To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

Hes a prick. Never cook for him again. He or your in laws should have been cooking.

What a prick

Yanbu. With a brand new baby they should have been helping you. Your dh was very wrong to treat you that way.

Why the fuck can some men STILL not cook in this day and age?

Is FIL a chauvinist?

I think every visitor we had that soon after DD arrived came with food for us all and insisted on preparing it themselves. Sorry your family is so selfish, especially your DH

Your partner is the unreasonable one. No one expects a new mum to cook. He should have got off his backside and stopped playing kiddies games and cooked himself.

YANBU. Jeez I have been invited to a mates house for a dinner party before, where she just hadn't gotten around to it and then we got sloshed so we just ordered takeaway.

At 3 weeks in with my babies I was still swanning around and being looked after by various relatives and DH.

Fuck cooking a roast.

You know why people pull this shit with you? Because they think they can, make it clear that they can't.

Who the fuck are the 2% that voted yabu? Do your dh and fil have an mn account?

Your dh is a prick but he clearly didn't lick it off a stone!

Dh can't cook how fucking convenient for him! My neighbours dog could cook a roast it's that easy, do not baby the knob head.

For me that would be it I'd be saying
"I am disgusted at you and your father that you both sat around and wanted a woman who is 3 weeks post partum to wait on you and then had the audacity to be rude when I wasn't able. I will never cook a meal for your family again, I will always make them welcome but cooking for your family if your job now, I will never do it again after that display of rudeness from both of you. And you may learn to cook because it's now a 50/50 task. Never treat like a 1950's housewife again or you can go home with your pig ignorant father and live with him" and stick too it

Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister

Grown man - with family - playing games.

What is he, a 6yo?

I've added to your 98% YANBU vote.

You need to train up DP so you aren't the default cook.
Cooking a big roast for a lot of adults is bluddy hard work.

Well unless they’re all afflicted with no arms or legs there’s not one single reason why any one of them couldn’t have made the dinner. This infuriates me. YOU have just had a baby, the baby needs YOU. Fine if people want to visit but they are there to help - clean, cook, tidy, look after baby while you grab a shower, whatever - not to sit there demanding roast dinners. Your DP is an absolute arse. That should never have happened.

A bit daft to have even thought of cooking a roast. You have not long had a baby, you should be taking things easy and yes ordering a takeaway.

In future tell anyone that you will play it by ear - maybe cook maybe takeaway. If DP's dad only came for a roast he could have had one in a restaurant!

And once again a stupid selfish husband doesn't think or help.

They are all arses! If I had come to visit and you had a 3 week old and was struggling with them crying. I would have rolled up my sleeves and cooked for you. What kind of people bowl up at a new parents house expecting a full roast cooked by them? Fucking cockwombles. How mean! To be fair I wouldn't have accepted a dinner invite from you I would have turned it into you grab the stuff and I'll drive down and cook.

Oh and your husband obviously needs the practice so he should step up. Cooking is a skill he need to practice! I'd say the next 3 month's of cooking will help him learn!

Congratulations on your new baby. Xx

Your DP “had a go” at you for looking after his baby instead of cooking a roast dinner for his family while he was playing a childrens’ game?

He could have taken the baby, he chose not to.
He could have cooked the dinner, he chose not to. I hold no truck with “can’t cook”. Every adult should teach themselves to cook a few basic dishes. It’s not the dark arts.
He could have managed his family’s expectations when it became apparent that the roast dinner was not happening.
He could have pulled up his dad when he was being an arse.
He could have suggested his family bring some or all of the meal with them like normal people who visit a 3 week old family member.

There were 3 adults and a 16yo in the house besides you and nobody could turn the oven on? I think the dad’s first wife is leading by example here.

God both sound awful
Cooking is not hard at a simple level mainly time management! Roast he could have done

You need to talk to him tell him to get his act together and learn how to cook and get himself out of the 1950s

What a horrible family.

So if everyone had been in the same room playing playing pass the baby they must have known that there was no lunch on the way.

What I find hardest with a roast is timings, but basically it's putting meat & potatoes in the oven & preparing & boiling other veg isn't it?

Surely your husband could have done that for when they arrived instead of both of you trying to settle one baby?

So your husband calls you lazy although he did nothing at all towards a meal??

What I don't get is how your husband's parents just sat there. She (his stepmum) has given birth and knows that you can't plan with a newborn. Even a placid one will let you down! No way would I be able to sit there while a new mom cooked a roast. And that would have been the case before even having them!

I'm so angry for you!
Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Can't believe his Dad was even rude enough to say anything about the roast. Shows both of their misogynist entitlements.
Nip this in the bud with your husband.
Stop accepting the 'I can't cook' bullshit. He is the lazy one. Make him get a simple cook book and start cooking alternate evenings otherwise you will end up doing it all.
Many women make the mistake of doing everything in maternity leave and then when you go back to world you'll end up working, cooking and doing the lion share of childcare.
Put a stop to it now

As PPs say, your DP is the main problem here.

Whatever you to, return to full time, paid WoH after maternity leave.

When I had a newborn, my guests cooked me roast dinners 🤷‍♀️

Why couldn't any of them offer to cook? I went to see my new niece when my cousin was 6 weeks post partum baby was constantly feeding and it was getting nearer to my elder niece's dinner time. I made them all dinner, my cousin kept saying she was grateful and that she felt bad making a guest cook for them but honestly for me it wasn't a big deal as she is my family and would absolutely do the same for me.

Next time you are gonna have people over though maybe don't remark about what you will cook for them beforehand? Or be bold enough to ask for help. Also, always a good idea to have a couple of lasagne type meals frozen so you can pull them out to serve people post partum.

Your DP should have cooked it! Absolute arsehole, I can’t believe his cheek.

you are definitely NBU!!! you have a three week old, and newborns are absolutely exhausting. your useless DP should have pulled his finger out and helped. don't back down on this one, you've done nothing wrong

God the men in your life sound awful! They should be cooking/buying takeaways for you not the other way round. Pigs!