To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

When you go to her house you should follow her rules. She doesn’t want them dressing the same so honour that wish or stop your free meals Jesus, I didn't know that if someone fed you you had to follow their rules. What kind of fuckwittery is that?

I would ignore the text and turn up next time in as matchy matchy as you can possibly get

Next time you should wear the clothes as well. And the dog, if you have one.

So if my MIL requested me to dress a particular way when I go to her house for a meal, I should comply?

And if my MIL comes to mine for a meal, if I request her to dress a certain way, she should comply?

Um, I think not baby puppy.

Please please get full matching family outfits.

Ignore MIL. If you have a good relationship with SIL text her and say MIL has said DN is upset that DSs are drressing the same.

They like to at the weekend (I definitely wouldn't choose to dress them the same!) But if it's upsetting DN would it help if I tell you what they're wearing in the morning?

Or something like that.

As a compromise tell the MIL that the boys choose their own clothes but you will send a quick text with what colour/style they are wearing that day if the nephew wants to join in?

I would ignore and let your boys continue to chose what they wear.
The nephew will across ma

I think you need to consider how you'd react if your own mother had told you your sister's child was feeling sad because of something you/your DC did.

If I'd been politely asked to change something unimportant to help a small child, I certainly wouldn't be telling anyone to wind their neck in. (TBH, I can't imagine saying that to anyone)

It does seem ridiculous that he would feel left out because he doesn't have the same clothes, but frankly so does the argument that DS wants to match his brother. If that's reasonable, then it must also be reasonable that DN might be bothered by it.

Obviously you and Dc get to choose what they wear but personally I'd have a conversation with them about how it made DN feel rather than looking for an opportunity to fight with MIL.

For me, this is a classic case of would you rather be right or kind? Of course you have the right to dress DC as you see fit, but why would you insist, for one afternoon, knowing it will upset someone.

And if you don't...
Turn up with matching outfits for everyone! MIL, FIL, SIL and family, all of you lot already wearing them
Make them wear them!

I'd contact my SIL/BIL to clarify. If your nephew is genuinely feeling left out (doubt it, mine wouldn't even notice something like this at that age) I'd stop.

If he's not and it's come from MIL I'd make sure they were matching every time I saw her.

Maybe have nephews parents explain to him that your children are brothers and like matching. Maybe nephew could match with his dad? Your sons seem to like it and a 4yr old getting upset over what they wear isn't a good enough reason to take away something that helps your sons bond. I really don't see why your mil cares, unless you're matching outfits are t shirts that say "fuck off gran" then maybe i would see why shes so bothered but i doubt they are.

Ignore and make sure they are dressed the same more regularly if they want to. If she says anything when you get there just say that the boys want to do it, and I'm sure they will grow out of it and laugh it off. The Nephew needs to learn that these things happen and he shouldn't get to dictate what other children do.
My in laws tried this on with me saying how they'd like to see their granddaughter in a dress next time we went. I don't like being dictated to so made sure she never wore a dress at theirs again. It was middle of winter when they said that.

many situations where he comes across other children dressing the same. Will Mil be demanding they also stop?

(Don't know why it posted half way through)

How pathetic. I'd tell her to do one!

I would not engage,pass to dh for attention

I wouldn't mention it to the boys that it's upsetting their cousin. The older one will probably mention it to him.

Matching family outfits for everyone, your immediate family, and sil, bil, nephew and of course mil and fil. You'll all look lovely. Bonus points for a ridiculous outfit, I'm thinking sailor suits would look nice.

I hate seeing children dressed the same. They have individual personalities so I can never understand why parents think it's OK to dress them the same.

My two have individual personalities that do not give a shiny shit about what they are wearing most of the time. My mum bought them matching outfits (I might not have done, but I had no objections) and I used to dress them the same while we were out so that it one of them went missing it was easier to hold up the other and ask if someone had seen another child dressed like that. It never ocurred to me that it would inspire 'hate' in anyone, particularly not someone who had no dealings with our family!

Realistically, i would check with sil to see if nephew is genuinely upset, and if he is, i would go someway to mollify him, he is only 4, after all. So perhaps just matching t shirts for yours, but different shorts.

Why do you go every week, tell her you'll not come if there's a dress code, and send the message to your dh.

Ok I'm changing my response to matching family outfits, preferably some kind of hilarious theme.

@senorasenora - previous posters are right - you all need to turn up in identical outfits next time!!

Or, more realistically, you could tell your MIL that your sons choose their outfits and are happy with them, but you are perfectly willing to let your in-laws know where you bought the outfits, so their child can match too.

I would reply "Thanks for letting me know how [nephew] is feeling. Of course I don't want him to be upset. I shall discuss the issue with SIL/BIL"

Matching family outfits are almost expected where I come from. My girls love wearing the same and if it's a special occasion like a Wedding, all four of us wear outfits made with the same material!

Could you get your nephew sime of the same t-shirts as his cousins, so everyone matches? Then he's not left out.