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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend should have given some consideration to her wedding guests?

183 replies

Googoogoogoogoo · 21/07/2019 13:46

My friend recently got married. She and her DH decided they wanted a “small and intimate” wedding as they don’t have many friends and don’t get along with their families.

My DH and I felt really honoured to be included but after the wedding it was clear she had given no consideration to her guests!

They got married at a registry office and my friend asked if I would pick her up and take her, so she could put some decorations for the reception and other bits in my car. Of course I had no problems with this but when we arrived my friend asked me to park in the nearest car park which is a “long stay” and ended up costing me 25 quid for six hours. She didn’t offer to pay and I felt bad asking her on her wedding day so decided to let it go, but I thought this was super cheeky.

My friend and her DH decided to hold the reception in a function room in a restaurant and sent out invites via FB messenger with a list of menu choices. After the ceremony we get to the reception and my friends father did a speech before dinner is served. He ended his speech with “thank you all for coming, and for contributing to the costs of the meal, I know (friend) and (her husband) have struggled with money so they appreciate it”. Everyone looked a bit confused but it soon became clear that we were to pay for own meals, and the 3 courses we had pre ordered were £70 each! Sad drinks were also not included and had to be paid for ourselves. Me and DH were miffed, we aren’t the richest of people and it cost us £165 to attend my friends wedding. If friend had pre-warned us we could have saved a bit but she didn’t tell anyone we had to pay for ourselves.

Added to this, me and DH clubbed together £100 as a wedding gift for them and we haven’t heard from them since. The wedding was in May and no thank you card or message or anything.

I’m really actually cross about this and wonder if I’m BU. I get that the wedding should be what the bride and groom wants but I think my friend and her DH have been CFs.

OP posts:
BubblesBubbly · 21/07/2019 14:20

@Areyoubeingserved why the fuck did you give someone £100 for their 40th birthday!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/07/2019 14:21

she didn’t tell anyone we had to pay for ourselves
menu options ... copied and pasted on to the FB message with no prices

With someone quite this rude, she probably figured she'd get more in the way of gifts if she "forgot" to tell folk they'd be paying for themselves Hmm

BlueberryFool123 · 21/07/2019 14:25

@BubblesBubbly - Irish background here. Covering your plate is normal. So £100 present for a £100 meal would be right level of gift.

When I got married my Granny was shocked at some presents we were given. Comments of “shame” and “they were the ones drinking the free bar dry” were made...

dottiedodah · 21/07/2019 14:29

I personally think this is appallingly bad manners .And no wonder they are not too popular with F and F TBH!.However what to do ?,Bit late now really .However probably best to decline further invites !

bettydaviseyes1 · 21/07/2019 14:32

I was not with you until the meal thing. I initially thought let the parking go but then with the meal thing and £100 gift no way!! I see why you're annoyed!

I would understand if they didnt accept gifts just pay for your meal but not on!

BishopofBathandWells · 21/07/2019 14:35

What an awful thing to do to their guests - what if someone hadn't been able to cover the cost of their meal? I'd have very definitely struggled to cover the cost of a meal for both myself and DP. I think I'd quietly withdraw from the friendship and mute her on social media so you don't have to see her continued fuckery and be annoyed by it.

thetimekeeper · 21/07/2019 14:39

I don't understand why people maintain "friendships" with people who treat them like this, unless it's spectacularly out of character.

DarlingNikita · 21/07/2019 14:40

Christ. What a pair of tight, scheming, dishonest twunts.

Out of curiosity, what actually happened? Did you have to pay before you could leave the venue, or did everyone pay up meekly online or send a cheque afterwards?

I'd have been tempted to ignore requests to pay and point out that it was very much omitted from the invitations and plans.

groundanchochillipowder · 21/07/2019 14:41

I'd have taken my £100 back had it been a cheque.

Badcat666 · 21/07/2019 14:44

YANBU!!!

I would have walked out OP, walked out without paying as I would have been unable to afford that. In fact I would have most probably started crying and have a HUGE panic attack.

EVERY wedding I have gone to from lavish to small registry no one has to pay for their meal.

My friend couldn't afford to spend much so about 15 of us had a meal at a local cheap fish and chip restaurant after a reg wedding and then we all popped over the road to a pub where everyone happily paid for their own drinks and drinks for the bride and groom. Was one of the best weddings I've been to.

MRex · 21/07/2019 14:46

If they were broke then they should have cooked up a buffet themselves and had a party at their flat. You don't ever invite someone for a meal like that expecting them to pay.

The parking I'd forgive as presumably you would have been driving anyway or could have looked up cheaper parking nearby if it mattered to you.

HorridHenrysNits · 21/07/2019 14:46

Sounds fun badcat!

BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/07/2019 14:47

Was your £100 gift paid via cheque? I'd have cancelled that Grin

And in the UK "covering the cost of your plate" via your financial wedding gift is not the norm. At all.

EleanorReally · 21/07/2019 14:48

but it was in May,
you need to get over it by now.
you managed to afford it, bit of a shock if you didnt have the money that day

EleanorReally · 21/07/2019 14:50

agree, there is a reason they dont get on with their families!

Juells · 21/07/2019 14:52

I wonder how many people didn't have a wallet with them? I would never bring a wallet to something like that, where I'll be distracted and getting up and down from the table and wandering about talking to people.

alittlerayofsunshine · 21/07/2019 14:54

Fuck me that is awful. Sad

Sorry but this 'friend' would be ghosted ASAP.

Cherrytreesa · 21/07/2019 14:57

See this is why I've started declining wedding invitations now. Even if the meal is covered, here in Ireland you're expected to put at the very minimum, 100e in the card, 200e (if not more) for family...then added to that is the hotel prices if you need to stay and extortionate bar prices...then you have the 'afters' celebration the next day. Why in God's name should it cost me 500e upwards to attend someone's wedding day?

MyOtherProfile · 21/07/2019 14:59

they don’t have many friends and don’t get along with their families

Unfathomable. I expect they have even fewer friends now.

diddl · 21/07/2019 15:01

"Everyone looked a bit confused but it soon became clear that we were to pay for own meals, "

I think that that was the point at which you should have walked out!

If you can't afford to pay for guests, don't you just ask them to join you at X pub/restaurant if they want?

If they had sent out invitations with the reception on it that it really CFuckery!

7salmonswimming · 21/07/2019 15:02

That’s dishonest and sly behaviour.

They are not what I’d call friends.

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2019 15:06

I wouldn't have given them the £100 gift, or asked for it back.

Rainbowknickers · 21/07/2019 15:08

Oh god my brother and sister in law did this to me-I was a single mum without much money
Told me I was to be maid of honour/kids where to be bridesmaids/pageboys
Didn’t bloody tell me I was paying for all 7 outfits-I ended up buying them only to be told they’d changed the colour scheme and I was to buy new outfits in the ‘right colours’
Told me we’d be travelling in the bridal car with her-ended up shelling out £30 for taxis cos she’d ‘changed my mind and want to travel with my dad only’
Told me no kids at the night do-so paid for a babysitter-everyone else’s kids where there
Made me pay for our food and drinks cos ‘we’re skint’
Tried to make me pay for photos of the day-the ones with my kids in but I wasn’t to keep them-they where to be kept in an album at their house
I paid a fortune in a wedding present only to be told I had to take it back and give them the money

I stole their wedding cake and haven’t spoken to them since

mbosnz · 21/07/2019 15:09

I wouldn't want to hear from them again.

And if I did hear from them again, I think they wouldn't enjoy hearing what I'd be having to say.

Motoko · 21/07/2019 15:10

I wouldn't ghost them, I'd email them and tell them why. I wouldn't have had any money on me, other than a tenner for drinks (can't drink alcohol).

I also wouldn't have given £100 present. £50 is enough for a friend.

How did they collect the money for the meal?

Are you still friends OP?