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Original poster

SO much cheating

179 replies

Somuchcheating · 22/07/2019 16:33

Feeling a bit floored about how much cheating I’ve recently found out is going on amongst people I know

Don’t think this is just my circle is it? The below are a mix of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, friends of friends etc

Just a few examples -

High up local official, family man, currently sleeping with three women other than his wife

Married man with baby engaging in gay foursomes of a weekend

Friend of dh having affair, wife oblivious

Married Woman at work sleeping with our mutual colleague, everyone but her dh knows

Don’t consider myself particularly naive but was really shocked at just how much cheating is going on, and know for a fact their other halves are clueless

Makes me both Sad and 😡

OP posts:
Paramicha · 23/07/2019 17:23

There is a lot of nastiness and bitterness, but maybe if you've been cheated on you become bitter.
It's sad that some people don't trust their partner, wtf are they with them/ Are they too insecure to look for someone who won't cheat?

Oh no, because that's just naive Grin Only on Mnet.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2019 17:25

There is a lot of nastiness and bitterness, but maybe if you've been cheated on you become bitter.

Accusing someone of bitterness because they don’t agree is such lazy rhetoric. If it helps I have never been cheated on.

It's sad that some people don't trust their partner, wtf are they with them/ Are they too insecure to look for someone who won't cheat?

I always trusted my ex-husband. I still trust him. That doesn’t mean I can state with absolute certainty how he will behave. That would be idiotic.

Paramicha · 23/07/2019 17:36

Don't understand lazy rhetoric, but it's sad people think like you.
I'd rather trust and make sure I keep my dh happy, because i love him, he says he feels the same, so we're ok.
Still me, him against the rest of the world, two drifting soulmates, nothing's changed.
But if you want to call security naive well that's your call.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2019 17:41

But if you want to call security naive well that's your call

You cannot guarantee security THAT is my point.

You cannot guarantee how another sentient being will act. It’s impossible to do so.

If you think you can then yes, you’re naive. I find it astonishing that an adult will actually state that as fact.

You’re mistaking what security is.

Sarcelle · 23/07/2019 17:43

Like Mills & Boon!

mydogisthebest · 23/07/2019 18:25

I know people who have cheated and some that are cheating now. However I also know many people who I am pretty sure have never cheated.

No one has to cheat. It's no excuse to say we are only human or we all make mistakes. Cheating is not a bloody mistake is it? It's being a totally shit human being. It's treating someone you are supposed to love and respect like dirt.

I don't agree that we are all capable of cheating. I know I would never ever cheat. I believe it is totally wrong. It sickens me to be honest.

I also know that my DH feels exactly the same as I do. We have been married 40 years and both been totally faithful to each other. We didn't make vows for the fun of it - we meant them.

Don't bother telling me I am naïve or smug or whatever. Some people just would never cheat no matter what.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2019 18:28

Some people just would never cheat no matter what

You absolutely cannot ever guarantee what any other human being will do though.

Paramicha · 23/07/2019 18:31

Mary

You would be one of those saying naive because you did it yourself, others have morals and wouldn't do it, whether they are trusted or not.
Nothing wrong with a bit of extra marital sex as long as your oh doesn't object.
So it's not being naive, just realistic with the person you have, you can either trust them or not.
all this you never know bollocks means you don't trust your partner.
But as so many are happy with cheaters and society accepts this as normal and the divorce that follows, oh, and the upset for the kids, morals don't really come into it.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2019 18:33

all this you never know bollocks means you don't trust your partner

No it doesn’t. I don’t know how to explain it any simpler Confused

But as so many are happy with cheaters and society accepts this as normal and the divorce that follows, oh, and the upset for the kids, morals don't really come into it

Divorce doesn’t have to upset the kids. That’s a reductive statement.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2019 18:34

If you tell yourself you KNOW how someone will behave then you’re naive. You might have a good idea, you can trust them to be a good person but you cannot and will not ever be able to guarantee their behaviour.

My ex is a good man. I trust him to be a great father and provide for our daughter. However I cannot ever guarantee that he will. That would be utterly foolish of me.

IdaBWells · 23/07/2019 19:06

When I went to work for a well known online insurance company in the early 1990s the MD was a middle aged man, married with three young boys. He looked like he was in his early 50s. He was having a very public affair with one of our bosses of the sales floor. It was very clear she was getting promotions due to him and drove a new Beemer to work. Everyone knew (except his wife). The girlfriend had a close friend who was doing virtually the same, sleeping with a married senior manager, was given a prestigious role and lots of status. I was 20 at the time and I was very surprised at how open it all was, and how smug the two young women were about it. They’re were definitely benefitting materially and in their careers because of their affairs.

I have been married 23 yrs, of course DH could have cheated but I find it really hard to believe he would. He just had a weird encounter this week in the supermarket which our 13 yr son was witness to. An unknown woman came up to him and said “you must have a super hot wife”. DH was speechless and then the woman said “because you’re so good looking you must have a hot wife”. Both DH and DS were stunned, although when I got home and they told me I found it really funny but also weird. I guess she was hitting on my husband! A friend I fell out with also hit on my husband and it freaked him out so he didn’t tell me for a while (I think she scared him actually! 😆).

A good friend told me how upset she was at the amount of women at a work event that were hitting on her husband in front of her.

We seem to be getting to a place socially of total shamelessness.

Magicpaintbrush · 23/07/2019 19:15

I have been cheated on by every man I've ever been with. But you know what? It says more about them than it does about me. One thing I do know - I would never cheat, and I would also NEVER knowingly go after a man who was married or had a partner, especially if they had kids. People who do are the absolute scum of the earth and should be fucking ashamed.

Hailthelime · 23/07/2019 19:22

I used to say my partner wouldn't cheat on me then he did. We are still together. I also know another couple where he cheated and they are still together but they have never told another soul apart from me!

hazandduck · 23/07/2019 22:02

@Paramicha you are talking about an open marriage. Good for you if it works, but it’s not the same thing as cheating. You sound like you’re trying really hard to be ‘cool’ with it all.

hazandduck · 23/07/2019 22:04

Also the implication that people who don’t stay trim or always prioritise their partners is pretty disgusting, especially when there are women on this thread who have opened up about how hurt they’ve been by cheating spouses.

hazandduck · 23/07/2019 22:05

Should say *who don’t stay trim or prioritise their partners deserve to be cheated on

NoCauseRebel · 23/07/2019 22:22

JacquesHammer but that goes both ways surely? If you say that people are naive who believe their partners would never cheat, then that goes for your partner as well doesn’t it? After all, no-one knows another individual according to you, so even though you might tell your partner you’d never cheat, or even mention on here that you wouldn’t, anyone who believed you would be naive.....

To the PP who mentioned couples staying together after affairs, I read somewhere that the majority of couples actually do stay together after an affair. But of course we only read on here about the ones who don’t, and actually I’d go so far as to say that anyone posting on here that they stayed with a partner who had cheated on them would be flamed for not leaving, so people likely don’t admit to having stayed with a cheating partner or even for cheating and having worked out a marriage afterwards.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2019 22:29

but that goes both ways surely? If you say that people are naive who believe their partners would never cheat, then that goes for your partner as well doesn’t it? After all, no-one knows another individual according to you, so even though you might tell your partner you’d never cheat, or even mention on here that you wouldn’t, anyone who believed you would be naive

Of course it does. Any partner I ever have cannot possibly now I wouldn’t cheat. You can trust them as far as you know them, you can make a judge of their character but you cannot ever know for sure.

Jente · 23/07/2019 22:52

This reminds me of my first job after leaving college. I was so naive. My boss - let's call him Mark - was great and I had a lot of respect for him. He was married with a family. His girlfriend - Julie - would come over around 5pm to 'help out'.

I remember telling all my much older colleagues how nice it was of Julie to come help out every day and how hard Mark must be working to stay late so often, then wondering why they were all laughing at me. Blush

Tallgreenbottle · 23/07/2019 23:24

And they're just the ones you know about, OP. The rest will probably never get caught because they're too good at hiding it.

mydogisthebest · 24/07/2019 08:24

@JacquesHammer I think you can say that some people would never cheat.

I know I never would because of how I feel about cheating. I also know my DH feels exactly the way I do about cheating. I can say with absolute certainty he has never cheated and never would.

JacquesHammer · 24/07/2019 08:26

I think you can say that some people would never cheat

You can’t. There is no way you can guarantee the behaviour of another sentient adult.

It might feel more comfortable to think you can, and I understand that.

You might be able to make an educated judgement but saying you can know another adults behaviour with absolute certainty is naive.

Original poster
Somuchcheating · 24/07/2019 08:59

I agree with @JacquesHammer

I’ve just seen too many (women, usually) absolutely convinces if their husbands unshakeable morals who have been utterly, completely blind sided by betrayal, who never ever saw it coming.

The lovely grandad who uses prostitutes.

The daddy of a newborn texting his mistress while wife’s in labour.

The many, many fiancés cheating on their stag nights.

Urghh

OP posts:
2eternities · 24/07/2019 09:50

Yeah I worked as an escort from being 18-22 and most customers were married and in the 30-65 age range. Mostly middle class since it was pretty expensive like over £100 an hour. They'd usually come on their lunch break from work or after work using gym, pub, golf, working late etc etc as an excuse. None of their wives had a clue what they were up to. Often the cars they came in would have kids car seats and sun visors in them

insecure123 · 24/07/2019 10:56

The biggest shock of adult life for me was that most people cheat and most people do drugs.

Me too! Well and truly enlightened!