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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she keeps dumping clothes on me?

284 replies

LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 17:11

A lady I know asked me a while ago what size my kids were in as she had some clothes that were too small and wanted to give them to me. My kids already have too much so I said no thankyou, but she insisted.

Today I have come home from work to find 6 bags of clothes in varying ages by my door. The majority are stained, have holes in, faded and smell damp. I literally could have cried when I got home. The local skip in our area is only open 1 day per week and its closed by the time I get home from work. I cant give it to charity, its not fit for anyone to wear.

I feel ungrateful but why the hell would anyone give someone clothes in that state? I dont know what to do with it all! AIBU?

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 22/07/2019 20:37

By the most charitable interpretation the friend failed to listen to OP saying no thanks. Returning the items makes the point that her words mean something and her boundaries are not easily trampled.

Original poster
LongIslandTea60 · 22/07/2019 20:41

Ok, shes replied saying "really it's fine, I know your situation and would like to help" I actually have no idea what she is talking about

She lives about 7 miles from me and kids are now in bed so I may see if I can drop them off tomorrow on my way to work

OP posts:
WhenZogateSuperworm · 22/07/2019 20:43

I would reply and say “as I’ve said, my situation is that I’m already overrun with clothes so I will drop them back with you tomorrow. Thanks for thinking of me.”

MangoFeverDream · 22/07/2019 20:44

She lives about 7 miles from me and kids are now in bed so I may see if I can drop them off tomorrow on my way to work

Yes and definitely don’t ask for permission, just say you must be thinking of someone else, I have no need or some such thing. Very insulting to have her reference a “situation”

serenoa · 22/07/2019 20:45

OMG, I thought she was a close neighbour! Are we still allowed to use the expression 'batshit crazy'?

thepartysover · 22/07/2019 20:46

That reply has blown me away!

TowelNumber42 · 22/07/2019 20:46

Yes do that. No more messages. Just drop them back. If you feel the need to leave a message, after you've dropped them send "I think you've mixed me up with someone else. I've dropped them back so you can donate them to whoever it was in need."

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2019 20:47

Cheeky mare. As said, your situation is you don’t want her old crap.

Thehop · 22/07/2019 20:48

Drop them back and message “honestly I think you’ve misunderstood. We’re not poor, we’ve got plenty of clothes so I really can’t make proper use of yours. I’d hate to stop someone who’d be really grateful getting them though....thank you”

BrioLover · 22/07/2019 20:48

"You must have the wrong family! I'll drop them back on my way to work tomorrow so the clothes can go to another family as we are not in need. Thank you anyway."

feelingverylazytoday · 22/07/2019 20:49

I also think that British people are hard to read and often say no when they mean yes
How patronising. I don't have any difficulty in saying what I mean.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/07/2019 20:57

Ooh, isn’t she Lady Bountiful?

Yep, drop them off tomorrow morning. Don’t text back, just do it.

seven201 · 22/07/2019 21:00

I'd reply with

I don't know what situation you mean to be honest. My kids already have too many clothes! I'm going to pop the clothes on your doorstep next time I'm near your way. Night

LawnsLT · 22/07/2019 21:02

Take them to a place that gives you 55p a kilo or whatever it is, then use the money on your kids...saying that you might only get a couple of pound xx

pollysproggle · 22/07/2019 21:04

I have this regularly OP.
I have quite a good blended family relationship with my ex and my eldest DC's step mum. They have a son together (6) and I have 3 year old with my DH.
They are both dripping with high end designer clothes and buy the same for the children so I get their 6 year olds hand me downs sent to me.
Bags of Stella McCartney, Paul smith etc children's clothes all presented in a big Liberty bag.
Sounds great except the woman (as much as I like her) can't wash clothes for shit!

All covered in stains and washed out as they put all colours including whites in the same wash!
I rifle through and see if anything is salvageable but I'll maybe keep one or two things and chuck the rest.
It's a pain and I sometimes I feel like it's rude as I'm really not hard up and in need of their dirty washing but I'm yet to say anything because I don't want to sound mean.

It may be designer but it's worthless with their sons spag Bol stains down the front!

NoSquirrels · 22/07/2019 21:06

Just take them back to her. She’s been really rude, you don’t owe her any courtesy.

“I know your situation” indeed!

RockyRolly · 22/07/2019 21:10

Just take them to your local supermarket carpark and put them in one of the charity clothes bins. Then block her.

greenwaterbottle · 22/07/2019 21:16

"Oh that explains it, you must have me mixed up with someone else! I dropped them back at yours this morning so you can give them to your needy friend"

StripeySocks29 · 22/07/2019 21:16

OP I’m shocked at her reply, I hope you’ll find the confidence to set her straight! Cheeky bitch.

CallmeAngelina · 22/07/2019 21:23

Just take them to your local supermarket carpark and put them in one of the charity clothes bins.
There are plenty of ways the OP could get rid of the clothes, but the point is that this woman needs to understand that she is not the go-to receptacle for her cast-offs that she can't be bothered to take to the dump. And why does she appear to think that you have "a situation" that she needs to help with anyway?

OooErMissus · 22/07/2019 21:38

I do hope you return them to her, OP.

You don't need to worry about being polite and not offending people like this.

She has no qualms about offending you (and she absolutely has).

What's the worst that could happen? She stops talking to you? Result.

phoenixrosehere · 22/07/2019 21:43

The cheek of her.

Is this a British thing, giving people bags of clothes they didn’t ask for in a condition that can be near repulsive?

I’ve only experienced this here and only accepted it because it was clothes from husband’s family when I was pregnant with our oldest and he didn’t turn them down. Stuff that had been sitting around for years and didn’t have the decency to wash before giving them to us. Nothing says congrats like getting bags full of dingy, stained, smelly old baby and children’s clothes and having to sift through them. Ended up selling some of the better things and taking the stained, dingy stuff to H&M. Think I kept maybe a few bits and ended up buying most of his clothes because our son was a small, but long baby and he didn’t fit any of it and I wasn’t going to keep it in the house, taking up space.

My cousin in the States swaps with his neighbours. Once the kids grow out of them , they ask around and the clothes directly go to another family. Clothes don’t just sit around somewhere for ages. They’re also washed unless asked otherwise.

I don’t see how it’s being ungrateful for not wanting something you not only didn’t ask for, but said no to in the first place. Drop that stuff off either back at her home or at H&M or something... whichever is closer. I’d be embarrassed to pass on some stained , dingy clothes to anyone regardless of their situation and it shocks me how many people are seemingly all right with it. I buy very few things in charity shops due to this. I bought a lovely leather duffel only to find a used, bloody old sanitary pad inside one of the pockets. Thankfully, it was in the wrapper but took a lot of work to get the smell out!

Again drop those clothes off either back on her doorstep or somewhere that recycles clothes. Don’t even have to say anything to her as she didn’t say anything to you..

TanyaChix · 22/07/2019 21:46

She put them on your doorstep without asking you and without speaking to you, so given that your text was ignored, that’s exactly what you now do to her.

Troels · 22/07/2019 22:04

I think you need to find out what your "situation" is that needs a load of rubbish clothes.

Pinktinker · 22/07/2019 22:07

‘My situation is I do not need your mouldy old clothes, we have plenty of our own thanks.’ Block and put the clothes back on her doorstep.