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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she keeps dumping clothes on me?

284 replies

LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 17:11

A lady I know asked me a while ago what size my kids were in as she had some clothes that were too small and wanted to give them to me. My kids already have too much so I said no thankyou, but she insisted.

Today I have come home from work to find 6 bags of clothes in varying ages by my door. The majority are stained, have holes in, faded and smell damp. I literally could have cried when I got home. The local skip in our area is only open 1 day per week and its closed by the time I get home from work. I cant give it to charity, its not fit for anyone to wear.

I feel ungrateful but why the hell would anyone give someone clothes in that state? I dont know what to do with it all! AIBU?

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 22/07/2019 17:25

Why didn't my score through work??!!

SallyWD · 22/07/2019 17:26

I'm also very unassertive and avoid confrontation at all costs BUT even I would take them back to her. I'd say in a very friendly way "Thanks so much for the clothes but most of them are too small. To be honest we're drowning in clothes as it is. I couldn't bear the thought of them going to waste so I thought I'd return them and you can give them to someone else.". I'd say it such a friendly way she'd never guess I was fed up. If she did it again I'd repeat until she got the message.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/07/2019 17:26

Just drop them back on her doorstep. No needs to worry about offending her because a isn't nice.

CallmeAngelina · 22/07/2019 17:29

Why do people think it's OK to say, "Just take them to a charity shop if you don't want them." Isn't that tantamount to saying, "I can't be arsed to go to the charity shop so I thought I'd get you to do it for me?"

kaldefotter · 22/07/2019 17:31

You don’t need to confront her. Just leave them on her doorstep.

Come on, OP, don’t be a doormat. You deserve better.

themouldneverbotheredmeanyway · 22/07/2019 17:32

Unless you return them, she will give you more in future.

If you can't get courage to speak about it, leave on doorstep when she is out and text "hi, we don't need any kids clothes so I've put them on your doorstep so you can decide what to do with them"

CalmdownJanet · 22/07/2019 17:35

Does she live nearby? You don't need yo be confrontational, a simple "Hi Jane, I got the clothes, I know you are trying to be kind but I said no because I have plenty and no storage. I'm passing this evening so I will drop them back, better they go to a home who needs them, it would be a shame to see them be wasted"

AlwaysCheddar · 22/07/2019 17:36

You can give them to charity shops as they recycle crap clothing.

CalmdownJanet · 22/07/2019 17:36

Also if you don't do this noe she will be dumping shit on you for years, next you know it will be battered toys, act now!

namechangeninjaevervigilant · 22/07/2019 17:36

I agree you should return them. Leave them on her doorstep on your way to work tomorrow and text saying what @greenwaterbottle said.

JonSlow · 22/07/2019 17:37

Take them back “you must have been confused. I said no to these, so I guess you meant to deliver them to someone else’s house and got mixed up. I’ve brought them back to save the embarrassment when someone else is expecting them”

Chamomileteaplease · 22/07/2019 17:37

Definitely give them back.

Shootingstar1115 · 22/07/2019 17:37

So rude on her part. Surely she knew they weren’t in the best condition? It’s like she is getting you to get rid for her.

Similar kinda thing with my ex. I split with him when DS was tiny and DS is 8 now. One day the ex came over with bin bags full of clothes. I asked who’s they were (I’d never seen them before) and apparently it’s clothes he’s bought for Ds over the years. It was all in new condition (he barely spends anytime with him and DS has always left his house wearing his own clothes and no reason to change there) but it all stank musty and damp and a lot of it was 1-2 years. I asked him what I would want with a load of old clothes. Apparently I would want some smelly clothes I’ve never seen before 🤷‍♀️ He then told me to take it charity basically expecting me to get rid of his old stuff. Infuriating. I had to loads it all up in my car and drive 12 miles away to the closest tip and some to the charity shop just to get rid.

Shootingstar1115 · 22/07/2019 17:38

Also, take them back to her. Tell her you don’t need them.

SunshineCake · 22/07/2019 17:38

It's time you got good with confrontation but there's no need too. Dump them on her doorstep with a note saying you told her you didn't want the clothes and not to discard any more on your step.

ImMeantToBeWorking · 22/07/2019 17:38

I would be uncomfortable bringing them back too personally as I also hate confrontation.

Ring your local charity shops and see do they sell clothes by weight. For instance when I go to my charity shop I have the bags with clothes suitable to sell, and the ones that aren't and I tell them which is which. My local charity shop gets €6 per kilo for clothes that are then made into rags.

JemSynergy · 22/07/2019 17:38

I'd also take them back because otherwise this will be a never ending cycle.

Giraffey1 · 22/07/2019 17:39

Just take them back and leave them on her doorstep. You don’t need to say anything. If she raises the matter just say that you’d already told her you didn’t want them and don’t understand why she dumped them on your doorstep!

Most charity shops will accept items like this as rags for recycling. If you want to do this then just tie a label to the bags so the staff know not to sort through.

SunshineCake · 22/07/2019 17:40

Shootingstar, you didn't have too. You should have given them back to him.

helpmeiamatoad · 22/07/2019 17:43

Don’t even waste petrol returning them, tell her to come and collect them! She clearly cba waiting for the tip to be open and assumed you wouldn’t be brave enough to reject them!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/07/2019 17:43

Normally i wouldn't confront... But in thsi situation I would....
With a cheery... 'as I said, we don't need anything thanks'
As you'll be continuing to have this problem... As you can 'just' sort and take the rest to charity... I had this problem once... It carried on for ages... As I just wasn't direct enough... This too was wrong size/stained etc etc...

It's just a way of them feeling good... I've just been soooo generous I've given DA 6 bags of clothes', and it gets rid of their rubbish

Willow2017 · 22/07/2019 17:46

She is using you to geet rid of unwanted tat.
She cant be bothered to take them to the skip herself so dumping them on you.

Take them and dump them on her doorstep. No point trying not to 'offend' her, she doesnt care if she is giving you tatty, stained, too small clothes.
If you dont this will go on forever and she will be bragging about how she helps you out so much with clothes for your kids.

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 22/07/2019 17:50

You need to start getting good at dealing with this , otherwise you will end up trying to manage all her offloaded tat.

Poppi89 · 22/07/2019 17:50

If you don't want to confront this time I would just dispose of them (h&m takes clothes in any condition for £5 voucher) and say to her e.g Just a reminder thank you for the clothes but I don't have room for any more and if she does drop any more around then go and put them outside her door with a note saying just a reminder that I do not need any more clothes.

She may be just being friendly, kids clothes can be expensive so she is trying to help you out and thinking you were just being polite by saying no or she doesn't want to throw them out her self lazy/hoarder so she's getting you to do it ( I know someone who has hoarding tendencies do this)

HopelessLayout · 22/07/2019 17:52

Report her for fly tipping!