To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

Your DSs choose what they are going to wear themselves. That's it. There doesn't need to be a discussion about this.

What a strange overreach on her part. Is she usually in the habit of attempting to dictate to you over completely trivial issues? If she isn't, it's a habit you should on no account encourage her to develop. And if she is, you need to nix it.

YANBU.

I wouldn't respond at all.

Mad.

I hate seeing children dressed the same. They have individual personalities so I can never understand why parents think it's OK to dress them the same.

I hated, with a vengeance, being dressed the same as my sister. I was dark in colouring and my sister was fair so very rarely did the same clothes suits us both.

Why do your sons have to be dressed the same? Surely, to avoid your nephew feeling left out you can dress your sons differently.

I wouldn’t respond at all. If she mentions it again you didn’t answer because it was such a non issue as they choose their own clothes.

You've got to dress your DH the same as well now. It's the law

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

Tell her to take matters of fuckwittery to your DH who has had a life time of dealing with her banal requests.

But seriously - just ignore it - do not respond.

I would either a)ignore completely and passive aggressively make sure the boys match even more because I can be mega petty or b)speak to BIL/SIL and see if it is actually an issue. If the nephew is distraught after Sunday dinners then I can see why it was raised but I'd put money on MIL just not liking it.

I would get matching family outfits

Your nephew is so young that if it’s upsetting him, I would stop. I can see why a 4 yo might feel left out by two matching siblings, especially if those siblings view it as a fun novelty.

If your kids want to match they can just do it on days when you aren’t seeing your nephew. That seems like a reasonable compromise that doesn’t upset anyone.

@Geminijes Did you deliberately ignore the part where OP says that her sons like to dress the same sometimes?

As long as your oldest doesn't object carry on as you are and don't even respond. What a weird thing to worry about.

Text her back saying “Are you joking?” What you dress your boys in is nothing to do with anyone else

I understand that @Geminijes but the kids seem to like it, so why not? The issue is with the MIL and her (lack of) boundaries. As others have said i imagine it's a bugbear of hers - or an issue that she's projecting onto your nephew because of it. Either way it's none of her damn business.
I'd just reply and say the kids choose their clothes, it's not worth arguing with them about it, but you'll speak to your nephew's parents if she really thinks it's an issue.

Why wasn't your first thought to ask your DH to ask his Sibling?

Unnecessarily nasty towards someone who cooks your family a dinner every weekend.

Perhaps your Nephew is feeling left out and why would you want that?

When you go to her house you should follow her rules. She doesn’t want them dressing the same so honour that wish or stop your free meals.

Pretty sure it's not the four year old that's upset by this.

Forward text to DH, delete from your phone and carry on as you are - kids choosing their own clothes is part of normal development.

Ignore and carry on as normal. If she says anything again tell her you and your DS's will dress as you please, and if she doesn't like it then you will stay home/go elsewhere for dinner on Sunday's in future.

Don’t know but I’m still mentally mulling over the idea of buying the matching clothes in the first place. I guess I never considered it as a ‘thing’ so never did it with my kids do they never even knew making such a request was an option. If the younger one liked the older ones clothes then they never had to wait that long until they got it as a hand me down when the older grew out of it. I have heard of some saying they dress their twins identically to make keeping track of them easier when out and about but funnily I never see a boy in a purple polka dot dress to match his twin sister so that seems a bit of a furfy.

As a nana, I’d be cringing internally but wouldn’t make up a silly story about the nephew. If it was my DD I’d feel I could be honest with an honest opinion (acknowledging its her right to do whatever she wants in that regard) but honest opinions and DILs just don’t match and I guess it results in people making up ridiculous shit.

Because it bothers the child I would stop
IF it only bothered mil I wouldn’t

Maybe buy 3 t-shirts for them, let him enjoy the fun.

“My children will wear what we choose to put on them. If that’s not okay with you we won’t come.”

As a nana, I’d be cringing internally

That a little boy wants to wear the same outfit as his brother? What a weird thing for a grandmother to find cringey.

Ignore. It’s no ones business. I wouldn’t feed into this

@Ponoka7 ask my husband what? I don’t consult my husband regarding my sons’ clothes when I’m dressing them. My MIL has contacted me directly.

I’ve not responded to her so any suggestion that I’m being nasty is a bit premature.

So if some one cooks you a meal you automatically have to do as they ask.

What new bollocks is this?

Speak to nephew's parents and maybe coordinate outfits with them so they can all match for an afternoon if that makes things more fun.

I'd ignore MIL or get her son to speak to her.

Your DSs have chosen them clothes themselves. What a pathetic non-issue. YANBU. If the SIL was so bothered and the nephew really that upset then why doesn't she ask you beforehand what your boys will be wearing so she can find an outfit similar. It sound like MIL's issue. I'd ignore the text and carry on. I like PPs suggestions of whole family matching outfits!