To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

Your husband’s family is inconsiderate and maybe it explains his behaviour. He’s got a lot of nerve to have a go at you for not cooking for his family while bye relaxes and plays like a child. Meanwhile, you are three weeks post partum!

Husband and family are being completely unreasonable and downright rude. Who excepts the mother of a 3 week old to cook a roast dinner. Anyone half decent, family or husband would have said you have enough on your plate, we will cook for you or let’s all get a takeaway. You absolutely 100% NOT being unreasonable.

After both of my children I was looked after - granted I did lose a lot of blood with both - to the point my Nan (think early 80s) told me off for having the audacity to offer to make her a cup of tea.

Your DP/iLs are being massively unreasonable and unpleasant and none of them are considering how hard your baby having a bad day is. Stop making excuses for him and see him as the entitled man-child he is

YANBU.

For her faults, my MIL helped DH cook dinner when they came to see DD at one week old, and I’d starve before asking a new mum to cook a whole fucking roast dinner.

Tell your DP he is welcome to take the flak for being an arse and not helping you out. His sister could have helped?!

Wtaf playing mario kart as you settled baby and expected to cook a roast. I’m shocked he has the cheek to argue with you over it

I hope to God that your FiL has to have hernia repair or prostate surgery then when you visit you can plop your arse on the sofa and say "So where's dinner, FiL? I'm so looking forward to you cooking it!".

What a git!

No one I know would EVER expect a new mum to cook! Most people here show up with something in hand for illness or childbirth, even if it's only some cake or a casserole 'for later'. My Mum and MiL brought dinner over every day for the first two weeks. Of course, bringing food is a perfect excuse to see new babies, but hey, that's fine!

YANBU... to be frank your DP and his dad are thoughtless, selfish pricks

YANBU

your DH is BVU!

I'm sorry but your dp is just being a lazy arse

I am so angry on your behalf!!! Ridiculous, nasty and thoughtless. I would not give this a second thought, basically by talking about it it gives their opinions some kind of credence. Gosh how dare they. You are well within your rights to order a take away, the lazy ones are your husband, his Dad and the rest of the family.

Wow, I have a 6 week old and still maintain my rule that if you come for cuddles at any meal time you bring food with you and cook for me!!! You shouldn’t be cooking for anyone at the moment and it is hugely unreasonable that they didn’t jump up and offer to cook when you said you were tired. What horrible people.

My daughter dad, baby around 3 weeks old. Baby was crying, he was shouting Alison shut ‘it’ up. In between me trying to wash the dishes and cook. What was he doing, playing on the PlayStation and getting angry because of a crying baby. YANBU, bunch of selfish twats, I’m glad you didn’t cook x

Show your DP this thread

Definitely no. You were not rude. At all.

I’m another hoping you nip this behaviour in the bud, OP.

I’m cringing remembering what a doormat I was with my now ex. The midwife had come out to do her check and wasn’t happy with my stitches. In the meantime, I was trying to attend the newborn and my 18 month old. He was in the other room playing on the PlayStation. The midwife went through and told him off good style.
She said, “you need to get these two into their outdoor clothing, into their car seats and prepare their changing bags for a stay with the relative, or friend, you’re about to call. Then you’re going to drive Toffee to the Women’s hospital where I’ve arranged for her infection to be treated ASAP.”
His face was like thunder. Luckily my DM was on standby. He never forgave that midwife for calling him out. By the time my newborn had reached his first birthday I’d LTB. That was 15 years ago.

He should have got off his arse and cooked instead of playing a video game. Tell him if he continues being this lazy and selfish you'll be off.

Marriages and relationships fall apart after arrival of a baby precisely because of attitudes like that of your arsehole DP.

When you have a 3 week old baby it would be more in order if the visitors cooked for you, not to mention the DP.

I wish you all the best and lots of strength OP, because you will need it with this lot.

Unbelievable! How can so many family members fail to support you.
He's a knob, they're knobs. YANBU at all.
Idiots!

Your “D”P is being a twat. I’d have throat punched him!

I think it's okay for DF in law to say he was looking forward to the roast. But nobody went hungry. The takeaway was a good alternative.

Your DP is wrong to have a go at you.

So they came expecting a roast dinner, were starving so you offered takeaway, they requested pizza then were given fried chicken

Your DH is an absolute arse. It must have been very apparent no one was going to have a cooked dinner much earlier than 6.30. Instead of letting his family sit starving hungry he should have got off his arse and either cooked or ordered for everyone. And to blame you for making his dad unwelcome was really out of order.

Oh my god. What totally selfish people. A 3 week old baby and they behaved like that. I would have just been grateful you felt up to visitors, never mind feeding them by whatever means. Your dh needs to get a grip and support his wife who is doing an amazing job with such a precious new little person.

I haven’t read all the replies, sorry.

But your DH’s family should not have expected you to cook full stop. They should have brought food to you.

Your DH is a wanker for behaving like he did.

The only unreasonable thing you did was offer to do a roast. And he was looking forward to it in this weather???
Your DP is an idiot and should have told you not to bother to cook - and not had a go at you..

He's an arse. Start training him to make dinner right now. Anything you do 10 times becomes a new habit (apparently). Get him to sort (not just make) dinner for the next 10 days. Tell him it's a 'daddy learning curve'. Good luck !