To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

Anyway, if I was visiting family with a newborn, I'd be offering to make the meal/bring one myself.

You have a 3 week old. You aren’t supposed to be doing anything but caring for a newborn and recovering.

This.

Your fil is a prick.

Your DH let you down massively here, the biggest disappointment really. He should have known to have your back on this - not necessarily cooking if he rarely gets to see his sister, but to reset expectations with his family & tell them to grow the fuck up.

As soon as you even mentioned cooking a roast, they should have insisted you do no such thing.

what a bunch of clueless twats!!!

Lazy?? He's a fucking idiot. Why didn't HE make the sodding roast if it was that important?

They all sound horrible. In laws shouldn't be expecting you to cook in the first place, never mind complaining. When you visit someone who has just had a baby it's pretty standard form to offer to bring food/ order a takeaway/ offer to cook.

If DP wanted something to be different he should have done something about it ie either cooked himself or sorted out the food situation earlier.

Please don't let this set a precedent, concentrate on your health and your baby, not the whims of perfectly capable adults who don't have a newborn to look after

I'm stroppy cow, but I would text all the adults involved

'That I'm sorry that they were disappointed that I didn't cook a roast dinner. But I am very disappointed that while I as a new mum was trying to settle a 3 week old baby that was very unsettled, that none of them could get their arses and cook a dinner. And what sort of person feel that, that behavior is even in anyway shape or from acceptable.'

And It will be long time before any of them will be invited again.

Sorry posted to soon.

I would be telling DP in very clearly that HIS behavior was totally unacceptable, and that there is nothing nice about a grown man reverting back to being a child when in the present of his parent. And going forward he will be learning to cook and that I was not going to fall into the housekeeper, nanny role and as a equal parent HE has a responsibility to become a fully functioning adult.

What horrible selfish relatives to have, and as for your DP, what a pig. Like his dear papa. I'm sorry for you. It would be a cold day in hell before they were invited back and if they invited themselves they'd be lucky to get a biscuit. I hope DP improves in the future.

Good grief OP. If I'd have offered to cook a roast so soon after my babies were born both sides of the family would have told me not to be so silly and probably offered to come and cook one here if I wanted one!

You need to pull your DP into line, the shithead. What's wrong with him, is he normally so selfish?

Even without a new born, who would turn up at somebody's house and expect anything specific? How bloody rude and entitled! If you expect something, go to a restaurant.

Fair enough-ish if it's Christmas and a close relative has invited you - and wouldn't ask you to bring anything but can't be bothered on the day. Even so you wouldn't complain, would you.

As long as there's food, the polite and normal reply is to say "thank you". Unless you are presented with a bill that you didn't expect

You definitely are not being unreasonable.
Your FIL was being hugely rude,
He has at least two children of his own he should have some insight, I wonder if he did fuck all and expected his ex and his DW to run around looking after him a couple of weeks after they had his DC.
As for your DP he needs a hick as his behaviour really isn't acceptable.
If the roast was that important to them all why didn't they try taking baby for a small walk down the road earlier in the day so you could have cooked (although I honestly don't think it would have been right for them to expect you to given the day you had).

Omg op you are not unreasonable in the slightest! I am so mad on your behalf!

When I had my babies my in laws would bring us a stew in the slow cooker or take us out for food!

Lazy?? Lazy?? You've just had a baby ffs!!! I am fuming for you op!!

Hugs to you and I hope your husband has apologised to you!

Dear god. I made my first roast about 3 montha pp. On a Saturday afternoon while DH had DS. It was just for us and took ages as I was out of practice. No pressure though.

I am horrified that at 3 weeks PP your family were expecting a roast dinner. This is not remotely normal.

I couldnt be with a man who not only felt it was acceptable for me to cook a roast at 3 weeks PP but have a go at me and call me lazy when circumstances meant I couldnt. Ugh. He sounds disgusting.

@HuniThos

YOU made the mistake of saying 'I will cook us all a big roast,' and obviously that's what they were expecting.

Some men - not all - are quite selfish and entitled, and have a black and white view of the world. You said you were going to do it, and that is what was going to happen. THEY saw you (your DP and his father) as lazy and 'not bothered' because you didn't cook the meal (as promised.)

I put YABU, because although YANBU to not want to cook, and your DP and his family sound like entitled arses, you brought this on yourself somewhat.

Good luck being a member of this family though, with men like that in it.

Your LO is 3 weeks old and takes up 98% of brain space for the first 3 months at least. Jesus of course your not in the wrong for being unable to cook a roast. DP’s family came round Boxing Day (LO was a week old cluster feeding and my section was no where close to healed) and I didn’t cook for them, his gran has a few comments regarding it.

Lucky for me my partner shot them down as soon as they were out there. Your partner should be a lot more supportive, at least they were fed!

Whatever we promise to cook for guests, it's not a binding contract. Unless they need a special meal, of course.

Adults with families don't get to be 'shit cooks'. They get to learn how to cook since it's not difficult.

Even if they are not interested in cooking they can learn three or four things to do well. I managed to get my ex to cope with chili, a roast and breakfast pancakes.

Roasts are really not difficult in terms of the construction of them, just a bit fiddly round the timing.

IAskTooManyQuestions He is very close with his sister and doesn't see her often so I didn't want to force him away. In other circumstances I would have insisted.

Then they could have cooked together and bonded that way. Honestly can't believe the cheek of them, expecting you to rustle up a roast whilst they sat on their bums.

I suggest you be very, very clear that their behaviour was unacceptable and you won't be inviting them again if they expect you to run around after them. Don't let them treat you like a servant op, this is NOT ok.

Easy to see where your DH inherited his weapons grade bell endery from Op ...

A roast takes 5 minutes to prepare, start at 6.30, eat by 8.30.

You can peel and chop all your potatoes and other veg in 5 minutes? I'm in awe!

i wish my mother was still alive if i was in this same situation she would have made me sit down and cooked for us.Thats what family do help each other

The only lazy ones were sat on their arses waiting to be waitd on. I personally would have got them peeling veg and that and prepping the meat to go on around 4.30 HOWEVER it was way too hot to be cooking a roast yesterday here

What a bunch of cunts OP.
Obviously you are not being unreasonable. Even with the easiest birth 3 weeks is still very early and plans fall apart.

At the easiest level, a roast can be - bung a joint, some aunt Bessie's roasties and Yorkshire's in the oven. Absolutely any adult can do that, simple reading of instructions. A few veg can be boiled on a hob. Again, if an adult doesn't know how to do that, they could google it, same as they would do anything else. Gravy can be bisto. Ok, not the best roast in the world but a roast nevertheless.

It isn't a task a fully grown NT adult 'can't do'. Sure, they might not know how, but they could google it. I would turn this argument around on your dp as to be honest that's pretty embarrassing and laughable that a grown man cannot pour some peas in a pan of boiling water.