AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

what Elision said.

from mid teens onwards my weight has gone up and down, I haven't weighed myself in ten years. I just go on what I can fit into.

I've been sizes 10 to 22 I'm currently a 10 again. my health and fitness throughout is good and fitter then some thin people, thanks to doing a physical job most of the years.

I was less fit post pregnancies and I felt it.

But I never hated myself, I didn't find myself disgusting. Yes I was wary of swimwear and tight clothes, but I found ways around it.

I like the recent adverts for loving your body with bigger sized women in bikinis and swimming costumes. So what if they are big why shouldn't they enjoy being on a beach and swimming? our bodies are our business and not anyone else's in the vicinity.

I’m at the age now where I have to choose between my face or my bum. I’ve chosen my face because most people don’t see my arse. I hate this thread. Deal with your issues, OP, don’t use them as a stick to beat other women.

beccarocksbaby I don’t think people are talking about being a bit chubby or a stone overweight I think we are talking obesity here. And yes I would be unhappy if my DD was obese as would she, she put on nearly a stone whilst revising for GCSE’s and was very unhappy, we discussed it and took steps for her to lose the weight which she did, we supported her, surely that is better than ignoring the fact that your DC are unhealthily fat.
Discussions about weight is not fat shaming. If my DD was a size 24 and going out for the evening in hot pants I would not lie and tell her she looked good when other people her age would be literally pointing her out and making awful comments.
I’ve seen enough threads on here where people have discussed how to help a child lose weight because it often leads to obesity when older.
MN is seemingly obsessed with healthy eating and have DC who snack on carrot sticks and are involved in lots of sporting activities, surely that gives the message that we don’t want our DC to be overweight.

Sorry you don't feel beautiful SummerSummerSummer - you must a very special person though to have started this thread. HTH.

must be that should say. HTH too.

I have lost weight over the last few years and life is so much better. The main benefits are health - no stress incontinence when coughing or sneezing (thought it was age related but it was fat pressing on my bladder), the threat of diabetes has receded, I have more energy and enthusiasm for life, I don't dread hills or hot weather, and now that I am menopausal it would have been so much worse at a larger size.

From a looks point of view, clothes fit better and I choose stuff I like rather than cover ups, and because I am more confident with age my clothing choices are bolder than before. I don't mind people looking at me (not because I need the likes) but more from no longer feeling ashamed of my fat bum etc.

I look better in clothes than naked but in the last few months I have started exercising a lot and I now see muscle and tone. Before, even though I had lost the weight I still look doughy.

Actually, some big women are beautiful.

Unfortunately I’m not one of them

Ok, so I'll take the bait. Why is it so inflammatory to state that we should all aim to be a healthy weight? I would never say this to anyone's face, and I'm grateful no-one has ever said it directly to me, because in my self-denial I would have not taken it very well at all! Neither I would say it to a skinny person because it is none of my business.

But this is platform for discussion is it not?

I know a greedy eater when I see one because I'm just the same. The friend who claims her obesity is due to a medical problem, but who I see munching on biscuits at every given chance and drives everywhere instead of walking. Or the family members who stay up too late on the computer every night leaving countless empty crisp bags behind. You should check my hand bag and it's full of empty Cadbury's wrappers. Where do you think they have gone?

For many of us (admittedly not all!) it's just a bunch of excuses. Smoke and mirrors. If you feel fine and beautiful in your bigger skin then please do not take offense I beg you. I do not look at others judging them. My post comes from a place where a change needs to internalize.

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)

When I was anorexic I was in danger of heart disease, brittle bones, organ failure etc etc

2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc

yup - see anorexia again

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene

Size 2 - wearing ages 12-13 clothes - dead fashionable

4. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children

Chain smoked to stop myself from eating - couldn't run for the bus if I'd had the energy

5. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind

an apple will make you fat - have half a one

6. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad

Yes because at 6 stone I felt fat and ugly

the POINT OP is where any kind of 'perfect' body fixation can lead you - and it's not good

there is a billion pound industry around dieting - it thrives on telling us what the ideal is and making us hate ourselves

stop looking at your ass and start looking at your life - and loosing a stone will not change that at all - being happy with life might help though

I resonate with this. I have gained a bit of weight and I'm only a size 12 and 5'11 but I just don't feel comfortable in myself. My belly overhangs when I sit down, I have more rolls, my boobs are bigger and I just don't feel confident. That's not to say that being big isn't beautiful, it's all relative. I just know personally the weight I'm at now I don't feel confident and happy at. I think it ties in with health as well. I am not as healthy as I could be so that adds to the gross feeling.

I'm fat. I am also absolutely gorgeous, funny, kind, caring, clever, generous, healthy, and generally a thoroughly decent person.

I find stupidity ugly, I find selfishness ugly. I find image-obsession ugly. I find women who only care about how they look, and who buy into every last fashion, ugly. I find parents who yell at their kids, ugly. I find Brexit voters, ugly. I find people who go to the gym six days a week, ugly.

So how do you like those generalisations?

People who fat shame make me want to get a bag of donuts and eat them, right in their face. Your OP makes me very angry indeed.

I’m downright fat.

I am beautiful.

I am beautiful because I gave an amazing mind. I am beautiful because I fight for my family. I am beautiful because I persevere through an autoimmune condition that is trying to destroy my life. I am beautiful because the scars that cover my body don’t stop me from living my life.

I don’t give a flying fig what my body looks like or that other people think I am ugly. None of them have lived my life and known what I have survived.

Would I like to be slimmer and have more energy? Yes, I would. That won’t make me a better person.

You didn’t just say we should all aim to be a healthy weight, though.

As for your friend, I wonder if she knows you’re monitoring her biscuit consumption? How would you feel if your family members were counting your crisp packets? Probably even worse than you do now.

You can be beautiful despite being fat, not because of it.

Physical appearance has nothing to do with your spirit and personality either.

"I do not look at others judging them'

'I know a greedy eater when I see one'

I'd be more concerned about how you come across to people than how you look, to be honest. It's not a flattering look...

I don't think OP is fat shaming, I think she is saying personally for her she feels uncomfortable with being overweight and the negative aspect that is having on her self confidence and her health. She is not saying all fat people are ugly but that the negative aspects of being overweight aren't as commonly spoke about.

OP, I'm going to address the points in your original post. As an overweight woman I take issue with your message, beauty and size are not the same thing- you can be plus size and beautiful and there are plenty of examples of that.

Being overweight does not mean health problems, yes you have increased risks but it's not definite. I'm overweight and healthy, know plenty of others too.

I'm not constantly fixated on treats and food. That's a separate issue and not necessarily hand in hand with being overweight.

You can be plus size and wear nice clothes, just shop in the right places. Overweight women can look good in cropped tees and short dresses or tight clothes.

Being unfit and being overweight aren't mutually exclusive. Loosing weight doesn't mean improved fitness, you can be thin and unfit/breathless easy.

Lying to yourself is bad, but why do you have to lie because you're overweight? You can acknowledge you are overweight and be happy.

Why correct some of the other issues and you'll want to be in photographs. Wear clothes you feel good in, look after yourself and start enjoying life.

I find people who go to the gym six days a week, ugly.

says it all.

No one has ever said this before you know so thank fully you are here to tell us about the greedy people and then we can discuss them. You're fine to do this, because you're a greedy person too. You're just saying! If anyone says you are being, well, a bit of a dick, then you can say its just not fair.

Next thing is you'll only be saying it for the kiddies, and finally the answer will be eat less move more. There was a poster doing this a couple of weeks ago, let me see if I can find her thread because boy, did she have news for us. Apparently she went to the gym at 5.30am and it made her a size 6. Bear with.

YABU

I'm about 5 stone overweight right now.

I LOVE fashion and I always feel comfortable in what I'm wearing . I like my body and so does my boyfriend.

I'm not always fixated on the next snack, or thinking about food - what a weird assumption.

I take lots of family pictures and I like being in them

Why is it so inflammatory to state that we should all aim to be a healthy weight?

It's not, but that's not what you said. Not being a "healthy" weight doesn't mean you're ugly.

Internalise the changes you want to make without disparaging others. (And give some thoughts to the ugliness of your beliefs)

Big can be beautiful but it is not healthy . Being overweight increases your risk of diabetes, heart disease, probably dementia. We shouldn’t fat shame or thin shame but e should get back to a position where weight is about health and not beauty

Apart from illnesses and medication, why are people overweight? Because I know for me I am slightly overweight because I have been indulging too much in bad foods lately.

@followthefairytalexx, you might want to check out the thread title. It’s the epitome of fat shaming.

Like many on this thread I too have fluctuated massively pre and post DCs. From a size 10 to a size 16 and now a size 12.

For me, bigger definitely wasn't beautiful. When I was bigger my self-confidence plummeted as did my fitness and sense of well-being.

I got bigger because I was greedy, ate too much crap and didn't exercise. Simple as that and greed/gluttony/laziness is definitely not beautiful.