To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

Wow. I have never wanted more to come round and have a word with someone's DP. You. Have. Given. Birth. 3. Weeks. Ago. Everyone else can f off. You've just made a human. They can make food.

They should of been offering to bloody help tell him to sod off x

Oh OP this makes me so sad for you.
Read this thread out to my DP (Dr in Obgyn currently) and he cringed!

You are NOT up to cooking a roast and your DH is a complete asshole for saying anything other than ‘how can I help? I can prep the food or call the take away ... your choice!’

It doesn’t matter what you said on the phone or what plans you made in advance. It DEFFINATLEY doesn’t matter that DH wanted to ‘spend time with his sis...which I’m sure will be his argument’

You have a 3 week old baby and that takes 100% priority!

You've just made a human. They can make food

Love this. I would be saying it to DP ad infinitum for every meal until he fucking redeemed himself (if that's even possible)

Oh sweet merciful fuck I can’t even get my shit together to write something proper, I am SO annoyed after reading this to put it simply .. YANBU THEY ARE!

Ps .. absolutely show ur DP this post

Maybe chicken shop was a bit grim, but DP wanted Indian and his dad and stepmum pizza so we let the teenager decide.

So your DP has a go at you for not cooking and upsetting his dad yet he won’t agree with pizza because he wants indian?

Awful attitude all
Of them. I’m so sorry for you and that he’s made you feel bad. Vile behaviour.

DP should be putting you and your little one first, NOT himself and his fecking family. I was married to one just like that, selfish pig xx

YANBU but I also think you're struggling with adjusting to life with a newborn and the bone crushing tiredness that comes with it - both of you and arguments about stupid shit are going to happen. I'm sure his dad wasn't being shitty about it at all.

(To DP I mean)

It's raging hot if your in the UK. TOO HOT to cook a roast. You have a3 week old baby who was demanding your attention all day. If you had started cooking at half 6 when you finally had a chance it would have been 10 time you sat down to eat if you had to prep and cook alone. Point out to your dp that your body is still recoving from giving birth. It takes 6 weeks to heal that why you have a 6 week check up. You should be resting when your baby sleeps not running around for his family.

I’m sending you and LO a hug. Had similar experiences and my recommendation is to decide what was the outcome you would have wanted. Looking after children can be tough so do be ready to prioritize yourself as well. By caring for you, it helps to care for them. At four weeks, I prepared breakfast and was rushing around. I hoped they’d make their own tea/coffee but no, absolute disapproval that I clearly couldn’t do that as well. There was a whole list. At five weeks I started to bleed heavily. They refused to help. There’s a simple house rule sadly now. Newborn = no house guests. Please be ready to let people know what you need and what is an unreasonable ask. I should have asked them to leave.

Hate to tell you this but your partner sounds like my son's dad, we split when our son was a year old.
He will only get worse unless you stamp out that behaviour early and tell him you won't put up with that

Sophe

Your a dick for saying that

Your DP should have got off his backside and cooked. You have spent the last 9 months growing his DD. That takes a lot. You are not going to recover from giving birth in 3 weeks. He needs to man up, support you and tell his DF to do one. YADNBU OP. ( I agree you should show him this)

YANBU we had my husbands cousins to stay when my third was a newborn. She was brilliant. Cooked the main meal both evenings. Your family should have cooked.

@sophe

Awa’ n bile yer heid eejit

Wine o’clock 🖕🏻

I think the only mistake you made here was offering to cook in the first place! For future just don't set up the expectation that you will wait on them hand and foot, then they won't be disappointed! (To be clear you have done NOTHING wrong and I agree with pp that your partner is being unreasonable and ridiculous.)

Sorry, you lost me here. You volunteered to cook this meal, invited them round for it. You had the time to get all this food, get it all assembled etc. Why did you really not manage to get it in the oven? Wine o'clock?

Goady, ignorant twat of the thread award goes to... Sophe.

When I got home with DS3 my mum turned up with dinner and then cleaned my bathroom so it was nice for me to shower and feel vaguely human. That's not remarkable though, expecting to be waited on hand and foot is

I have to say as a first time grandma I would have never expected my daughter to cook anything, she was exhausted with late nights, breast feeding and being totally sleep deprived with hormones all over the place. For the first 6 weeks post natal friends and family rallied round and would turn up with meals or cook for them and takeaways were a godsend.

In my honest opinion the family should have turned up with food, even a buffet style thing would have been appreciated and DP should have been prioritising you and your baby and got off his backside and helped. Seems he doesn t perhaps realise how much you have gone through to get to this stage and he should be pulling out all the stops to be helpful , this is 2019 not the Victorian era and men are equally responsible.
To OP please don t feel you have to provide meals for visitors, reign in that impulsive streak and think of yourself and your baby first because you ll need all your strength for the coming weeks.
Hope all goes well for you 👍🏻Xx

@HuniThos

Lesson for your dp:-

1- pop joint in the oven, cover with foil
2- pop potatoes and veg in the steamer
3- pop roasties and stuffing in the oven, uncover joint
4- get out joint to rest
5- heat up gravy
6- pop in Yorkshire puds to the oven
7- carve meat
8- dish out
9- add Yorkshire’s
10- cover with gravy

The secret- ready prepared vegetables, baby potatoes, frozen roasties, ready made Yorkshire’s and ready made gravy (Waitrose fo a nice one).
Even my exdp who could only make fish fingers, chicken nuggets, smiles etc could do this by the time we broke up! He couldn’t do it all from scratch- real roasties, gravy etc, I did try, but he just got himself confused, but it was better than nothing! We used to call it ‘dad’s quick roast’, instead of ‘mums real roast’😊

@sophe Maybe it’s you whose been on the wine for coming out with that completely ignorant shite.

OP, your DP is a massive prick. And so is his Dad if he said any of the stuff your DP said he did.

Or could it be that your DP was looking forward to having a roast dinner cooked for him and it was really HIM that was annoyed at the lack of roast and not FIL, so used his Dad as an excuse to whinge?

Either way, it still makes your DP a massive wanker.

I’d have told him “Look dickhead, Instead of flapping your childish chops at me, you could have got off your lazy arse and helped me, Instead of playing fucking computer games and expecting me to wait on you and your family hand and foot you cheeky, ignorant, ungrateful, lazy bastard!”.

But that’s me

Are you going to have aproper talk with dp now-he cant carry on not cooking coz he apparently cant-will you always be doing everything when people visit