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Original poster

SO much cheating

179 replies

Somuchcheating · 22/07/2019 16:33

Feeling a bit floored about how much cheating I’ve recently found out is going on amongst people I know

Don’t think this is just my circle is it? The below are a mix of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, friends of friends etc

Just a few examples -

High up local official, family man, currently sleeping with three women other than his wife

Married man with baby engaging in gay foursomes of a weekend

Friend of dh having affair, wife oblivious

Married Woman at work sleeping with our mutual colleague, everyone but her dh knows

Don’t consider myself particularly naive but was really shocked at just how much cheating is going on, and know for a fact their other halves are clueless

Makes me both Sad and 😡

OP posts:
NomDeQwerty · 22/07/2019 21:56

Blind sided not blind sighted and CrazyBunny I think most of us felt that way about our DHs initially. Hardly anyone waltzes up the aisle thinking they don't trust the person they are marrying.
Benefit of the doubt is a good way to start of course. But you sound very naive and dare I say it, smug.

dayswithaY · 22/07/2019 21:58

The older I get the more people I know whose partner has cheated on them. All types, even the ones you think never will. That's normally why it hits people so hard, you don't think it will happen to you.

Sushi123 · 22/07/2019 22:03

I honestly think it depends on the workplace and age... I worked in hospitality and affairs were rife...same in call centre...I now work in a hospital and I'm not aware of any, though saying that, I don't socialize with colleagues now so I'm probably not privy to such gossip... thankfully

motortroll · 22/07/2019 22:05

I don't know if anyone who's cheating...that doesn't mean they're not I suppose!

I've known a couple of people who've split up because of it but I didn't know their partners.

Thinking about it all the couples we know we'll seem like they wouldn't have time 😂

My husbands ex wife cheated on him more than once. I just don't get it either you want to be with someone or you don't! I guess an affair may seem exciting but I don't think I could have such disregard for someone else's feelings....unless I hated them then I wouldn't be in a relationship with them!!!

All of that said I did cheat on a couple of boyfriends in my 20s....there were never marriages involved and I ended those relationships almost immediately so more of an overlap than an affair!!! That's probably how I learnt how despicable it is. Not proud!

merlotqueen · 22/07/2019 22:12

Wow, I know one couple, he cheated, she took him back but that is the only one.
However,DP and I haven't had sex in years so I'm wondering if he is having sex with somebody else. I wouldn't be devastated yes I know we need to break up but don't want to break the DCs hearts

Eustasiavye · 22/07/2019 22:32

My ex cheated on his ex wife with her sil. My dh 's ex cheated on him.
I was talking to an old work colleague last week and she told me the md was shagging a new young female employee. We were also reminiscing about our old boss who was having an affair with a married work colleague.
I think it is rife and depressing.

Crazybunnylady123 · 22/07/2019 22:53

@NomDeQwerty

I am not smug or naive. Maybe you are jealous and bitter or maybe not as I don’t know you!
However I am happy and I believe in my relationship and yeh I know he won’t cheat. My point is simply don’t tar everyone with the same brush.
There are men and women that don’t cheat fact.

Bedsidedrawer · 22/07/2019 23:05

I've been hit on, as a married woman. Even though I gave no vibe or flirting, talk about my DH and am happily married!
One of my friends admits she has crushes and flirts - makes me wonder if she took it further ever.
My DH seems such an unlikely type but now I'm wondering!

Havingarethink · 23/07/2019 00:02

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it yet but the amount of people on a thread today, incredulous about partners saving emergency money made me think how naive other people were /how jaded I am.

You only know yourself 100%, you can't possibly know another person 100%. Oh and those people who don't know any cheaters at all in their social group Hmm.

BrightOink · 23/07/2019 00:14

Last summer, of our circle of friends;

One DH cheating with 2 work colleagues

One domestic violence case we knew nothing about - dreadful to say the least

One abortion from (still unknown about) affair

Two couples splitting amicably - one because they were never together due to work and travel, the other because of his depression, ultimately.

We are all aged from late 30's to early 50's. Dreadful but guess it might in our cases, be related to our eldest children all being 16-18?

daisyboocantoo · 23/07/2019 00:17

@BrightOink one cheating with two ow?

Speakercube · 23/07/2019 00:24

It's always happened it's just that years ago often the wife that was cheated on kept quiet as they weren't strong enough/ financially dependent on their husbands to leave. A type of grin and bear it regime. I don't think it's any worse than years ago.

BrightOink · 23/07/2019 00:26

@daisyboocantoo yep. At a large local firm. Lots on inter-connected friends of friends etc. Quite unbelievable and very likeable guy from the outside. Does a lot for charity etc

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 23/07/2019 01:12

My DP cheated 6 years out of the 7 we've been together 😕 I found out last year I was the other woman for 3 of those years!

HeadintheiClouds · 23/07/2019 01:20

I don’t know anyone up to those sort of shenanigans Shock. Maybe everyone I know is just very discreet...

Mintjulia · 23/07/2019 02:37

On the bright side, if you’re reading this and you don’t cheat, it means you are kinder and much honest than a fair proportion of the population.
Something to feel good about. Smile

TwistyTop · 23/07/2019 02:45

I don't know of many people at all who are cheating, but that doesn't mean they aren't at it! I can think of one couple that have both cheated on each other a ridiculous number of times, and had plenty of huge fights over it each time one of them discovered the other one was cheating yet again. Now I know that the man is still seeing a woman who he started cheating with about 18 months ago, so I think that's turned into a full blown affair, and I'm not sure about the woman. These people don't really like each other, they constantly slag each other off and say how unhappy they are when their partner is out of earshot. Not married, no DC. They just bought a house together though... ?

I really don't get it, I'm afraid. Perhaps I'm just too naive to understand, but surely if you aren't happy in your relationship you just end it, rather than cheating prolifically? I've never cheated on anyone. If I've gotten to the point where I really want to be with someone else so badly that I could actually act on it then I've ended the relationship. Just seems logical to me?

ALittleBitofVitriol · 23/07/2019 03:13

I've never cheated on a partner and I would be very surprised if dh ever did. It's certainly not a thing in our circles.

hazandduck · 23/07/2019 07:13

surely if you aren't happy in your relationship you just end it, rather than cheating I did use to think a bit like this, but I think a lot of the time it’s far more complex than that. Years of commitment, children, financial dependency, love, can be a scary thing to just walk away from. Half the time I think cheating is a symptom of wanting to walk away but being too scared to do it, like a ‘get out’ strategy. Or some people really think they can get away with it! I don’t believe all cheats/cheating situations are the same and it makes someone evil.

I also fear for the poster above who feels their relationship is completely cheat proof. Complacency in a relationship makes you very vulnerable. I don’t think my DH would cheat on me or I on him and we love each other very much but I know we always have to work on it and I know circumstances could change and the potential for one of us cheating is always there. It’s naive to think otherwise.

Alsohuman · 23/07/2019 07:27

It was ever thus. Human beings aren’t designed to be monogamous for decades. Despite being old and very happily married, with zero interest in sex, two of my friends’ husbands have hit on me in the last couple of years.

Eustasiavye · 23/07/2019 07:32

I don't think you'd necessarily know if your friends/acquaintances were cheating. Often when people split up, they then tell you that their partner had previously cheated.

MsTSwift · 23/07/2019 07:33

Lots going on at city law firms. Men who travelled but were quite senior were pretty much all shaggers. At that level you can choose if you travel extensively or not and the decent family men chose not to

Eustasiavye · 23/07/2019 07:50

You would think people would just end their relationship if they aren't happy but it's often not that simple.
Lots of people like the comfort of being in a secure relationship, they also like the thrill of shagging around.

Original poster
Somuchcheating · 23/07/2019 08:15

The people I know who are cheating are people you really wouldn’t expect to be. Their partners certainly don’t expect it!!

OP posts:
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 23/07/2019 08:19

I agree OP I seem to see/hear about it everywhere these days? I don't know if the OW involved see it as a badge of honour to have got their claws into someone else's man (a woman at my work was certainly like that and it was well known she slept with about 4/5 men in a relationship)

It's depressing that men/women who you thought completely loyal and faithful would cheat and makes you worry for your own partner at time that there seems to be these people out there that think nothing of pursuing someone in a relationship