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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she keeps dumping clothes on me?

284 replies

LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 17:11

A lady I know asked me a while ago what size my kids were in as she had some clothes that were too small and wanted to give them to me. My kids already have too much so I said no thankyou, but she insisted.

Today I have come home from work to find 6 bags of clothes in varying ages by my door. The majority are stained, have holes in, faded and smell damp. I literally could have cried when I got home. The local skip in our area is only open 1 day per week and its closed by the time I get home from work. I cant give it to charity, its not fit for anyone to wear.

I feel ungrateful but why the hell would anyone give someone clothes in that state? I dont know what to do with it all! AIBU?

OP posts:
GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 23/07/2019 13:49

Just drop them back on her door step

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/07/2019 14:22

Some people take being environmentally conscious to a new level and literally cannot cope with throwing things away even when they are no longer fit for purpose & charity shops won't accept them. So they determinedly try to palm them off to others to ease their own consciences. Take them back to her. You do not need to dispose of her rubbish for her.

Sagradafamiliar · 23/07/2019 14:29

It's even more insulting if you are in a dire situation, no one has to 'look the part' gee whizz. She thinks you're poor so should dress the kids up like Oliver Twist and the artful dodger.
Really offensive of her actually.

thepartysover · 23/07/2019 14:38

@CoraPirbright has it spot on.

Puzzled as to why anyone is suggesting charity donations. It's not the OP's problem. She said no, TWICE, and has still been lumbered with it all. Incredible.

Weebitawks · 23/07/2019 14:44

Omg. I don't think you have to worry about being rude to her as she clearly doesn't care.

Just say "if you can't pick them up I can drop them off. Really, it's fine"

mussolini9 · 23/07/2019 15:35

I have kindly said in the past no need but she just brings a bag every time we see her and gets offended if we say no.

FFS. How very DARE you get in the way of her Lady Bountiful act by not being needy & grateful?!

CallmeAngelina · 23/07/2019 17:10

This is turning into "cancel the cheque."

taylorowmu · 23/07/2019 17:19

without actually seeing how bad the clothes are it's hard to judge if she is a CF.

It doesn't matter if they are brand new! OP said NO.

Imawomanontheedge · 23/07/2019 17:34

I’d take them back to her house . You need to just tell her (again) the clothes are not needed but thank her for being so generous and that maybe a charity could make better use. That is what I’d do .

But in my head I’d be taking them back and telling her to keep her f***g clothes with stains and holes because I’d rather dress my son in better clothes than the shite you bring round, but that would be what I was thinking.

Imawomanontheedge · 23/07/2019 17:39

HeadintheiClouds

Ah, you can’t really give them back, can you? You don’t have to keep them, but shoving them back at her would be hurtful.

OMG I’m sure it’s hurtful for OP to come home to bags of clothes outside her house and clothes that she has said she doesn’t need or want .

torthecatlady · 23/07/2019 17:46

My next door neighbour does this as she has two grandchildren who are slightly older than my stepson, but it's a different situation where the clothes are almost perfect and usually from next or Debenhams. We're happy to take what we want and donate the others as either rags or to be sold by the charity shop as she doesn't drive so would put them in the dustbin otherwise.

It started by her offering us a pair of jeans and saying something like "if you're offended please tell me". Even now, she says "oh I don't know if these are any good. Please throw them out if they're not ok".

We buy a lot second hand anyway and the clothes will come in useful for growth spurts or messing about in the garden. But she's given us so much over the years, even some garden furniture, a rocking chair and some bits for myself which no longer fit her (she's quite a fashionable for her age!)

It's quite strange that your friend won't take no for an answer. Perhaps she thinks you're just being polite by saying you don't want them? She must think she's doing a nice thing, I can't see why she would continue to do it otherwise.

If I were in your situation, I would just accept the clothes and then dispose of them myself. But only so as not to cause any offence.

SagAloojah · 23/07/2019 17:56

it started by her offering us a pair of jeans and saying something like "if you're offended please tell me". Even now, she says "oh I don't know if these are any good. Please throw them out if they're not ok".

She sounds very sweet and I can neither if you want the other. But OP’s acquaintance doesn’t sound very sweet.

Whosorrynow · 23/07/2019 18:14

if she did that to me I'd ram the dirty sweaty rags down her fucking throat (metaphorically:) )

AcrossthePond55 · 23/07/2019 18:16

I'd do a stealth run and drop them on her doorstep at midnight!

Leeds2 · 23/07/2019 18:23

I think you need to return them to her to prevent further donations in the future.
And, given the patronising tone of her text, I would probably be distancing myself from her, at least in the immediate future.

Beautiful3 · 23/07/2019 18:28

Most supermarkets have a clothing bin that sends them to third works countries. Or put them on her doorstep at night time. Post a note to say thanks but I do not need these clothes, please give them to someone that needs them.

Lemonlady22 · 23/07/2019 18:35

even Cash for Clothes have got picky and wont take damaged or stained clothes....they go thru it all....how embarrassing for you it will be as they put everything back in the bags for you to take away with you and its not even your stuff Blush

browneyes77 · 23/07/2019 18:37

“I am sorry but I have no idea what you mean by my “situation”? Perhaps you have mixed me up with some one else. Thanks for thinking of us but as I told you when you first asked, I am swamped with clothes & desperately need to clear out my own outgrown & stained stuff so really don’t have the capacity to deal with someone else’s. When are you next passing? I will leave the bags out for you to collect”

This. This is what I would send her.

Except I’d change the leaving them out for her to collect part to “when I’m next passing I’ll pop them back to you”. Then just dump them back on her doorstep.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/07/2019 18:40

You didn’t take them back to her, did you OP?

Catsandchardonnay · 23/07/2019 18:41

Stealth dump back on her.

Jellybeansincognito · 23/07/2019 18:43

Drive them straight back to her, put them down on her doorstep so it’s not awkward if she doesn’t accept them out of your hands (she has no choice if you put them down) and say thank you but I have far too many clothes already, I don’t have the time to go through and sort these for charity unfortunately. I thought you might have other sources to give them to. Thanks again, I have to go now.

IAmTheMumWhoKnocks · 23/07/2019 18:51

Place marking. This woman sounds crazy!

regmover · 23/07/2019 18:55

Nope. You said no thank you. A little note attached to one of the bags. "I don't know what you think my situation is, but I told you that I didn't want these. I am quite offended that you dumped clothing on me that is in such a poor condition and assume it was easier than going to the tip". Then dump them back. I don't know why people think this was an act of kindness. It was convenience.

GChild · 23/07/2019 18:57

Charity shops take tatty clothes and can sell them for "Rag", I'd give them all to the shop.

iheartroycropper · 23/07/2019 19:04

I'm really not good with confrontation or things like this
This is what I don’t understand on mn, why does saying no/standing up for yourself automatically seen as confrontation.
You can have a robust discussion/assert yourself,it doesn’t have to be a confrontation