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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she keeps dumping clothes on me?

284 replies

LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 17:11

A lady I know asked me a while ago what size my kids were in as she had some clothes that were too small and wanted to give them to me. My kids already have too much so I said no thankyou, but she insisted.

Today I have come home from work to find 6 bags of clothes in varying ages by my door. The majority are stained, have holes in, faded and smell damp. I literally could have cried when I got home. The local skip in our area is only open 1 day per week and its closed by the time I get home from work. I cant give it to charity, its not fit for anyone to wear.

I feel ungrateful but why the hell would anyone give someone clothes in that state? I dont know what to do with it all! AIBU?

OP posts:
georgialondon · 22/07/2019 18:24

Definitely back to her doorstep!

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 18:27

I don't know, I'd assume she had trouble giving them away except to someone she thought needed them, maybe she's a hoarder, maybe she has anxiety - it's not the only possible explanation that she's a lazy CF, she took the time to ask the DCs' ages and bring them around.

You must have a rag recycling point - our school has one and makes some money from it. I'd just get rid of them on the QT to a Tesco textile box or other rag recycler.

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 18:31

others have suggested H&M etc. I wouldn't go for the jugular over someone donating stuff that isn't up to it as I couldn't be sure it wasn't well intentioned. If they're damp, maybe she's tried to wash them but her machine isn't up to much.

I had a family send us some second hand stained stuff, I would usually confront except if I think it was well intentioned, so I didn't. No need to be unkind.

Willow2017 · 22/07/2019 18:31

Op has already said recycling centre is open 1 day a week and closed by the time she finishes work.
What do people suggest she does? Go trawling charity shops to see if they want filthy mouldy clothes? None of the ones round my way do.

Once op has 'accepted' them once what happens with the next load of tat she drops off for her? Off you pop op and find a home for it again ad infinitum?

managedmis · 22/07/2019 18:34

She either needs to collect or you take them back.

Finished.

Wombleish · 22/07/2019 18:35

Take them back to her and dump them on her doorstep with a couple of bags of your own DCs old and worn clothes with note saying 'sorry, like I said, these are no good for us, but I'm sure you can find someone else who needs them more, plus here's some extra clothes you can also pass on'.

Bit too pass/ag? Grin

In my head, I'd do just this, but, like you I'd try not create conflict.

NoSauce · 22/07/2019 18:35

How near does she live? Is she dumping them on you because you’re nearer than the charity shop? If you have the energy try and take them back tonight.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/07/2019 18:35

Dump them back on her doorstep with a note saying: didn’t hear back from you and I don’t have space, so thought I’d save you the bother of collecting. She can’t pretend to get the hump at that and it makes it clear you are not a disposal service for her old tat.

dozy12345 · 22/07/2019 18:36

the recycling centre is only one option Op has looked at though. You don't need to trawl charity shops, you just take them in, they all do rag recycling for stuff that's not fit to sell.

If she's sent 6 bags seems unlikely it'll happen again. Mumsnet does amaze me with its lack of kindness...it isn't easier to drop to someone's house than to a recycling/rag place so she's clearly done it for some reason.

OliviaBenson · 22/07/2019 18:37

Her not replying is a good thing. Take the clothes and dump them on her doorstep and send a breezy message to say you've returned them and you hope they go to a good home.

Sorted!

Pinktinker · 22/07/2019 18:39

I would take them back to her. I’ve never understood people who find it acceptable to pass on dirty hole ridden clothing to others, it’s so disrespectful. She also should have taken the hint when you said no.

user1493494961 · 22/07/2019 18:41

If you don't want to return them to her, many charity shops sell unsuitable stuff for rags (as do clothes banks). They still get money for them.

TowelNumber42 · 22/07/2019 18:43

Not brave enough? Hmmm. Do you hate future you so much that you would open your future self up to loads more of her cheeky fuckery? Do you really want that in your life?

A CF must not know you are scared of confrontation because then she owns you!

Wait until night time then drop the bags on her doorstep. No note. No whatsapp. Nothing.

If she comments or messages at all you can completely ignore her. Really you can.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 22/07/2019 18:45

Before she replies take them back and leave on her doorstep. Don't give her the chance to tell you to pass them.

StripeySocks29 · 22/07/2019 18:46

Personally I’m not a fan of 2nd hand clothes, I just buy a small number of new clothes and when I pass them on I make sure the person wants them, and I make it really clear that I don’t want to fill their house with stuff they don’t want.

She’s been sooo rude here, the fact that the clothes aren’t even in good condition just makes it worse. If you really don’t like confrontation then just leave them out for the bin men.

Drum2018 · 22/07/2019 18:48

Now that you've told her you don't need them, you can bring them back and thank her for thinking of you but you had already said you don't need anything. Let her get offended if she's that way inclined. But you just stick to saying that you'd already told her ... At least if she takes the hump, you won't have to deal with her again 😁

TowelNumber42 · 22/07/2019 18:53

Imagine how you will feel after you've plonked those bags on her doorstep and returned home. A strong woman who quietly but firmly stands up for herself. Want that future? Gird your loins and make it so.

Imagine how you'll feel if you let her trample you? Not so good, eh?

sonjadog · 22/07/2019 18:54

Now you have told her you don't need them and she can give them to someone else, you can just drop them off outside her door.

INeedAFlerken · 22/07/2019 18:55

You've told her, now put them in your car and drop them off outside her door. Now. Just do it.

It's her rubbish to sort, not yours.

DaisyChainsGetBroken · 22/07/2019 18:56

Take them back to hers else she will keep doing it

MrsAJCrowley · 22/07/2019 19:03

Have you got a cash for clothes near you op? At least then you could get a couple of quid out of her being such a cheeky mare!

bmbonanza · 22/07/2019 19:07

personally I would just put them in the clothes bin at a carpark and not make a fuss or have the hassle of returning them.

CharityDingle · 22/07/2019 19:09

Bring them back before she replies. Otherwise this will go on and on.

pictish · 22/07/2019 19:11

‘Would you like them back?’

Nooooo

‘I am going to drop them off.’

And fgs...do!

Notcopingwellhere · 22/07/2019 19:18

I think it’s really sad that so many people see rudeness and laziness here. Maybe she genuinely thought you could make use of them. If clothes are faded then they make good play clothes, my DS gets really grubby playing outside all summer. In this age of disposable fashion and throwaway culture is it not a good thing to reuse and pass things in?

I would just take it as a kind but misjudged gesture and them in the next charity rag bag that comes through your door.

The attitude on these threads is really depressing, so much aggression and mean-spiritedness.