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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD put the rest of her ice cream in the bin.

315 replies

IdaMay19 · 22/07/2019 19:58

DD is 11. This morning she has had two Magnum ice creams. I have just came in from the garden to find her sitting at the kitchen table, eating a third.

I was a bit annoyed, and told her that she shouldn't be eating the third ice cream as she had already had two that day, and she should think of leaving some for other people. I thought that perhaps DH didn't realise she'd had two earlier and was allowing her a treat, so asked if she had checked with DH if she could have the ice cream. She said yes. At that point DH wandered in and I said "you do realise that's her third Magnum today?" he said "I didn't know she was having it?"

DD then said "well I asked if I could have supper". I told her she was lying by omission, because supper has always, for almost a decade, been fruit or toast,as she knows well,and she knew that neither DH or I would have said yes to supper being the third Magnum of the day!

By this point I was annoyed that she'd been sneaky more than I was annoyed at the actual eating of the ice cream, so I made her put the rest of it in the bin. She's now stomped off in a huff.

AIBU? I know it's summer, but as well as the ice cream she's had fries and a Coke on our day out today, plus biscuits when we called to see a relative earlier, and that's on top of egg and toast for breakfast and a huge dinner. She's active and very slim, but that's a huge amount of sugar compared to our usual amount, so that was me relaxing for the summer!

OP posts:
FishCanFly · 22/07/2019 22:18

YABU and very controling.
If you're so worried that she has too much treats, don't have them in the house. Just buy a portion once a week or whatever

22WR · 22/07/2019 22:20

I've done similar to my daughter (13) when she's done the same with snacks. Purposely being sneaky about eating more than she knew she'd be allowed to.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 22/07/2019 22:21

i was terribly envious of my Northern cousins who got supper...toast or a small sandwich or maybe even a biscuit
and they had sandwich spread, or those teeny tiny tins of stuff to go on toast....toast toppers!

it was a whole other world when we went to visit!

My mother thought herself too grand to get involved with supper, or cups of tea on the table at meal times .

Bloodybridget · 22/07/2019 22:22

Three large icecreams in one day is far too much. Greedy and sneaky for lying.

thedayofthethreeMagnums · 22/07/2019 22:25

"toast topper"? that's brilliant, never heard of those!

To make DD put the rest of her ice cream in the bin.
SpinsterOfArts · 22/07/2019 22:26

Eating three Magnums in a day is excessive.
Making someone throw away a half-eaten Magnum because they shouldn't have eaten that many just seems spiteful and wasteful to me though. I'd have said that since she ate more than her fair share she couldn't have any out of the next packet.

SuzieQ10 · 22/07/2019 22:26

That is a lot of sugar, I'd have binned it too - even without the fibbing. YANBU.

Justaboy · 22/07/2019 22:27

Luvverly them Magnums, sling a box this way please:)

ohGoshItsSummer · 22/07/2019 22:30

Well if supper is fruit 🤭

ReanimatedSGB · 22/07/2019 22:30

Also, OP, do you have clear rules about whether your DC need to ask before they get themselves anything to eat? If not, maybe you should think about that, and make sure you can explain and justify them. I don't care for 'punishment' parenting anyway: it's usually petty, inadequate people who like to impose punishments, but when you are not consistent, don't have clear rules and then all of a sudden you are tantrumming and trying to cause distress to your DC as a way of 'teaching' them, the lesson they actually learn is that adults are arbitrarily spiteful.

Sorrywhat · 22/07/2019 22:31

I’ve not read all 8 pages. Just a one off comment based on the first page from OP.

I think the way you handled it was terrible. You should be thinking of how to educate her positively rather than telling her no. When she is older she will likely eat all the junk you have restricted as a child. You can’t say anything then.

I would think that if you consistently discuss what is healthy and what is not then she would have a better understanding for when she is older. By telling her no and restricting her you are just encouraging her to want them more. She was sneaky for a reason! She wanted an ice cream without the lecture.
Perhaps in future explain why 3 magnums in a day is probably not the best idea and discuss all concerns such as health as well as consideration for others.

You are far too strict and the work you think you are putting in now will have a positive result in the end may just backfire.

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/07/2019 22:37

YABU and very controling.
If you're so worried that she has too much treats, don't have them in the house. Just buy a portion once a week or whatever

You do realise that one persons's controlling is another person's parenting! I know I'd rather meet a child who has been parented by their parents, than one who has been allowed to do as they please. At 11 they need a lot of 'controling', it's how they learn!!

As for buying a portion a week, well a pack of magnums may well be one portion for everyone in the house, but the OPs DD didn't care about that. I doubt there was a freezer full of magnums, especially as the OP stated that GPs had bought them!!

taylorowmu · 22/07/2019 22:38

YABU and very controling.

If you're so worried that she has too much treats, don't have them in the house.

Oh the irony..

SamanthaJayne4 · 22/07/2019 22:39

I once ate 3 watery ice lollies one summer's day when I was a young child. I got a terrible stomach ache and had to go to stay in hospital for observation. It calmed down and I went home. I always assumed it was too much icy food being consumed. I have a very sweet tooth but could not eat 3 Magnus!

SamanthaJayne4 · 22/07/2019 22:40

Magnums!

GrapefruitGin · 22/07/2019 22:40

If you're so worried that she has too much treats, don't have them in the house. Just buy a portion once a week or whatever

This is ridiculous. She shouldn’t have to limit what she buys for a family because of a greedy 11 year old who should know better!
YANBU OP, no one needs to eat that much in a day!

73Sunglasslover · 22/07/2019 22:42

She doesn't have a binge eating disorder, bloody hell.

Good! I didn't mean that comment facetiously. The times when I have eaten like (and more) has been related to some eating issues. It's not normal to eat that much in one day and by 11 I expect she knows that. I'm not saying it was, just wanted to make sure it was considered given just how extreme I think it is to eat 3 large ice-creams in one day when most people would think 3 a month of something that size is probably more than enough.

IHeartKingThistle · 22/07/2019 22:44

My DD is 12 and I have done exactly the same thing. That's a huge amount of sugar.

CrackOn · 22/07/2019 22:46

It's not normal to eat that much in one day and by 11 I expect she knows that. I'm not saying it was, just wanted to make sure it was considered given just how extreme I think it is to eat 3 large ice-creams in one day

It's not that extreme. I'll do it now and again on holiday, my BMI is bang on ideal and I'm nearly 30. Bit of a mountain out of a molehill, if you ask me.

thirdfiddle · 22/07/2019 22:50

It's wasted if it's thrown away, it's wasted and actively damaging (directly and through reinforcing binge eating habits) if it goes into a child who has absolutely no need for more sugar or fat for the day.

YANBU, she knew perfectly well she shouldn't and she tested the boundary. Teens still need boundaries, 11yr olds certainly do. We have had similar incidents of sneaky turning lights on after already very late bedtime and surreptitious screen time after being told to stop. We give them a lot of freedom to make sensible choices but at some point there is a hard boundary as back stop. I think it's part of our responsibility as parents. Three magnums is definitely in back stop territory for me.

LottieLucie · 22/07/2019 22:51

That's really greedy of your child. I think you're right to step in here.

kateandme · 22/07/2019 22:54

3 magnums today wont catch up with her in the future of your are continuing to teach her good food values.this denying one day of pure "treat" foods is more likely to cause something becasue everyone can have these days but when its not made an issue of every other day is back to normal.where as now youve made hr think about it.
id maybe have just had the conversation of knowing this has been a fun day out but to remember that this shouldnt be happening as part of a balance.
but it depends on what your daughter is like.at 11 saying this to mine would have added to the huge complex they had over their looks and weight at that age.if i hadnt mentioned it they would have balanced out themselves knowing the next day their diet would have been back to normal.

Bringonspring · 22/07/2019 22:55

Totally would have done the same. I can’t believe people think you’re over reacting and it’s fine for her to eat 3!!!!

Whisky2014 · 22/07/2019 22:58

Yanbu. That was just pure greed on her part

romeoonthebalcony · 22/07/2019 23:06

do her and all of yourselves a favour and don't buy them. They have been through so much testing and processing to make them appeal to our exact taste cravings. They are full of stuff that is very bad for the gut.
Not simply sugar in them but glucose-fructose syrup and a shed load of E number emulsifiers that are put into ice creams today to hold them together and stop them melting easily. Highly processed ice creams are one of the nastier foods for your health. Why not get a little ice cream maker and play around with making your own? It's hard to get an icecream without all this rubbish in it these days. Haagen Dazs are better at least if you're going to buy in the shop and are not allergic to egg.