To make DD put the rest of her ice cream in the bin.

[IdaMay19]

DD is 11. This morning she has had two Magnum ice creams. I have just came in from the garden to find her sitting at the kitchen table, eating a third.

I was a bit annoyed, and told her that she shouldn't be eating the third ice cream as she had already had two that day, and she should think of leaving some for other people. I thought that perhaps DH didn't realise she'd had two earlier and was allowing her a treat, so asked if she had checked with DH if she could have the ice cream. She said yes. At that point DH wandered in and I said "you do realise that's her third Magnum today?" he said "I didn't know she was having it?"

DD then said "well I asked if I could have supper". I told her she was lying by omission, because supper has always, for almost a decade, been fruit or toast,as she knows well,and she knew that neither DH or I would have said yes to supper being the third Magnum of the day!

By this point I was annoyed that she'd been sneaky more than I was annoyed at the actual eating of the ice cream, so I made her put the rest of it in the bin. She's now stomped off in a huff.

AIBU? I know it's summer, but as well as the ice cream she's had fries and a Coke on our day out today, plus biscuits when we called to see a relative earlier, and that's on top of egg and toast for breakfast and a huge dinner. She's active and very slim, but that's a huge amount of sugar compared to our usual amount, so that was me relaxing for the summer!

OP, overall I think you did the right thing, because of the sneakiness and lying, ( it sounds like she knew there was a clear boundary she needed to ask before taking ice cream, when she doesn't before taking toast and fruit).

I was absolutely horrified to hear another poster saying they would give her another punishment for being a greedy pig though. Punishing/ shaming a child for being greedy is ab awful way to cause food issues...

When she is older she will likely eat all the junk you have restricted as a child.

Hardly restricted if she'd already had 2 of them already!!

You absolutely did the right thing. More for the sneakiness .

Were they full size magnums or mini ones. Can't fathom how anyone can eat 3 magnums. On the very rare occasion I have eaten them, I struggle to finish one.

3 is way too many for anyone! 1 is more than sufficient. I wouldn’t have made her throw it in the bin but she wouldn’t be getting anymore until the weekend at the earliest

Wow. I am pretty laid back but am genuinely a bit baffled by how many people here think a kid eating 3 magnums in one day is ok. (I'm also a fat knack with some real skills in the binge eating arena.)

When she is older she will likely eat all the junk you have restricted as a child

Great to see this MN chestnut being trotted our when she already had two full size ice creams.

YANBU op. Pure greed and it shouldn’t be tolerated.

When she is older she will likely eat all the junk you have restricted as a child

This is such a stupid argument!

'Feed them all the junk food now, so they don't eat it when they are older'

YANBU. It’s not being controlling. Being sneaky’s not acceptable and being greedy (ie taking huge amounts of food for yourself when it’s been purchased to be enjoyed by other people too) isn’t acceptable either.

Complete overreaction OP you're going to make food an issue for her.

YANBU

Being slim is not a get out clause to eat loads of junk, slim people need to eat healthily too, too much sugar, fat, additives is not good for anybody.

The lying/deception is also out of order as is what I would call "back chatting" with her trying to weasel out of the deception, and the lack of consideration for others.

I would have done the same AND I'd have said no ice cream tomorrow either.

Honestly she'd have been grounded for a day if she were my dd too. The one thing I've absolutely drummed into my dd is honesty and lies of omission still counted too. Instant one day grounded and arguing the toss over ANY discipline = double the dose. So with the backchat it would've been 2 days.

The deception and snotty attitude are what would have pissed me off most.

"4 x Magnum are £3.20 in Tesco, let's stop with the luxury item shall we?" lucky you not to consider that expensive and a luxury! Certainly is for me! And many others on tight budgets

@15yemenroad
"Also I'm surprised that for dinner she can only eat fruit and or toast?" Oh ffs AT LEAST READ OPS POSTS even if you're too lazy to rtft - supper is NOT dinner,
Op had made this VERY CLEAR before you put that post - op does exactly as I had as a kid and as I did with dd, a main meal early evening and a light healthy snack before bed - especially in adolescent years when calorie need is slightly higher. In addition many families opt to eat this way but the supper isn't necessarily more calories than those that don't, but that they eat fewer calories over the other 3 meals so total cals per day is roughly the same. We tended to have light breakfast and lunch, hot meal but not huge for dinner and light supper.

Also some people need to eat "little and often" which is what my dd has to do due to her disability, she can't cope with big meals at all so has 4 pretty small meals per day and 2 snacks. At one point I was on medication that had to be taken with food, several different kinds that had to be taken different times of day so I had to adjust to cover that and that meant 4 small meals and a snack.

It's not "weird" at all - it could only seem weird to someone too narrow minded to consider not everyone lives their lives the same way they do! But then I'm tempted to think you don't really believe that and are just being goady too!

"We don't eat at 6pm anyway, no one is home that early, or rarely."
Because come on! You KNOW that's not true for everyone. We used to get tea/dinner bang on 5.30pm every night. One of the reasons was that sometimes mum would take jobs working eves/nights, dads a hopeless cook and so this way dinner was done and dusted in time for mum to get ready for work. I'll bet there's loads of families where that's the case these days too.

Do you even have kids this age yet? The child ALREADY knows it's wrong - it's why she lied! It's not just the having something to eat that she knew she wasn't supposed to, it's the deception employed in doing so and the attitude when caught out too! If that is all you would do in this situation then don't be surprised if your kids take little notice of you and pretty much do as they like. That would be a woefully inadequate response to what happened.

"I don't care for 'punishment' parenting anyway: it's usually petty, inadequate people who like to impose punishments" oh boy! In my experience not only as a parent but the eldest of 3 siblings, umpteen cousins and having been responsible for lots of other people's children over the years, the parents who think like you and parent accordingly tend to have poorly behaved children, but won't accept being told so! Their kids pay neither them nor teachers etc any heed and think they can do as they like! Kids need boundaries, discipline and clear consequences to learn what is and isn't expected and acceptable behaviour. To do any less is irresponsible and actually does your kids no favours - because THE WORLD has boundaries, discipline and clear consequences, people cannot simply behave however they like and leaving it until adulthood for them to really learn this makes life incredibly difficult for them and those around them.

"I know I'd rather meet a child who has been parented by their parents, than one who has been allowed to do as they please" exactly!

"but at some point there is a hard boundary as back stop. I think it's part of our responsibility as parents" precisely

you're going to make food an issue for her.

A carte blanche to eat 3 magnums in a day will do infinitely more to make food an ‘issue’.

No wonder we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic if people think eating 3 magnums a day is either normal or acceptable behaviour.

She needs to learn to ask first before helping herself to sweet treats. Make it a rule in your house. My kids know they can help themselves to most food but they will ask before helping themselves to any sweet stuff like biscuits and ice cream.

it could only seem weird to someone too narrow minded to consider not everyone lives their lives the same way they do! But then I'm tempted to think you don't really believe that and are just being goady too!

oh the irony

That would piss me off too. It's greedy and unfair on others in the house who will have to have less treats because of one person's greed.

How is it ironic? I understand that the poster concerned and many others don't have supper but "3 squares" and that different parents have different rules but that poster quite clearly stated that having supper, eating dinner at X time etc was "weird" (their word) when it very clearly isn't at all weird as a good many families do just this.

@Graphista You okay there, hun?

could only seem weird to someone too narrow minded to consider not everyone lives their lives the same way they do! But then I'm tempted to think you don't really believe that and are just being goady too!

Are you capable of seeing the irony there? But thank you, that was hilarious.

Also, I posted before I saw OP's updates, is this something you are able to comprehend or is it too much?

Goodness, take several seats you seem too worked up and I did not ask for your life story either.

I can't believe anyone thinks you're unreasonable! No-one, child or adult, slim or obese, should be eating three Magnums in a day. That's a ridiculous amount of sugar and fat, especially for an 11 year old child!

Totally this!

Also she lied and was sneaky, she knew she shouldn’t be having it.

but that poster quite clearly stated that having supper, eating dinner at X time etc was "weird" (their word) when it very clearly isn't at all weird as a good many families do just this.

@Graphista, you mentioned me in your original life story post, not once did I state anything was weird. So perhaps it is YOU that needs to read the full thread properly before you @ others and share your life story with them.

Pretty sure the weird comment was about the need to snack 2 hours after finishing dinner.

Yes, of course, medical condition excepted, as ever...

At 2100 op posted

"Dinner tonight was asparagus pie with chicken and avocado salad and sweet potato cubes"

At 2104 you posted

"Also I'm surprised that for dinner she can only eat fruit and or toast?"

Had you not refreshed before posting?

Plus most people understand that supper and dinner are not the same thing.

If I have confused posters over the "weird" comment I apologise, it was thentherewascakes said this, but I stand by it being narrow minded to think everyone has the same meal pattern and times of eating as other families.

Complete overreaction OP you're going to make food an issue for her.

3 magnums a day suggests it already is.

I don't know. I'd be loathe to waste food, but on the other hand, it's not really any better in her stomach than the bin. I always think, I am not a human waste bin. Just because I've opened something, I don't necessarily finish it, & the same goes for DD. We have a house rule - sweets, juice, fizzy pop, biscuits, ice cream etc - are not proper food, they are not acceptable substitutes for meals, they are treats. They are only allowed after we've eaten our proper food, or occasionally when feeling ill & really struggling to eat anything at all.

I think, on balance, YANBU, because of the sneakiness /lying by omission. She knew it was wrong, or she'd have asked outright. Quite aside from the greediness.

I am really surprised to read most of the responses about "teaching her about the consequences and instilling healthy eating habits by throwing food away". She is 11, for God's sake. Presumably an intelligent girl. In our house, it would have been sufficient to say that it's not on to eat all the ice creams when there are other members of the family. And that it's not healthy at all. They will have covered all the info about sugar, fat, food portions etc at school. At 11 she is very likely aware that 3 Magnums is too many, she just wanted them.

So it would have been enough to point out that she was wrong to be sneaky and that it's way too much sweets. No need for all the theatrics in order to "teach her". She is not a dog which needs to be trained, she is an (old enough) human being with intellect.