry about it. The call handler was taking all the details when suddenly his tone changed. He apologised and said "my wife has gone now, yes its mine".

This is brilliant
Made me laugh

I have a clothes shop. Woman comes in tries on dress and loves it but decides to think about it.
Woman returns several days later for dress but it's been sold to someone else.
Woman asks staff member for compensation because we sold her dress

Bf worked years ago for a plant hire company, where he would get called out to fix machines. One day he got a call to go and fix a digger that had water in the diesel tank. He was told it was 'at the dock'. When he got there he could not see said machine anywhere, finally he looked down into the Humber and saw a digger bucket and realised that said machine really did have water in the diesel tank as it was submerged 50 ft down in the Humber!

As a student nurse I had a health visitor placement, on the second day I was on my way to the health centre when the train I was on was cancelled at a random station. I rang the placement to explain my predicament and they said they'd send out a member of the team to pick me up.
I was waiting outside the station in the pouring rain when a lady pulled over and said "I'm Laura are you the student?" so I said yes and gratefully climbed in the car. Off we set and made a bit of polite chit chat "have you got many appointments today" "isn't the weather awful" etc. A few minutes passed and I asked something about baby clinic. Suddenly the woman slammed on her brakes "sorry who are you?!" she said "Alex the student nurse" I replied, "what!! You're not Laura the hair apprentice?!"... "no!" I replied flabbergasted, "aren't you the health visitor!!?"
I'd only gone and clambered in some random woman's car! I'd misheard her and she'd said "are you Laura the student"
We had a very awkward drive back to the train station (thankfully she didn't just kick me out the car!) where some poor apprentice called Laura was waiting looking pretty bemused! I got out the car and skuttled off and thankfully my lift turned up a few minutes later! I've never been so mortified and my housemates thought it was hilarious!

Knock at the door, I went to answer it, it was 3 people who were calling at homes to pass on their great knowledge of religion ( always at an inconvenient time )
It wasn't my home as I was caring for a terminally ill family member. I told them that fact hoping they would quickly leave . The two women seemed to be about to turn and go but the man asked me if I thought the dead will rise again ! Thanks for that

Once- many, many years ago- whilst at a Harvester restaurant I overheard a lady ask for the lemon drizzle dessert but without the lemon drizzle!
My husband and I still laugh about it to this day!

Another bizarre thing I heard recently, not quite a story, but tickled me....

In the pop/choc aisle of Morrisons and overheard the following

'I'm not paying £1.45 for a bottle of coke'

'It's not, it 2 for £3'

'Oh yeah....'

Yes, they proceeded to buy 2 bottles!!

*These are brilliant. I may have told this one before, can't remember tbh. Years ago I worked for a distance learning college on the telephone advice lines. Every week same day, same time I'd get a phone call from "Gary".

Gary "afternoon Miss Holiday"

Me " how can I help you today Gary"

Gary "I want to discuss my course options".

Me "not a problem, which course would you like to take next"

Gary "chemistry A Level"

Me "we can't offer you chemistry Gary as you don't have access to a laboratory. What about the other options we discussed last Friday, Getting your Maths GCSE would stand you in good stead".

Gary "If I can find a laboratory, can I take Chemistry then, or I could make a lab easy, I'm sure I could find space".

Me "I'm sorry Gary the Prison you are in does not allow us to offer you Chemistry"

Gary "is that because I may set fire to things, I won't I promise"

Me "let's talk about looking at your Maths GCSE again"

Every week without fail, ever such a polite chap, who desperately wanted to take Chemistry. He was a convicted arsonist doing quite a long stretch, and he knew he was never going to be allowed to set up a lab in his cell (that was one of his suggestions). I think he just liked to chat to me, if his call ever went through to one of the others they knew to transfer him to me*

Prisoners are only allowed to telephone certain numbers that they have requested and they have been verified as being allowed to do so.

I work in IT for a well known retailer.

Once, I was asked to investigate a complaint from an irate customer who claimed his details had been hacked and, thus, it was our fault that he was receiving obscene and pornographic emails.

Upon investigation, it turned out that he was not, indeed, a customer at all. He did not have an online account with us. He had never even shopped with us, according to any information we had.

His only, very loose, connection with our company was that he had set up his email address to be @hotmail.com.

I mentioned a work one but I have two personally embarrassing moments in my life I wish to fully erase..

I used to go it for a drink every Friday with some of the office girls after work, I'd have one or 2 then head back home. On this occasion we went to our local weatherspoons where one on the girls bumped into another group of work girls from a different office. We all got seated together and I ended up getting on pretty well with one of the girls from the other workplace. We ended up staying out quite late and me and let's call her Jo worked out that her dad lived on the same street as my mums house (she said she didn't visit very often, my mums street was huge In length too, we are talking a Manchester housing estate) That night I had plans to stay at my mums (as I did most weekends my dad was working away) we both jumped into a taxi on the way home we pulled up outside of my mums house (I didn't know her dad) there was a house at the end of my mums street that had a FULL Elvis tribute in the front garden, the blinds were always open and everything even the wallpaper had elvis on it. We both jumped out of the taxi and she started to say goodbye as I walked into my mums front gate I said "oh god when you get a chance have a look at that Elvis tribute at the end of the street, it's absolutely ridiculous my mum hates the sight of it." She then went on to tell me that it was her dads house. I apologised and she carried on walking. She did in fact, go into that house too as I caught a glimpse of her going in the gate 🤦🏻‍♀️

@clarissa469 😂😂😂

Not a work one, but, a friend was in my car one day. All of sudden she told me my car wasnt road worthy.

Me 'why? What's wrong?

Her 'you dont have bumps on the middle of your steering wheel'

Me 'Why do I need bumps on it?'

Her 'I saw it in facebook. Steering wheels have to have little bumps on the middle bit. Its braille so that blind people can drive. You car is illegal if you dont have them'

Me 'what the fuck are you talking about? Think about what you just said, just think about it'

Her - blank look for a few seconds....... not getting it.

Me 'fucks sake Susan (not real name), if some is blind and needs braille how do they see the road or anything else'

Her - blank look for a few more seconds, then a look of realisations sweeps her face 'oh bollocks, it was a joke wasnt it......cant believe I fell for it! Please dont tell anyone'

I ended up pulling over because i was laughing so much. I also did tell everyone.

She isnt actually dim. She is very intelligent, but just comes out with the most ridiculous shit. Love her though.

@Namechange2715 that's so funny reminded me of my sister.

She was waiting for a bus outside her place of work. It was raining. A car pulled into the bus stop, it was our cousins car. My sister jumped in thanked our cousin for stopping, then looked at me cousin and it wasnt him. It was a random man looking very confused. He had pulled up to the bus stop at all. Just say in standing traffic.

She apologised, then apologised that her coat had got all car wet and got out.

She rang me and couldnt tell me for laughing. Then I was in stitches. To be fair, this sort of thing isnt unusual for her.

@Wishihad lol 😂😂😂

My mum did this with the "footpath" logo, you know the man with the stick?
She said it's a sign for blind people so they know where to walk. Pissed my sides laughing. Pissing my sides laughing now

I used to work for immigration so heard a lot of tall tales. One of my favourites was the man that travelled here on a magic carpet - no not the 747 just landed at Gatwick - a magic carpet as he was some sort of magician.

Another had arrived on a direct flight on BA from Mogadishu- not since 1980 something he hadn't. (It was 2002).

While working at a clothing store the refund desk was always a delight. One man brought his mother's case direct from the care home (she'd just died) and told me to sort out our stuff and give him the cash and he was going on to Little woods next to do the same. The case had All her letters, jewellery and other personal items in it.

@Wishihad brilliant 😂😂

@clarissa469 oh god! That's so funny! 😂😂😂

@username678889 ahe is a source of it's of these stories. And that's not the only time she has got in a strange mans car. One night we both went for a drink in our local, meeting friends and then heading into town. She saw a bloke who had just started at her work, but in a different department, and they had a quick chat. My sister and her friends wanted to go into town. Me and my friends wanted to stay a bit longer.

She went to call a cab and the man from work offered her a lift as he was passing though town. Her, him and 1 friends left.

20 minutes later sister called me in a panic. She was stood in the street outside town with her friends. Basically, she was sat in the front chatting to the bloke from work. When he asked 'so where do you work?' She said, 'are you kidding, with you. I work in x department. That's why I came up to you and started chatting to you', he said 'no I am welder, I dont know from work I thought you were chatting me up, was just about to ask for your number.'

Turned out it wasnt who she thought it was. Just some bloke, she started chatting to and offered her a lift. Her and her friends jumped out of the car the next time it stopped and was just stood at the side of the road.

Again, I couldnt stop laughing. I know the bloke fairly well now. He is lovely and genuinely though she approached him to chat her up and he offered her and her friends a lift to keep chatting to her. She never actually said 'oh you are Bob from work's. Just went up said Hi, how are you? Did you have a good week?' She didnt go back the local again