To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

You're spending too much time trying to make things easier for other people.

"Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that."
No-one ever died from being told "you'll have to wait, she's only just gone down".

"Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister."
"DP I need you to help me."

Sounds like everyone is very comfortable with the idea that they all get to doss around because you'll just do everything and pick up the pieces.

Sophe - are you even a parent? All parents will have experience of planning to do something but the plan failing eg child gets chicken pox before a holiday, child gets ill so can't go to party and so on.

OP is not unreasonable to assume that between the 2 of them that they could entertain her ILs. The youngest guest was a teen and between the 4 of them, could have easily made the meal while Op dealt with baby. Personally I would have bought pizza as it had 2 votes but that's a minor point. Judging from the post, OP is a sweet person (who actually likes her ILs )and I bet she normally looks after them without her partner laying a finger and will continue to do so in future.

OP- make sure that your partner helps entertain in future. Whether that's buying the ingredients, cooking food before they arrive so it just needs reheating, cleaning... there's lots that needs doing and he should be helping! Roasts are time consuming but hardly difficult. All he needs is a bunch of alarms on his phone so he knows when to take things out/put them on etc

I would be going over DP head and asking the in laws what on earth they were thinking getting cross at you for not making dinner 3 WEEKS after you've had a baby. Jesus. I would also not be speaking to my husband and telling him to go stay with them till he sees sense. Nip that shit in the bud quick.

DP is being an absolute bellend here. Ignore them all and if I was you, I'd never offer to cook again. DP could have cooked whilst you were tending to DD instead of playing Mario.

Woah... some relationship ground rules here I think. "I am not the cook, cleaner or any other unpaid servant. You are not Lord of the Manor. Pull your weight. Learn to cook. Stop being such an entitled selfish arse."

Do you know what. One word we all keep using on here is ‘help’ ( I think me included) OP don’t ask you partner to help, ask him to ‘do’. It is also his job. Tell him to get off his arse and do something if his family want dinner. Help implies it is all her responsibility and that is BS!

Wow. Wow. Your FIL sounds as self-centred as your husband. No surprises that your husband takes after his dad. It seems to be the way he was raised. There is no way my father would exclaim I was looking forward to a roast!! You know what he would say? "Don't be silly! You gave birth only 3 weeks ago! NO ONE would expect you to cook anything, let alone a roast!" That is what your FIL should have said.

You're what, probably still bleeding. Sore. Exhausted. Surely a sensible person would not take at face value your offer to cook a bloody roast! My DH and my father all did/do equal cooking. If your DH can't even cook at least 2 or 3 meals a week to help out when you are only 3 weeks post birth, he is a deadbeat last pathetic excuse of a DH.

To be honest your husband sounds like a right worthless pig, and I would have put him in his place and told him to get off his last arse and SUPPORT his wife and newborn baby! Tell you want, he wouldn't be sharing a bed with me until he gave the mother (pardon the pun) of all grovelling apologies and promised to actually do some cooking and pull his weight in future.

PS Show him this thread. This 'D' (I think 'DH' should stand for something else in this instance) really needs to be mortified at his behaviour and made to see just how bad it is and get a reality check.

YANBU. your partner should have cooked. They were fed, that's all that matters

If he said he was hungry at 6.30 he’d have been ravenous if waiting for a roast. You did the right thing totally. They could have cooked and in fact should have offered to help. How soon people forget what being post partum feels like

@jellyrunner that’s a really good point.

Bless you OP.
I never think it's wise to show DP threads but please show him this one.
You carried, grew and fed from your own body a fucking human being.
You gave birth to that human being.
You are knackered.
Your hormones are all over the place.
And your DP has a go at your for not starting to cook at roast at 6:30.
Fuck that OP.
He seriously needs to realise he needs to pull his fucking weight when family visit.
His or yours.
Playing games while you struggle is NOT on.
He sounds like a prick to be honest.

You've sent an apology now he can apologise for expecting you to do this.
I wanna slap him for you!

THIS from browneyes - couldn't have said it better myself!! YADNBU op they were behaving like selfish thoughtless pricks.

I’d have told him “Look dickhead, Instead of flapping your childish chops at me, you could have got off your lazy arse and helped me, Instead of playing fucking computer games and expecting me to wait on you and your family hand and foot you cheeky, ignorant, ungrateful, lazy bastard!”.

What a bunch of fucking arseholes.. Lazy arseholes at that. In fact, I'd have fed them a half cooked chicken and watched with glee as each one ran the toilet repeatedly with diahorrea. That would teach them. They should have cooked. For gods sake you have just grown and birthed a whole new human being. Your partner needs slapped into next week as well. I'll Mario kart him into a fucking bridge!!

I don't have children but, if I went to anyone's house 3 weeks after they had a baby I'd be either bringing the food or leaping in to cook it as soon as I arrived, and washing up etc.