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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my friend should have given some consideration to her wedding guests?

183 replies

Googoogoogoogoo · 21/07/2019 13:46

My friend recently got married. She and her DH decided they wanted a “small and intimate” wedding as they don’t have many friends and don’t get along with their families.

My DH and I felt really honoured to be included but after the wedding it was clear she had given no consideration to her guests!

They got married at a registry office and my friend asked if I would pick her up and take her, so she could put some decorations for the reception and other bits in my car. Of course I had no problems with this but when we arrived my friend asked me to park in the nearest car park which is a “long stay” and ended up costing me 25 quid for six hours. She didn’t offer to pay and I felt bad asking her on her wedding day so decided to let it go, but I thought this was super cheeky.

My friend and her DH decided to hold the reception in a function room in a restaurant and sent out invites via FB messenger with a list of menu choices. After the ceremony we get to the reception and my friends father did a speech before dinner is served. He ended his speech with “thank you all for coming, and for contributing to the costs of the meal, I know (friend) and (her husband) have struggled with money so they appreciate it”. Everyone looked a bit confused but it soon became clear that we were to pay for own meals, and the 3 courses we had pre ordered were £70 each! Sad drinks were also not included and had to be paid for ourselves. Me and DH were miffed, we aren’t the richest of people and it cost us £165 to attend my friends wedding. If friend had pre-warned us we could have saved a bit but she didn’t tell anyone we had to pay for ourselves.

Added to this, me and DH clubbed together £100 as a wedding gift for them and we haven’t heard from them since. The wedding was in May and no thank you card or message or anything.

I’m really actually cross about this and wonder if I’m BU. I get that the wedding should be what the bride and groom wants but I think my friend and her DH have been CFs.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 23/07/2019 06:47

Love the cake stealing story. I'm kicking myself for not stealing the cake at my BILs CF wedding where they didn't even cut the cake.

fedup21 · 23/07/2019 07:39

It's perfectly possible to have an affordable wedding without ripping off your guests.

Absolutely.

It would annoy me too much that they were bleating on about their having everything ‘just the way they wanted it’ on FB when they had simply tricked their friends into paying for it all!

hibbledibble · 23/07/2019 08:28

Absolutely it is cheeky, but you knew that already I'm guessing?

If they couldn't afford an expensive restaurant, then it should have been held somewhere cheaper. Did they provide anything for the guests?

Will you call them out on it, or have you just cut the friendship?

FelicisNox · 23/07/2019 14:21

No wonder they're unpopular!

Definitely CF. You won't get your money back so there's no point asking.

Cut them off and if she has the audacity to wonder where you've gone and why, tell her.

ImMeantToBeWorking · 23/07/2019 15:29

Ask for the money for the parking back on her facebook post. Say that after having to pay for your own meal, and their gift, that you need the money for parking back.

I assume she won't be long deleting the comment.

Janem50 · 23/07/2019 15:46

Christ on a bike!!!

Sara107 · 23/07/2019 17:09

May is not that long for thank you cards, said someone. Really? My understanding of ‘wedding etiquette’ is that they should be done as soon as you return from honeymoon. People are just lazy about it. The last wedding I went to (Irish), we were never thanked at all for the money we gave. The bride opened the card and never mentioned the cash, I’ve always wondered if she somehow failed to notice the 100e in the card (actually inside the card) and binned it with the envelope or something. How else to account for not even a casual ‘thanks’. When we finally got a note 6 months later she thanked us for coming and again never mentioned the gift!

Throughthenever · 23/07/2019 17:57

I think mistakes can happen with thank yous. I meticulously wrote down each gift and who it was from. I ended up with writing over 75 thank you notes just for gifts!

However it took us about 3 months to get them out as I wanted to do a card with photos from the wedding, so had to wait for photos and then to get the cards printed

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