To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

Well lots of people like to eat later in the evening, not everyone is an early diner!

Love it that someone comes to visit a family with a newborn and expects a roast dinner! Christ you would've been lucky to get warm tea and a wagon wheel when my first was born.

Well, you must know you’re not. But why did you leave your dh playing Mario Kart because he’s close with his sister and doesn’t see her often? Why would you think like that?

I can't believe you have to actually ask this question.

He is very close with his sister and doesn't see her often so I didn't want to force him away.

I can't believe you think this is an actual excuse...?

Your partner and his father are both utter pricks. Raging on your behalf. Your partner should be taking care of you and supporting you.

DP is a shit cook, cooking is something he doesn't do because it's grim. All he does is basic packet stuff once in a blue moon.

For the past 3 weeks we've been living off ready meals. When it comes to baby, I'd say we do 50/50 on nappy changes etc when he's not working. He does feeds as I express.

I honestly don't know what caused this tension over the meal. He said he hasn't seen his family in ages and wanted a stress free night and that I made them feel unwelcome over the dinner. Maybe I came across a bit cold and distant but I was exhuasted and anxious over DD's crying.

You've just had a baby and your dp is calling you lazy for not cooking a roast? He sounds a right gem. I'd tell him to fuck off and cook his own roast.

Nope.
You are not unreasonable. It's your Dh and the rest of them for sitting on their collective arses. If he's close to his sister they could've cooked together, though with a roast started at 6.30 , you wouldn't have been eating till quite late and it should've been blatantly obvious you weren't going to magically turn into Julia Child.
If your FIL had expectations about the roast tough shit. He shouldn't have expressed his disappointment when it was obvious the baby was having a bad day. He could also have started to help out as could his wife. I'd have asked him if he came for the food or to see the baby. Ass.

Plans have to be flexible with babies. You are not Wonder Woman when you are 3 weeks post partum.

DH is being a prick.

If you’ve been living on ready meals for three weeks, why would you decide to do a full roast for the extended family? This makes zero sense.

And I doubt this is the first instance of your dp being a selfish ass.

HeadintheiClouds On the day I offered to do it (a good week ago) I was in quite high spirits, and I thought it would be nice. I usually enjoy cooking and thought family coming would be a good excuse to do some. Things felt different on the day.

DP is a shit cook, cooking is something he doesn't do because it's grim. All he does is basic packet stuff once in a blue moon.

Well, now's the perfect time for him to learn. Unless he intends to go through life unable to cook, and you intend to let him.
Charity shops are a good source of cook books. He can start there.

Ignore Headintheclouds. They're goady and quite frankly nasty on every single thread.

Dps family so default is he cooks. Also if I arrived at that sort of situation I'd say right can I help?!? What can I do/let me take the baby!

Posted too soon meant to say also, selfish people without empathy.

'
By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. '

TBH

I'd have thought you'd have already let them know there was no roast. Presumably you'd have had to start cooking well prior to 6.30 if any chance of roasting anything.

God I had this shit after my first child. DH parents came to stay supposedly to help but instead whined about how they felt unwanted. Perhaps if they'd helped me rather than sit and judge a new parent it might have been better.
Same with your inlaws. Who comes over to a 3week post partum mum and whitters like a prick that the roast dinner they'd been promised wasn't delivered. Surely anyone with any compassion and brain cell would see that you were struggling with an unsettled baby and offer to help.

Your DP sounds inept. How dare he who can't cook tell you that you should have made the roast and people were disappointed. You got takeaway. You even paid for it. So they should absolutely wind their necks in.
Is your DP also 16?

Wtaf! THREE WEEKS after giving birth and with a newborn to care for!

What the hell is wrong with them?!

"D"p needs a kick up the arse BIG style for

A not being a LOT more bloody helpful! Fathers of 3 week old babies DON'T have time to piss about on computer games! He needs to step RIGHT up! Who fucking broke his arms and legs? Oh they're not broken? Then he needs to get OFF HIS ARSE and be of some bloody use!

"DP is a shit cook, cooking is something he doesn't do because it's grim. All he does is basic packet stuff once in a blue moon."

Time he bloody learned then! Very very few people genuinely can't cook especially if guided/supervised by someone who can. "Strategic incompetence" op - look it up!

B not sticking up for you with his arsehole, ungrateful, misogynistic father! (Not surprised he's divorced!) most decent visitors at such a time would either bring food, cook or at the very least suck up being hungry!

C having a go at YOU which was a truly despicable, shitty thing to do!

Honest to fuck what's wrong with people?!

Your partner is being ridiculous, and his father was rude to complain about the lack of a home-cooked meal.

I'd learn from this experience and not offer any specific foods when arranging visits for the foreseeable future. If they aren't expecting something in particular, they shouldn't be disappointed if you find that you simply aren't up to preparing an elaborate meal.

Meanwhile, your partner needs to shut up. If he can't be bothered to help you in the kitchen, then he has no business hassling you about the food-- and if his father actually was complaining or acting insulted, he should have been defending you!

Any normal person would have seen that you were having a hard day, and even if they were disappointed about the change in menu, they're adults who should have had better manners than to express anything other than gratitude for the food you did provide.

Your dp is a selfish arse. One day you will open your eyes.

I don’t say this lightly but they can both fuck right off

YANBU and your 'D'P is being a jerk. He could have cooked while you were busy with your baby.

If my husband pulled that shite on me he would be cooking every meal for himself for the next month unless he realised he was completely in the wrong and grovelled at my feet apologised! tell him to F off

Cooking is not rocket science. DH was a very basic cook when I met him, his parents don't really cook well. Now he can make eggs Benedict from scratch. Perfectly, hollandaise and all. Because he learned. It's just like any other skill, you practice and get better.

Your dp was a knob
He could easily have put stuff in the oven for a roast dinner, its not difficult.