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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she keeps dumping clothes on me?

284 replies

LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 17:11

A lady I know asked me a while ago what size my kids were in as she had some clothes that were too small and wanted to give them to me. My kids already have too much so I said no thankyou, but she insisted.

Today I have come home from work to find 6 bags of clothes in varying ages by my door. The majority are stained, have holes in, faded and smell damp. I literally could have cried when I got home. The local skip in our area is only open 1 day per week and its closed by the time I get home from work. I cant give it to charity, its not fit for anyone to wear.

I feel ungrateful but why the hell would anyone give someone clothes in that state? I dont know what to do with it all! AIBU?

OP posts:
louella999 · 22/07/2019 22:12

I'd hate this! Definitely drop them off on her doorstep

Missangrypants · 22/07/2019 22:13

Yet another OP that has asked for advice, gets it then ignores it!

Either get a backbone or continue to be other people's doormat.

She asked, you said no, and she still gave you her castoffs. Sorry, she didn't give them to you, she flytipped them on your doorstep, 7 miles from where she lives! And your response to her, do you mind awfully taking them back.

As others said you gave her the option to say no I won't. WHY?

So text her saying it's all going to the tip when you get the chance. You never know it might be enough for her to make the trip to rescue her tat.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/07/2019 22:16

Cheeky cow!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/07/2019 22:18

punktinker that sounds as if OP had a lot of own mouldy old clothes Grin

PocaNinja · 22/07/2019 22:21

Ask her what situation she is referring to?! She sounds bonkers anyone else would feel mortified after reading your text and getting the wrong end of the stick

Willow2017 · 22/07/2019 23:07

Maybe she genuinely thought you could make use of them.

Yep because op has lots of uses for 6 bags of stained, holey, mouldy clothes!!

WTF?

Grumpelstilskin · 22/07/2019 23:14

Drop them back and tell her that your kids do not wear stained rags. WTF!

scatteredglitter · 22/07/2019 23:22

FGS just drop them back on her doorstep and either tell her or text her - am sorted for clothes and really don't need any. Make up a cousin who has kids a year older who already gives you lots of you need but I would simply be firm and say don't need them thought you would like to pass them to someone else who might appreciate them. Please don't send any more as we have lots coming our way from my cousin .

OooErMissus · 22/07/2019 23:36

Drop them back and afterwards (a long time afterwards) text her to say:

I've dropped your clothes back - I have no need for them, and no ability to dispose of them, so will leave this to you to do. We have no need for any clothes, so please don't drop any more off. Thanks.

End with the 'thanks' only if you want to.

This is a perfectly polite message than she cannot take umbrage to. The 'thanks' refers to her not dropping more off, not for the bag of shite she left on your doorstep.

Reallywanttomovenow · 23/07/2019 01:02

woah- some charity shops get most of their money from rags! don't separate the crap ones.

yolofish · 23/07/2019 01:20

I'm kind of on the fence with this one. Some people's mouldy/old/dingy are other people's ideal mucking about clothes. And sizes are weird, so something that fits one person's 7 year old won't fit another's.

So whenever I used to recycle clothes to people or them to me, it was always with the proviso keep what you want/the kid likes, pass the rest on or get rid. Obviously I got rid of anything too rancid etc, but sometimes kids love what they've seen their older cousin/friend wearing.

HeadintheiClouds · 23/07/2019 01:22

Ah, you can’t really give them back, can you? You don’t have to keep them, but shoving them back at her would be hurtful.

AllyBamma · 23/07/2019 02:08

OP, she’s dumping her literal rubbish on your doorstep under the guise of ‘helping’ because she knows she can get away with it. You can either:
a) take the advice you asked for, return the clothes with a ‘no thank you’ and I bet she’ll never do it again. Or,
b) continue to accept her rubbish on this occasion and all the others to follow because you won’t speak up for yourself.

OooErMissus · 23/07/2019 02:21

Ah, you can’t really give them back, can you? You don’t have to keep them, but shoving them back at her would be hurtful.

And dumping them on the OP (who said she didn't want them before they arrived) because she 'knows the OP's situation' isn't hurtful....?

WhyTho · 23/07/2019 02:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starrynights86 · 23/07/2019 02:55

Our old landlord did that to us, asked if we wanted any hand me downs then gave us a whole bunch of stuff that went straight in the rubbish as it was rubbish. It was quite bizarre really.

OneHanded · 23/07/2019 03:26

No need to confront her OP just dump them back on her doorstep without ringing like she did you Grin

Time40 · 23/07/2019 03:39

Put them back on her doorstep, OP.

Charity shops want only clean rags - damp and dirty things are no use to them, even as rags.

Yeahnahmum · 23/07/2019 03:43

Do what all pp said op
What a cf dumping all this crap on your doorstep

TwistyTop · 23/07/2019 04:11

My reply would be "thanks for thinking of me but we really don't need them. I'll drop them round in the morning on my way to work". For the love of God do not say "is it ok if I bring them back?" Or "shall I bring them back" or any of that. Tell her that you ARE bringing them back.

Then that's it. No more messages. If she says not to bring them back just ignore the message and dump them on her doorstep tomorrow. Don't knock on and speak to her about it.

This would not be in the slightest bit rude, you are taking your cues from her. Don't be a wuss about this or you will have a very annoying problem on your hands where she constantly dumps stuff on you. Then you will end up in a situation where you do have to make yourself very uncomfortable by being openly rude to her in order to stop the cycle. Trust me, it's much easier for you to deal with it now if you are afraid of being direct/confrontational. Don't let it get that far.

cheeseorchickentwisties · 23/07/2019 05:07

Fucking hell that's insulting. 'Your situation'!!!
Even if you were struggling for money, no means no. I wouldn't even bother texting back, I'd just dump them on her doorstep and keep my distance in future.

Happynow001 · 23/07/2019 06:48

OP glad to hear you are going to drop the bags back to her on the way to work. If you don't nip this in the bud now you'd be open to more unwanted and unneeded offers if "help"! Stand firm!

Gruzinkerbell1 · 23/07/2019 06:53

Return them. Leave them on her doorstep and send a final text saying “Thank you for the kind thought but my children really have quite enough clothes. I have returned them so that you can donate them to someone who really needs them. It’s very thoughtful of you.”

I had to nip a similar situation. Be polite but firm. It’s the only way. Otherwise expect another 6 bags of rubbish on your doorstep a few months down the line.

SagAloojah · 23/07/2019 06:58

At first I thought she dropped the clothes out of laziness or guilt but her reply about your situation makes me think she feels superior to you.

So yes, take them back and text afterwards with one of the suggested texts above.

SallyWD · 23/07/2019 08:19

I was all for having a softly /softly approach but her response about "your situation" has blown my mind! Just take them back now. She'll keep doing it otherwise. She obviously thinks you're in dire need and secretly want her old rags!