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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she keeps dumping clothes on me?

284 replies

LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 17:11

A lady I know asked me a while ago what size my kids were in as she had some clothes that were too small and wanted to give them to me. My kids already have too much so I said no thankyou, but she insisted.

Today I have come home from work to find 6 bags of clothes in varying ages by my door. The majority are stained, have holes in, faded and smell damp. I literally could have cried when I got home. The local skip in our area is only open 1 day per week and its closed by the time I get home from work. I cant give it to charity, its not fit for anyone to wear.

I feel ungrateful but why the hell would anyone give someone clothes in that state? I dont know what to do with it all! AIBU?

OP posts:
ThisHereMamaBear · 22/07/2019 19:19

I cant imagine she'd be giving them to you to avoid going to the tip. Maybe she forgot to take out some of the really old ones.

Notcopingwellhere · 22/07/2019 19:20

And yes, I do get that you said no when she asked, but the British are notorious for being polite and not saying what they mean so perhaps she thought you were just being very British about it all. A bit silly maybe, but possible.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2019 19:23

maybe she has anxiety

Oh for the love of god, what?!

Maybe the OP “has anxiety” which will be aggravated by some random dumping crap on her doorstep when she’s already said she doesn’t want it.

Always one isn’t there...

CallmeAngelina · 22/07/2019 19:26

You shouldn't have asked her would she like them back. That gives her the opportunity to say, "no, give them to charity." What you should have said is, "so I will drop them back to you, unless you would like to pick them up again."

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 19:26

maybe she does - always one am I? Well happy to give people the benefit of the doubt. Hoarding is a real symptom of a mental illness - 6 bags is a lot of clothes to have knocking about. It just isn't much skin off my nose to rag recycle stuff for the sake of engaging in some meanness.

I also think that British people are hard to read and often say no when they really mean yes.

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 19:28

I should add I don't foist things on reluctant neighbours, huge number of charity shops near me.

Atalune · 22/07/2019 19:29

take them back

You shouldn’t have asked her in the text, tell her. I’m on my over and I’ll over them on the step for you xxx

sackrifice · 22/07/2019 19:30

Go take them back now before you accept them and they are considered yours.

You are not her rubbish tip.

QueenBeee · 22/07/2019 19:30

If you don't dump them on her doorstep she will bring you more and I have no sympathy for you as you have been told several times what to do.

Pippin2028 · 22/07/2019 19:31

Give them back, when people give you decent things because they no longer need them and you can use them, they are being decent, when people give you their old crap that is no use to anyone, they are insulting you and taking the piss. Give the clothes back to her and tell her it was unnecessary as your kids have enough clothes and you cannot accept. Its a difficult suitation but you need to put your foot down.

IWantMyHatBack · 22/07/2019 19:31

Please just take them back and dump on her doorstep

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2019 19:31

Hoarders tend to hoard things, not foist them on others dozy12345 Hmm

I’d work on your interpretations as well tbh, there was nothing unclear about OP saying no thanks.

OP, what will you do if she doesn’t reply?

StripeySocks29 · 22/07/2019 19:34

@Notcopingwellhere I think you’re being overly optimistic, if someone says no to second hand clothes then there is nothing kind about dumping 6 (SIX!!!!!) bags on their doorstep. What would have been kind would be perhaps picking out one or two excellent condition items that have the recipients favourite character on, or an expensive item like a winter coat and saying are you sure you don’t want these, they’re too good to just throw away?

TeddybearBaby · 22/07/2019 19:36

Depressing thread. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be mean or nasty by giving you some old clothes. I get your irritation though.

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 19:37

you sound delightful AnneLovesGilbert, thanks for the unkindness!

Apolloanddaphne · 22/07/2019 19:40

Lob the bags in your bin. Job done.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2019 19:44

Why do people keep suggesting OP gives them to a charity shop? A why should she, it’s not her rubbish and B why is it fair to dump unusable unsellable stuff on a charity, staffer by volunteers, who’d have to sort through it and come to the same conclusion OP’s done - that it’s destined for the tip?

Why are you defending the rubbish dumper dozy, you’re taking this quite personally. My sympathy is with OP whose doorstep has been littered with bags of crap. Not the person who did the littering. About 95% of other posts agree so, you know...

wineandroses1 · 22/07/2019 19:45

FGS Op just drop them back at her door. You know she’s being a CF! Drop them back or you’ll have to take them to the tip - surely it’s easier to drop them at her door?

serenoa · 22/07/2019 19:47

I wouldn't be so polite. I'd tell her I'm not the local waste dump and don't do it again.

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 19:52

I don't see the big deal really, it's one load of stuff to be gotten rid of. 95% of the posts are a bit unkind, a bit how I experience people in general really. It's not personal, I do get tired of the Mumsnet threads where the Op is galvanised to do more unkind retaliatory things though and this just seems one of those. I've probably spent too long on Mumsnet today.

A small mistake, oh let's up the ante by taking it all back round rather than getting rid of it sensibly & having that be an end to it.

MangoFeverDream · 22/07/2019 19:52

you didn't reply, and I didn't want to give them to the charity shop before you'd answered, so I've left them at your house

This is 100 percent what you should say after you dump them on her doorstep

birdonawire1 · 22/07/2019 19:56

Take them back and say they don't fit.

CoodleMoodle · 22/07/2019 20:19

Know how you feel OP! A relative offered me some of her DSs old clothes for DS (she's got 2 boys, I've got a DD and DS). I said no thanks, very kind but we've got loads. She insisted, so I said okay, I'll have a few bits. Then fifteen huge bags arrived. It wasn't terrible quality and I did keep the odd thing, but I didn't have room for it all (and didn't like a lot of it!) so I got a charity to come and collect it. It took over my house!

Hope you get it sorted.

greenwaterbottle · 22/07/2019 20:20

You're obviously easier to get to than the tip.
Please don't say they don't fit, you'll just get different stuff next time. And to be honest she doesn't care if they fit.

Merryoldgoat · 22/07/2019 20:28

A small mistake, oh let's up the ante by taking it all back round rather than getting rid of it sensibly & having that be an end to it.

Because a lot of us have been there. And politely accepted. And then it becomes a deluge.

I gave away loads of baby clothes to a friend. I checked if she wanted it, what ages she needed, sorted it all so only things in good condition were given, washed it all and put it in vacuum bags labelled by age. That was a favour to her.

The OP’s neighbour is pretending she’s doing OP a favour when it’s really vice versa.