Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

364 replies

HuniThos · 24/07/2019 00:43

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

OP posts:
Sewrainbow · 24/07/2019 22:13

Dp and his dad are twats!

fedup21 · 24/07/2019 22:15

ok. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

That’s the only relevant part of your post, tbh.

What a twat. If your partner doesn’t have your back, you don’t stand a chance.

tinkerbellla · 24/07/2019 22:27

What a bunch of dicks. They should be cooking for you! Ugh cheek of it

billy1966 · 24/07/2019 23:25

OP, you have absolutely no business apologising to anyone for not cooking with a newborn.

They should be ashamed of themselves, not to mind that waster you live with.

He's shown you what he's like, listen as you have a very hard road in front of you.

Could you take yourself away to family for a couple of weeks for some proper looking after.

Osirus · 24/07/2019 23:41

I would have bought takeaway pizza, it might have settled things a bit.

DH and I had silly, irrational arguments when DD was first born. All the stress, unexpected emotions and a change of roles caused a few disagreements. You find your way in the end; it took us about 2 years to become accustomed to being parents.

You probably need a good, calm talk with your DH.

Smelborp · 24/07/2019 23:45

How fucking dare he expect you to wait on his family while he plays computer games. You’re the mother of a newborn and still recovering from the birth. He needs a strong word with himself because so far his attempts at being a decent husband and father are pathetic.

Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 24/07/2019 23:48

His behaviour makes me sick. I hope this is a one off op in his crappy judgement. Otherwise parenting with this waste of space is going to be a long slog!!

GrindelWaldPie · 25/07/2019 00:01

"DP wanted Indian and his dad and stepmum pizza so we let the teenager decide."

Did anybody ask what YOU fancied, OP? Especially seeing as you are the one who GAVE BIRTH to the lovely baby they all came to see.

It certainly doesn't seem so. Horrendous.

Elle2019 · 25/07/2019 00:44

Why the hell are you apologising to them?
Why send a text like that?

Also with regards to your husband he is the biggest culprit here yet you seem to excuse his behaviour time and time again after you’re first post.

Unfortunately if you don’t stand up for yourself with people like this you are in for a lifetime of misery and that’s on you.

Good luck.

BloodyDisgrace · 25/07/2019 10:30

You know what. If I had a 3 weeks old, I wouldn't want to see anyone who needs feeding. Pop in if you must, hang around for 20 min, and shove off - that's all I would master. Cut yourself some slack, and look after yourself and the baby. The rest can fuck off. They know where the shop and the oven are.

DeniseRoyal · 25/07/2019 17:34

Wtf did I just read?!?! They came to you, a new mother with a 3 WEEK OLD BABY and expected you to cook a full roast? At 6.30pm??? Fucking no way would I be inviting those fuckers back, and dh would be on the couch for the foreseeable. Outrageously selfish, the lot of them. Hope you are ok Flowers

Touchmybum · 25/07/2019 17:35

Who in their right mind would expect anyone to cook a roast dinner for them in this heat, never mind a woman who gave birth just 3 weeks ago?

Fuck the lot of them!!

and, hugs x

FieryBiscuits14 · 25/07/2019 17:37

They should be cooking for you.

TheCherries · 25/07/2019 17:37

Nip this behaviour in the bud immediately.

If you are not clear what his responsibilities are now (he clearly misunderstands them) then you will have two children to deal with not one.

Your DP is a grown man and you have a child together. Your job is not to entertain and cook while he slopes of to do gaming no matter how important the person is.

He needs to know that maternity leave exists for a reason you need to recover from the birth of your child and he needs to play a supporting role in this.

Your DP father sounds like a prick and i hazard a guess that is one of the reasons he split with your DP mother? Don’t allow your DP to become a prick also. Might be he has always been a prick and you have long term decisions to come to. But I am wondering if either of you have had the discussion about babies and responsibility and sharing of roles. His dressing down of you seems to suggest his idea of parent hood is set the dark ages.
Make it clear from the outset that these are joint responsibilities and actually his family he entertains and cooks at the very least.

Get yourself out of the 1950s mindset as well. It won’t do you any favours

busyhonestchildcarer · 25/07/2019 17:39

If he wanted to spend time with his sister they could have cooked together.If she is too young she would have kept him company

DeniseRoyal · 25/07/2019 17:40

Sorry to reiterate what others have said, but really, your husband is a cunt of the highest order. I could not, and would not, put up with being treated this way, in my own home, 3 weeks post partum. Absolutley awful

HouseworkAvoider10 · 25/07/2019 17:49

Prick.
Takes after his father too.

Glitter99x · 25/07/2019 17:50

YANBU. Your DP should of helped! He could of started the roast while you were settling baby, and then you both take it in turns. Not your fault baby couldn’t be settled and he wouldn’t help with roast meaning you had to get a takeaway. Maybe his dad should be annoyed at him and not you.

Yb23487643 · 25/07/2019 17:50

What a bunch of kn-bs! I’d be saving & planning for my exit strategy from that relationship for when baby older & more able to stand on you’re own feet.
They sound awful. DP should’ve cooked. Wnkr

Yb23487643 · 25/07/2019 17:51

Trust me it won’t get better & easier to leave when baby younger & not so attached to the other parent. Honestly start saving a little bit a week, you’ll be glad when u need it xx

LLR6 · 25/07/2019 17:54

No you’re completely in the right but I will say I think a lot of this nonsense goes on when you’re settling in to new family life. It certainly did for us. Try to forget about it, enjoy baby together and in years you’ll look back and laugh.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/07/2019 17:56

Your DP is a toss pot

lovealookabout · 25/07/2019 18:01

Your DP is a lazy tosspot who has hands, he was busy playing mario kart. If he used them to cook a roast then HIS dad would have had one. In no way does anyone have a right to expect a meal when visiting to be cooked when you have a NB, you fed them end of. Tell your DP to sort his priorities and if I’m honest if he doesn’t see the problem then he doesn’t have any respect for you.

Zoejj77 · 25/07/2019 18:01

They are unreasonable - you should have said you were looking forward to someone cooking you a roast jeez

NellieDavie · 25/07/2019 18:01

Seriously?! My DSD had a baby last year. They live about a 5 hour drive away, and every singe time we've visited we've taken something already prepared with us and also stopped at a supermarket on the way to stock up on food for the duration of our stay (and beyond, which is left behind for them). If they want to cook for us, then that's lovely (and every time they have it's her DH who cooks), but equally I know that mealtime timetables are out the window so much easier for me to have something ready to cobble together than expect to be fed. Do they think you're some sort of Stepford Wife or something?!