AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

Weight has very little to do with fitness. I was heavier when I did a triathlon than I am now and a bigger clothes size but I was certainly fitter.

true if you look purely at the weight, many very slim athletic women are very "heavy" - that's pure muscle.

Fat has a lot to do with fitness however! Even if you manage to be active, it's despite being overweight not because of it, and being overweight should never be seen or accepted as a sign of health.

This is an awful message. Equate weight with health all you want (though that's also not necessarily accurate) but don't equate it with beauty - that's wrong and rude af.

Mumsnet loves a fatshaming thread, doesn’t it? Always has, always will.

And all the right junk in all the right places!

Why the hell don’t you stop boring us all to death with a view that is out of date. No one needs to be beautiful anymore hun, we need to be bright and switched on now. Killer career and a sterling leader.

Big can be beautiful as can slim. Big is not beautiful on me though. I went from 7stone 10lb to 15stone the day ds was born. I lost 3 stone in a year and then have been stuck maintaining 12 stone for a year. I have overhauled my diet and am at 11 stone, I intend to lose another 2 ( 3 would be great but I don't think I will be able to sustain that) by the end of the year. My main motivation is that type 2 diabetes is heavily present in my family and I am doing myself no favours by being overweight. I feel better about myself slimmer and for me that is important( don't loathe myself whilst overweight but was definitely not happy obese). If this spurs you on to make changes, then good luck to you!

@SummerSummerSummer

YANBU, but many people will accuse you of fat-shaming. Some people carry extra weight OK-ish, but really being verrrrrry overweight, is neither attractive - or healthy, and I get pissed off with obesity being celebrated.

Speaking for myself. I have been between 9 stone, and 15 stone over the past 30 years (currently about 11 stone/size 14 and feel OK...) But I feel VILE at 14 to 15 stone. Chunky, flabby, sweaty, podgy face, double chin, flabby arms; just awful. I cannot be arsed with my hair or appearance, and look 5-7 years older.

When I am a bit thinner, I look and FEEL sooooo much better.

As I am more confident/happy/healthy, I also make more effort with my looks, and look 5 years younger on a good day.

When I see covers of magazines like the one here; I just facepalm, because no WAY does this woman look good. No. WAY.

1. Who is anyone else to dictate what you should consider beautiful in your own body?
2. Body positivity does not equal big is beautiful. It means everyone being respected and comfortable in their own skin.
3. Weight does not correlate with unhealthy. What all studies of quality have found is that if you are overweight then you have a higher probability of illness not because you are overweight but because of the behaviours that got you there. So weight is a symptom not a cause.
4. No matter what CRUK are peddling obesity is not in line with smoking (but they are affiliated with slimming world)
5. Who the hell is anyone to judge anyone else's body?
6. Why do you care what other people's bodies are like? Do you police smokers and skiers and those who work with chemicals with the same concerns for health?
7. Skinny people are very often unhealthy but people don't seem to have such concern for them.
8. It's 2019 have we not moved past this bullshit.
9. If I posted that people under 5'3 were repulsive to me and I worried about them getting hit by large vehicles that couldn't see their short asses it would be a similar argument.

All said as a straight sized person if that needs qualification.

You can be big and beautiful, but nobody is beautiful because they’re big. It’s incidental.

I get so fed up of this shit. I am allowed to feel whatever I want about myself and I absolutely choose to feel beautiful whether I weigh 8, 10 or 20 stone. Yes, of course it’s harder to look like a magazine model the further away from 8st you get, but who on earth gets to dictate to me that fashion without wobble is the only beauty allowed? If I was a size 10, I’d still wear sensible shoes and and comfort clothing ‘cos it suits me and who I am. I am not just a body to dress. Way, way, way more to me!

My honest opinion is that big as in curvy (so the likes of nigella and Kelly brook etc) is beautiful and I would much rather have that figure than be stick thin. I do agree fashionable clothes tend to look better on slim bodies though.

I'm a size 14 but got a huge belly and fat thighs and I agree it ain't beautiful

I also find this thread incredibly sad reading for the amount of people that have internalised years of people who know nothing about them telling them they are less than because of the shape of their body.

Fuck those people and start figuring out what your worth is.

If you're skinny and your worth is that you're skinny that's equally as tragic.

Yes and no..

Overall I'd agree that slim looks better than overweight.

However.

Some slim people look bad while some bigger people look great. Hey, look at Russell Crowe as Jack Aubrey. He's clearly big but looks better than many slim people.

Also, regardless of appearance, there are big people I'd much much rather be friends with than slim people.

I think confidence and character count for an awful lot. A confident big person is gonna look much better than a self-conscious slim person.

Well, I wont look beautiful at whatever weight I am.

Overweight doesn't equal unhealthy. Even if it did, it's no one elses business. You sound like you hate your body and that's sad. You have one body and one life. My 'overweight and unhealthy' arse isn't going to stop me having a fun and fulfilling life.

You sound like you have extremely low self-esteem, OP. I hope things improve for you soon and you seek the help you clearly need.

When I see covers of magazines like the one here; I just facepalm, because no WAY does this woman look good. No. WAY.

Tess Halliday has MILLIONS of followers and is a driving force in acceptance. That's all btw. Basic human decency to all people regardless of size.

Lots of people. Millions. Would say you're wrong here.

She's been extremely problematic in the past but that has nothing to do with her weight.

I'm a size 22, and do feel beautiful. Absolutely have the confidence to pose in a bikini and am in no way unhappy being the size I am.

I feel comfortable in my own skin, plenty of people my size don't I know that it's a psychological issue.

More people should embrace their bodies.

Beautiful and health is two different thing.

Overweight or skinny people can be beautiful but they both have health risks.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, surely? Just because you find a larger person unattractive doesn't mean we all do. Big IS beautiful if it's beautiful to you.

You should seek therapy instead of spewing your self-hatred here. You get one life and wasting it on this nonsense is just idiotic. Who fucking cares if you’re beautiful? I’m not fat at the moment (thanks to cancer; I’ll be fat again soon now that I’m in remission) but I’m still not pretty and I never will be. It is INSANE to waste your short beautiful life obsessing over this shit. Be something other than pretty. Here are some options:

smart funny kind interesting weird surprising sweet sarcastic geeky cool elegant outspoken mysterious

How many of you tell your daughters their bellies and thighs are disgusting?

Oh. You don't need to. You'll teach them if they look a certain way you'll reject them as ugly instead. Bravo.

OP you may personally be unattractive, that does not mean all overweight people are ugly

I don't know about beautiful, but when I have been bigger I have still been conventionally attractive and have been perfectly happy having my picture taken. I've also had no problem getting chatted up.

I agree but don't at the same time. I'm a size 16, spent so long feeling really unhappy. Now I'm trying my absolute best to take care of myself. I've bought clothes that flatter. I really take care of my hair, make up ect. I exercise every change I get. Which I've always done but I've never shied away from seconds. Every now and then I glimpse myself and can't believe how big I am. Then other times I look and feel great, which I feel is a big FU to everyone who has ever fat shamed me. I'm going to love myself either way but I'm losing a stone or two would definitely do me no harm. Then I also think, if I can be content now, imagine how confident I'd be abit lighter. Anywho essay over. No one can tell you how to feel about yourself op.