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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell MIL to wind her neck in

553 replies

senorasenora · 24/07/2019 11:30

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BertrandRussell · 25/07/2019 23:02

“SIL should have contacted OP directly if she was incapable of parenting her own child. Not gone bitching to MIL”

Grin hang on- was it you going on about hysteria and ramping up??? Now the sil is incapable of parenting her own child and bitching to the mil? Blimey!

saraclara · 25/07/2019 23:04

That’s why I said the first step should be ringing the sil to find out if the child is upset or not.

She DID contact the SIL. Yesterday. Not long after she posted on here.

Jeeze. So she posted on here first. Big deal. The first step she took in actually resolving it was exactly what you said it should be. If texting can be substituted for ringing.

brassbrass · 25/07/2019 23:06

They're still triggered Sara. Not sure what more they want OP to do now. Self flagellation...

Caplin · 25/07/2019 23:08

My MIL pulls this type of shit occasionally. Easier to ignore her (and SIL who is just as bad), although if I was feeling cheeky I would suggest to gran to buy outfits for all three if she wants them to match.

Ignore her though.

Gentleness · 25/07/2019 23:12

@senorasenora I think you handled this kindly and with dignity.

motherofcats81 · 25/07/2019 23:35

That they can never wear matching items in his presence or until his fragile ego gives them permission to?
Fragile ego @brassbrass? He is four. Some people really are being horrible about a very young child here. I very much doubt that he was "whining" or "dictating" as some PPs have put it, rather just showed some signs of feeling sad.

A question OP, as he is an only child does he see your children more like siblings? Me and my brother definitely have that dynamic with our cousin who is an only child, and I can imagine that when we were kids if we'd turned up to see him dressed in matching clothes and making clear he was the odd one out it would have been very hurtful.

I am about to have my almost certainly one and only child, and my brother and his wife, who i'm very close to, will likely have 2 or 3. As a close family we've already discussed that we want them to be more like siblings and that's particularly important for the only child, who otherwise might really feel the lack of them. My mother, an only child, had a similar relationship with her cousins.

It might just be worth thinking about whether this dynamic is at play here, your DN might desperately want brothers and this does just point up the fact he isn't one of them in a way that, while he will surely be able to handle further down the line, is a little more difficult for him at four.

SandAndSea · 25/07/2019 23:42

Am I the only one who loves the idea of a Cousin Club? They could just pick a colour to wear each time or something else simple like that. I think this would be fun.

YellowsAndPinks · 26/07/2019 06:44

@SandAndSea Yes you are.

Original poster
senorasenora · 26/07/2019 08:16

@NoSauce @BertrandRussell

Hope you’re not feeling as crabbit in the heat today Wink

OP posts:
NoSauce · 26/07/2019 08:17

That’s a good idea SandandSea, includes them all and costs nothing.

NoSauce · 26/07/2019 08:19

Not crabbit at all OP thanks for asking Smile

Knittedjimmychoos · 26/07/2019 08:28

MORNING CRABBITS,
Op, in answer to your original question, 'should Mil wind her neck in?'

I'd say the majority feel, YES, she should.

NoSauce · 26/07/2019 08:35

It’s ironic that the majority of those defending Op were the rude ones. Wink

motherofcats81 · 26/07/2019 09:25

Sorry I see you did text and seem to have it all sorted out. Well handled OP

MadamePompom · 26/07/2019 09:50

My 10 year old twins sons have completely different tastes in clothes but last time we went clothes shopping they chose the same top. By coincidence every time they have chose to wear it the other one is! Nothing to do with me as i know how awkward they can be with clothes. The smaller of my twins rejects most of the clothes passed down from his brother due to not liking them. Think he will want this particular t-shirt though!!!

haloumi · 26/07/2019 10:07

2 Options .

Don't Respond (and do whatever you like with your kids clothes)

or

Tell her to stop being a dick

manicmij · 26/07/2019 10:30

Having twins, I can say the last thing they wanted was to dress the same. Even had to take one myself and husband the other when looking for an outfit to attend a wedding; looking for bikes had to do the same. They would cringe at the suggestion of being dressed the same "we are different people". Get your MIL to explain to her DD that she needs to address the issue of her soon wanting to dress the same as your two. Of course they can always have matching dressing up outfits kept at your MIL. That would leave the problem with her.

brassbrass · 26/07/2019 10:58

Morning I thought crabbit was a typo for crabby but it's an actual word. Never heard it before.

SandAndSea · 26/07/2019 11:29

@YellowsAndPinks - Grin

bananasaidso · 26/07/2019 16:02

From a parent of a 4 yo single child I can understand where your MIL is coming from. I know it might be fun for your kids but from the other side only children do feel left out. I know mine is very sensitive that she doesn't have any siblings and treats her cousins as her siblings. She will definitely feel it if they dressed the same and she wasn't dressed as them. Can't your kids dress up the same on Saturdays? Is there any point hurting a kids feelings? Your MIL might have noticed the child's upset even if your SIL didn't say anything. Can you do that for a child instead of your MIL?

SweetNorthernRose · 26/07/2019 16:15

Wow, the irony of the folk saying OP should teach her kids kindness acting like complete nasty bitches has not been lost on me! Hmm

Knittedjimmychoos · 26/07/2019 16:48

Why couldn't Mil but special clothes for grannies house?

Why can't Mil be the diplomat, rather than issuing orders..

Purplealienpuke · 26/07/2019 18:10

As a grandma I would love to see my grandchildren every Sunday for lunch. I wouldn't give a shit how they were dressed!! Shes batshit. Ignore

Jux · 26/07/2019 19:04

This is how we breed a whole generation of snowflakes. Keep on, folks, keep on.

scubadive · 28/07/2019 08:44

Why would you buy a 5 year old and 2 year old the same clothes?

Do you wear matching clothes with your sibling?

I’d knock this on the head immediately, your 5 year old soon won’t want it and the 2 year old will have learnt it’s ok.

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