To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

Have you asked her how she knows this?

You've got to dress your DH the same as well now. It's the law

I'd go the whole hog and make sure the four of you match!

As a few people have said - why is this your problem? Because clothes must be women's business?!

Tell her you'll pass the message along to DH and he and SIL can have a chat about it if they want to.

Do the same to future stuff "thanks I'll let DH know and he'll contact you" or whatever till she gets the message.

Why would anyone pass this on to their husbands, MN is so weird in that everything said by anyone in their husbands family has to be passed on to him.

How do you normally get on with mil? I'm assuming ok if you go for Sunday there a fair bit.
On one hand I'd want to take the high ground and ignore/Let dh deal with it on the other I'd be tempted to text back saying the boys will continue to pick their own clothes as usual but it won't be an issue as you have plans for the foreseeable and won't be around for dinner anytime soon.

If your nephew is indeed upset, stop putting the boys in matching outfits

But.......why? Why does the nephew get to dictate what other people do/don’t wear? It’s ok to be upset sometimes, it’s part of life. He’ll get over it.

I guess it depends on how good your relationship with your MIL is, @NoSauce. I had a great relationship with my MIL (I loved her dearly and miss her still - bastard cancer), and have a good relationship with my FIL, so I wouldn't ever feel the need to make my dh be the intermediary in a conversation. But if your relationship with your inlaws is poor, I can understand not wanting to have difficult conversations with them.

I can also see the argument that says that it isn't just the woman's role to mediate family issues - if his parents are causing problems, why shouldn't the man have to deal with them - why should he be allowed to shuffle off these things as 'wife work'?

Naboo, so you'd never refrain from doing something just because it upsets someone else? Lovely

I'd text sil/bil and say you heard from mil that nephew was upset that his clothes don't match your boys clothes on a Sunday. Tell them where you bought the boys clothes so that they can buy similar clothes if they wish. Bet bil/sil won't have a clue what you're on about.

As a nana, I’d be cringing internally but wouldn’t make up a silly story about the nephew. If it was my DD I’d feel I could be honest with an honest opinion (acknowledging its her right to do whatever she wants in that regard) but honest opinions and DILs just don’t match and I guess it results in people making up ridiculous shit.

Do you not have a son? Why is the DIL you would need to share the ‘honest opinions’ with?

Ask your DH to ask his sibling about it. It's ridiculous to purposely upset a young child just because you dig your heels in at being 'dictated to' and seemingly don't like your MIL. If sibling is ok with it then ignore MIL.

Tell mil Sundays can be themed now. But she has to join in.
Next week is witch day.....

Shes weird. Mine often wear matching t shirts as they have same interests - their choice

So much aggression on this thread.

Just text SIL and ask her. Maybe MIL sent the text because SIL wouldn't have brought it up? Or maybe it's just MIL projecting. You won't know unless you ask SIL.

Being aggressive in replying or falling out over it is really childish. If it's not hard to understand why a 2yr old wants to look like his brother why is it such a leap to think that a 4yr old would want to join in.

My 5yr old would never have worn the same clothes as his younger sibling but, on more than one occasion, he and his best friend would plead for the same outfit.

@omafiet I won't attach photos of my own family, but this image from Pinterest is the sort of thing we might wear to a wedding. You could also have a google of Nigerian wedding outfits for more ideas!

Now that you know it upsets your nephew, will you still feel ok about putting the boys in matching outfits? I'd feel a bit mean if I were you. I'd just let them match in another occasion instead.

However, is nephew really upset? Have you heard this from SIL? Or is MIL over exaggerating (is there a back story? Like why doesn't nephew have a sibling, perhaps there's a bit of hurt and jealousy there?)

They make some clothes in next where you can get matching stuff for parents and children, if I was you I'd be popping online to see what I could find. You could all be matchy matchy, the mil will love it! I actually would do this but then again I don't like my mil (and she doesn't like me) .

Why not just be kind? It upsets DN. For all we know perhaps DN would love a sibling and there are secondary infertility issues. It could be something no one wants to tell you about and is thinking that you will be kind enough to just follow what they have said.

Yes, even though I knew my nephew was upset, I would still allow my kids to choose what they want to wear, and if they chose matching, so be it.

Learning how to deal with things not going just the way we want them to is a part of life. I'm sure he'll get over it.

@Geminijes oh aren't you just a barrel of laughs!! Read the post, her kids wanted to. Jeez!!!

I would facetime MIL the next time I am due for a visit

then dress the boys like her.

“er I'd be tempted to text back saying the boys will continue to pick their own clothes as usual but it won't be an issue as you have plans for the foreseeable and won't be around for dinner anytime soon.”

Fuck me, some people are vile.

GetUpAgain
I am guessing a 4 year old wouldn't know about secondary infertility issue either.

Well I guess MN shows us again how we're all different but I don't understand things like this:

"Yes, even though I knew my nephew was upset, I would still allow my kids to choose what they want to wear, and if they chose matching, so be it.

Learning how to deal with things not going just the way we want them to is a part of life. I'm sure he'll get over it."

Isn't it also true that learning to compromise/negotiate/care for others is a useful life skill?