AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

If you aren't happy with your weight then by all means do something about it, but encouraging self-loathing in other people is neither kind nor helpful.

People's character is what makes them beautiful.

celebmafia.com/nigella-lawson-arrives-for-her-an-evening-with-nigella-lawson-event-in-melbourne-02-09-2019-1833762/

Nigella isn't 'big', is she? I doubt if Kelly Brook is either.

I think this is part of the problem. Years and years of being fed images of what is perfect and beautiful and acceptable has our minds warped.

I used to weight about 8.5 stone pre-DC and now, five years later and two boys later, I am pushing 9 and 3/4 stone.

I had to go clothes shopping a few weeks ago for holiday wear and I actually cried in the changing room because I felt awful in everything I tried on.

To many, 9.5 stone would be a great weight, but I feel big and I definitely don’t feel beautiful.

Beauty is definitely in the way a person beholds themselves.

People’s perceptions of their body are very individual and just as bigger women can exude confidence and feel beautiful, smaller framed women can feel their body is ugly.

It’s a very grey issue.

I don;t think it;s up to anyone to tell others how they should be feeling.
I am sure there are lots of large women who feel great.

I think you are being very brave speaking up like this however, and your feelings are very valid.
I can only speak for myself- I would not like to be carrying too much extra weight.
I have always worn a size 10 trousers, I like my food, but I dislike the feeling of having an extra roll of fat around my middle, and when that happens I ease up on the food. I have never been faced with needing to lose more than a few pounds though, because I reaslise that if it were any more han that the task would be overwhelming.
I feel fit and energetic, I exercise, feel happy in swimwear ( I am nearkly 60) and still run up stairs.
The feeling of vibrancy and life being slim and fit is very enjoyable, and not one that I would give up easily.

I'm definitely not trying to insult or fat-shame anyone! Why would I do that to someone? Also people suggesting ways to make me feel better about myself and defining my worth outside my body image. I know what you are saying and appreciate the kind tone of your messages, but the only problem I have at the moment is that I really feel like I want to be back to normal weight (not skinny!!) and look and feel attractive and feel excited about shopping, beach, parties etc, without feeling self-conscious. I understand I shouldn't generalize my feelings to concern every big person out there. This is how I am feeling about it at the moment and feel like I've been lying to myself all these years.

Beauty is in the eye of the holder.In some cultures fat is seen as beautiful and lots of men prefer large women, Botticelli for one!

I've only got one life with one body and I want that body to work as well as it can for my whole life so for me that means keeping slim fit and healthy

I don't think it's necessarily about beauty.

But I agree in the way that I don't think it's right to act as though it's not unhealthy to be overweight and we should be encouraging people away from being so, especially children.

Oh so this is now only about yourself and not fat people in general? That was a quick turn around but alright, whatever.

If you can’t stop thinking about food all the time then this sounds like a mental rather than a physical problem and perhaps you need to start thinking about therapy

OP, you literally stated in your post that being overweight is unattractive.

Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

That is insulting. It is fatshaming. I am overweight, I’m fully aware that this could cause health risks if it continues, but no, I don’t think I’m ugly. I’m sorry that you have low self esteem but there’s no need really to project that onto others as well.

I've been slim, fat, obese then slim again. Up and down over the years. Most of the time I don't think big (as in very overweight) is beautiful at all. Fat can be repulsive.

Sometimes though people who are very overweight can have stunningly beautiful faces. Sometimes big people can also be toned so also look good.

Lying on a soft body rather than a bony one or squidging a fat tummy can feel good. Fat sometimes feels really nice.

Given the choice I'd choose to be very slim over very fat any day though.

Someone who’s slimmer may have a more conventionally attractive body shape but to me whether someone is beautiful or not depends on their face.

Beauty is a rare commodity, hence why it is so coveted. Most people are not beautiful. I’m not talking about attractive, that’s something different, but if you look around you, hardly anyone, whatever their body size, is beautiful.

Completely agree with you Klobluchar

I’ve lost 4 stone so far this year and have another 3 to go so I’m still in the obese category. I felt beautiful bigger and I still feel beautiful now. I lost the weight for my health not for vanity reasons.

With regards to your clothes rolling down, they are obviously too small. I’ve been a size 26 and nothing has ever rolled down if it was the correct size for me.

I tend to agree.
I don’t find big, beautiful in an aesthetic sense. Of course some big people are ‘beautiful’ as they’re lovely people but I don’t find actual fat attractive - on me or on others. Never found bigger men sexy at all!
And yes, bring overweight is unhealthy.,

You're obviously very unhappy and being BIG myself I agree with some of what you are saying.
Certain things day to day are much harder if you are fat. This weather is the worst.

However...I'm waiting for you to come back and say something like 'I used to be a size 6 and now I'm a size 12...
Are you really big OP? I think anything over a 20/22 is big anything under is just a bit tubby.

3 different women, 3 different sizes, all confident and all beautiful.

Just because you feel bad about yourself does not mean you have to reflect your feelings on to others.

So you are bigger than you want to be - change it.
Do NOT tell others how they should be - in YOUR opinion.

You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

that's an eating disorder OP.
Not everyone fat has an eating disorder.

This

Hmmm I agree with this statement for myself, but not for others. I felt so horrible about myself after birth that I refused to have any photos taken with my baby, and this wasn't me just being shallow; I felt physically sick looking at myself and didn't think I deserved to be in photos. I have had a troubled relationship with food for years, and it's so sad looking back that my body had been through an amazing experience and I was fixated on my fat! I feel so much better at a healthy weight, and for me it was the best thing I did to lose it steadily and healthily. I now don't really think about food, if I want something I have it, but like you I used to obsess and hide food. However, I have friends who are overweight but they are absolutely gorgeous, but then although they say they are happy it's impossible to tell how they really feel (I never used to to other people). But I never look at them the way I looked at myself, but I think that was the feelings tangled up with how I physically looked I guess.

I think it depends on your skin type. I have very large friends who have the most beautiful skin and look divine.
I have pasty freckly skin and being fat, I don't look so great.

You sound nice.

Have you considered therapy for your self hatred, dear? It might help stop you projecting your feelings about yourself onto anybody unfortunate enough to offend your eyes by their lack of perfection.

I think anything over a 20/22 is big anything under is just a bit tubby

Really I’m size 14 but my arms are actually huge, weight distributes all over my body when I put it on, so my clothes size doesn’t go up. My BMI is 29, I am definitely fat.

Oh, do bore off with whatever you think is beautiful. If anyone thinks my weight is remotely interesting, then they can bore off too. All that chatter about diets and 'poor me, I gained weight' is just utterly, utterly yawn-some.
Educate yourselves in body neutrality. Find some friends that value you for more than how you look.
It'll change your life.