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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

882 replies

SummerSummerSummer · 24/07/2019 19:30

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

  1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
  2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..
3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.
  1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
  2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
  3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.
OP posts:
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Teddybear45 · 24/07/2019 19:31

Big and toned tends to be beautiful. I’m not big but have cellulite and wouldn’t describe myself as beautiful at all but I know women and girls who are a size 20 and have lovely firm bodies.

NoSauce · 24/07/2019 19:33

I agree with your points on the whole but I guess it’s how you feel in yourself. Some women say they feel beautiful even though they’re overweight.

NoBaggyPants · 24/07/2019 19:33

Some big people are beautiful. Some slim people are. Some big and slim people are not beautiful.

Sounds like you have your own issues. Maybe get some support rather than deflecting onto others?

Grumpbum123 · 24/07/2019 19:33

I look fucking grim having gone from 7.10 to 13.10 thanks to drugs. I don’t need any external clarification I look like a pig, thanks

Waiting1987 · 24/07/2019 19:34

It would be better to say “big” (very overweight or obese) is unhealthy. I don’t think beauty should factor in this at all. Everyone has differing ideas of beauty but everyone probably wants to be healthy.

Lazydaisies · 24/07/2019 19:34

I think like anything there are exceptions to the rule, but I am big too and it ain’t beautiful. I haven’t been small in nearly 20 years so I make the best of what I’ve got.

Waveysnail · 24/07/2019 19:35

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who are you to define what makes someone beautiful

ElsaMars · 24/07/2019 19:35

I'm the same and I agree. My diets gone to shit, I have CFS/Fybromyalgia and I now also need my gallbladder removed. If I was toned and taller I'd be slightly happier but I have to try and hide my hideous fat stomach and it's getting harder. I really should read this before I stuff my face at every opportunity.

User12879923378 · 24/07/2019 19:36

Maybe, and it's just a thought, you could resolve to do something about the health issues that make you unhappy, and just leave it at that? Rather than behaving as if your feelings about your own size and health must also apply to all big women?

sheshootssheimplores · 24/07/2019 19:36

I agree from a personal standpoint. Ive put on 2 stone in two years and am totally full of self loathing. However I’m still okay with ‘big is beautiful’. If it makes someone out there feel better I’m happy.

Borisdaspide · 24/07/2019 19:37

Meh I'm a big fat fuck and dont constantly think about food nor hide it. Hopefully the fat gets me before the climate change does :)

PookieDo · 24/07/2019 19:37

Lovely and inspirational Star

LaVieilleHarpie · 24/07/2019 19:37

This reply has been deleted

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Lazydaisies · 24/07/2019 19:38

Hopefully the fat gets me before the climate change does

Grin lol

tequilasunrises · 24/07/2019 19:38

I’m a healthy weight. 5 ft 4 and a size 8-10/12 depending on the shop. Everyone tells me how slim I am. But underneath all the clothes I wobble like buggery and don’t feel comfortable in a bikini at all. I’m trying to do weights to tone up but no results yet...

I couldn’t stop staring at a girl in the gym today who was bigger than me but everything looked firm and smooth and free of imperfections and I was in awe...

So yeah it ain’t all about size/weight! Skinny people can wobble too.

goes off to start thread about getting perfect body skin

recklessruby · 24/07/2019 19:38

Yanbu. I used to be 5 stone heavier than i am now. I hated photos (but have kept the worst where i looked like a sea monster on the beach as a warning) hated clothes shopping squeezing into size 18, hated getting my hair cut (horrible unflattering close up mirrors showing chins).
I did not feel attractive at all!
Where i worked there were 2 of us with the same name and i always dreaded someone would describe me as "big Ruby". The other one was skinny.
I still have my off days but i m 100% happier as a size 10/12 no matter what "big is beautiful " people say.

Shinygoldbauble · 24/07/2019 19:38

If the person you love, loves you and finds you attractive what does it matter if you are 'beautiful'.
Plenty of overweight people participate in fashion.
If you are over weight and feel down and unattractive then do something about it but there's no point in insulting other people.
I'm overweight, I love fashion. I have people I love who love me. Am I 'beautiful'? I doubt it but I'm not bothered.

chaoscategorised · 24/07/2019 19:39

I mean this gently, but it very much sounds like you need help. You talk about yourself and being overweight like my mother, who has had various eating disorders for over 30 years.

Your utter disgust at, and fear of, your body and how it is - to the point of editing yourself out of family photos!? - is unhealthy. Yes, being overweight puts stress on your body, and yes suffering emotionally if you're unhappy with yourself because of this isn't good. But hating yourself and being angry at your own body to the point you are is concerning. Lots of people at overweight and beautiful and happy with their bodies - whether or not it's healthy, which is a separate issue. You sound very, very unhappy, and that in itself seems like it's the biggest problem here.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 24/07/2019 19:39

I agree to a certain extent.I prefer to be a size 10,currently I'm a 12 I dont suit a lot of weight on my face,never have.
Some people do suit being bigger though and are happy that way.Each to their own.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/07/2019 19:40

You sound very unhappy with your appearance and should focus on making changes to feel better about yourself instead of internalising prejudice OP. People of all shapes and sizes can be beautiful but contempt for yourself won’t help.

Klobluchar · 24/07/2019 19:40

This isn’t about other fat people, is it? It’s about you. Leave other people out of it, it won’t make you feel any better.

Widowodiw · 24/07/2019 19:41

I’m not sure the term big is beautiful was ever seen as being overweight is not unhealthy. More a recognition: acceptance that we are all different shapes and sizes and that we all make diff life choices or go through things that make us put on weight (illness/ separation/ grief). Likewise being slim or an ideal weight doesn’t necessarily mean that you are healthy.

Xenadog · 24/07/2019 19:41

OP, you have listed 6 points which I am assuming is how you are currently feeling. Big clearly isn’t beautiful to you so what are you going to do about it?

You are right being overweight and unhealthy (I don’t necessarily believe these two go hand in hand all of the time) isn’t good but so many people are. I’m overweight and need to lose about 4 and a half stone. I’ve taken action to lose the lard for both health and appearance reasons. Have you got a plan for what you are going to do?

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/07/2019 19:42

I’m sure you’re gorgeous Shinygoldbauble, you sound happy and content in yourself and it will shine through.

velocitygirl7 · 24/07/2019 19:42

@tequilasunrises I'm with you!! I'm 8 st 9 very petite looking in clothes but jeez I'm not a pretty sight naked. I'm very untoned and thanks to major abdominal surgery and two huge babies my tummy is horrendous Sad