AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

I agree with the poster that beauty shouldn't really come into it.

Fat is unhealthy as is the mindset of alot of people as overweight as me.

I know I have a problem for reasons I do t understand or know how to explore I eat to punish myself. I hide it too. IV been known to get a McDonald's and eat it on the way home and stop to throw the rubbish away and then make myself eat my dinner.

I don't know how to stop

Yanbu, but within reason. The flip side to "big is not beautiful" is a really unhealthy obsession with thinness and looking socially acceptable.

I think so long as your health is not compromised (ie. you can walk briskly without getting out of breath, you can fit in normal seats on buses and aeroplanes, you can buy clothes on the high street, you don't have to sit down for a rest, you don't get sweat rashes in your rolls of fat, you aren't addicted to food and not obsessed with what you eat) then bigger can be beautiful. I suppose I'm saying bmi up to say 29, size 14/16 for a woman, something like that.

Rolls of flab and cellulite are not beautiful, really they aren't.

No it isn't beautiful, I'm 57 and still 4 stone overweight, I hate how I look, I hate how I feel. I just want to get up in the morning slip on a pair of jeans and a teashirt and look normal.
The heat is horrendous, I have a heart condition and I know if I don't lose the rest of the weight I'll probably be dead in a few years.
How anyone can love dragging around 20 sacks of potatoes I can't imagine, I hate it.

The big is beautiful movement was to help women and men learn to love the body they have at the moment not glamorise being fat, and I support the original message. If your fat, and I most def am at a size 20, your not going to be slim instantly, and it's much easier to not comfort eat when you realise your actually allowed to exist and go to the pool or beach if you want to in something other than a tent. Don't get me wrong I cover my tree trunk legs, Jelly Belly and dinner lady arms but I admire the ones who go for it and don't give a fudge. Since I've learned to love me for me I've actually lost a bit of weight which is great, I'm a big boredom eater, but I will never judge anyone who's fat and wants to stay fat, it doesn't affect my life in anyway so why should I? I will continue to loose weight for me but I'm not going to have the body I have now till I do.

Mika was lying? Naughty Mika.

If you’re worried about diabetes, go and get tested. Sitting there worried about it won’t achieve anything. Regular weight people get diabetes too so you’d best hurry and book a blood test if you’re so frightened of it.

It makes me feel sad when I read things about people who clearly hate their bodies. life's too short to worry about whether you've got cellulite on your thighs or when you've got stretch marks.

OP you are me a few years ago. Make a GP appointment ask to join their weight management programme. If you are tired all the time ask for a sleep test. Start a campaign to tackle your weight. Read the NICE guidelines on bariatric surgery criteria focus on pushing to get onto that pathway . It will take 2 years. I had nhs bariatric surgery recently It changed my life

The reason I chose to contradict that particular message is I feel it's a communal lie that many of us bigger people have been telling ourselves and have used as an excuse to carry on living unhealthy lives. I'm not looking to insult anyone, but I feel like a light switch has been flicked on I'm my head and I can't ignore it anymore. It's definitely time to do something about it. Since I saw those photos of me, I decided I will not look like that next summer.

What? What do you mean, I don't make the rocking world go round?

I am in no way conventional beautiful and I am overweight. but accepting those facts doesn't mean I need to constantly beat myself up about the fact that society doesn't think I fit into a very narrow mould of beauty. there is much more to life and happiness within yourself than being what others would consider beautiful.

This thread is hilarious. Weight has very little to do with fitness. I was heavier when I did a triathlon than I am now and a bigger clothes size but I was certainly fitter.
I'm overweight if you count bmi but Im 6 ft tall.
I don't agree with big is beautiful because it doesn't matter, all people are beautiful in their own way.
Weight is just gravity on your body. Provided you are healthy who the hell cares!

You are not wrong. I was 2 stones overweight and I eliminated high blood pressure once I lost most of it.

You don’t fancy fat people. Lots of people do, though.

The big is beautiful movement was to help women and men learn to love the body they have at the moment not glamorise being fat, and I support the original message.

well said!

It may be true that big isn't beautiful for you....

Doesn't make it true for others...

What dress size are you OP?

Some of your facts are actual fact, but some are just your perspective

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy - generally a fair point but being underweight is also unhealthy, or being the right weight and smoking etc. It isn't as simple as saying I'll people are fat people.
2. You are constantly fixated on food - it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with food, but again you can have that and he bulimic or anorexic. Being slim in itself won't cure your food issues

3.Nothing fits you nicely - where are you shopping and are you genuinely shopping for your right size?

1. You get out of breath so easily - fitness isn't necessarily just for the slim. I'll concede your point generally but see above Re smokers etc
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy - of course not but see point 2
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs - lots of women do this regardless of their comparative size, based on their perception of their own looks.

What I'm saying is your points are just points on why you don't think you are beautiful. Waking up a size 6 tomorrow won't solve all your problems, because they're not in your knicker size, theyre inside your heart and mind.

I really hope you can find z way to become more positive about who you are and what you have to offer to the world regardless of your size

What you say about photos is particularly sad OP. They’re snapshots of a moment, presumably taken at a happy time as a reminder for you and others. When I was nursing a post CS belly and feeding my week old baby DH took a photo and I screeched nooo, what about my tummy! But within weeks I was so happy he’d done it, it was a lovely moment, yes my tummy was bigger than normal, I’d just had a baby! I don’t look at the tummy part, I see the exhausted happy face and the tiny precious baby.

I echo what others have said about dealing with yourself and leaving others out of it.
Yes, there may be legitimate health concerns, but that aside what gives you the right to say people look horrible because they don't fit society's ideal of beauty?

You can be fat and unhealthy and still deserve common decency from others and respect as a human being

I think that people making themselves miserable because of how they think others might perceive their appearance is really sad. And I don't judge people for their appearance. It's not my business, especially if they are happy. All the beautiful people I know are completely different shapes and sizes. It's heartbreaking when I hear someone I work with saying they can't wear shorts because they have fat legs so they're in full length trousers in a heat wave.

In the end, it's a balance. If someone is dangerously unhealthy, it's not my place to fat shame them into changing, because they probably know they're unhealthy. And I think very skinny has been pedalled as 'the norm' for too long. Children are growing up hating their bodies whatever they actually look like, and there's more comparison than ever because of social media. I remember telling my mum I had no idea what an actual size 12 looked like and she laughed at me, but it was true. I had (and still is have to a large extent) a really warped view of myself and I still struggle.

Some people are built differently. If you look in the mirror and hate what you see and the thing you hate can be improved, like weight or hair style, then that's when change is good. If you look in the mirror and hate yourself to dangerous levels just because you don't fit a social convention, that's upsetting and a threat to your mental wellbeing. And that's why we need to question what real beauty is.

Well, at least Sir Mix-A-Lot still loves me

I feel it's a communal lie that many of us bigger people have been telling ourselves and have used as an excuse to carry on living unhealthy lives.

I agree. It's not just big people though it's society in general fuelling this and trying to make a case that big can be beautiful. Well it's not is it? It's just fat. You can have a beautiful face and gorgeous skin but there's nothing beautiful about being out of breath, lethargic, sweaty and with fat over your body. We are getting PC about everything these days but in reality it's not an attractive thing.

I agree with you that being an unhealthy weight is not a good thing, and that the pendulum has swung too far to acceptance or even glorification of obesity - however, horrific fat shaming still exists and makes life a misery for many people, most of whom probably feel helpless to change their size.

The 1-6 issues at the bottom of the post outline why it is a problem for you. Not everyone will feel the same way you do, and some people genuinely are happy being big. I am not, but it would never occur to me to edit myself out of a photo just because I'm fat, like that makes me some kind of unworthy non-person who is offending people's eyes by existing.

YANBU. So many obese people are in denial that they are fat and healthy. They are not. Their obesity will kill them. I have been overweight twice, both times after pregnancy, I couldn’t stand the feeling of my belly on my thighs when I sat down, I literally turned my own stomach with my grossness. I lost the weight both times sharpish.
The term that beauty is in the eye of the beholder is crap. Fat people are fat and to most people not as attractive as they could be. Hence it’s classed as a fetish for a man to be attracted to morbidly obese women.
Of all the women and men I know that are overweight none of them are fat and happy.
DP has out on some timber over the last couple of years and is now making huge attempts to lose it and we as a family are supporting him because we want him to be healthy.
Bar weight gain due to medication, health conditions or emotional eating there is no reason why people should be obese. It’s just greed and we are all guilty of being greedy. I’ve eaten 2 cornettos and half a pack of cookies this evening, pure greed. I wasn’t hungry.