to think my friend should have given some consideration to her wedding guests?

[Googoogoogoogoo]

My friend recently got married. She and her DH decided they wanted a “small and intimate” wedding as they don’t have many friends and don’t get along with their families.

My DH and I felt really honoured to be included but after the wedding it was clear she had given no consideration to her guests!

They got married at a registry office and my friend asked if I would pick her up and take her, so she could put some decorations for the reception and other bits in my car. Of course I had no problems with this but when we arrived my friend asked me to park in the nearest car park which is a “long stay” and ended up costing me 25 quid for six hours. She didn’t offer to pay and I felt bad asking her on her wedding day so decided to let it go, but I thought this was super cheeky.

My friend and her DH decided to hold the reception in a function room in a restaurant and sent out invites via FB messenger with a list of menu choices. After the ceremony we get to the reception and my friends father did a speech before dinner is served. He ended his speech with “thank you all for coming, and for contributing to the costs of the meal, I know (friend) and (her husband) have struggled with money so they appreciate it”. Everyone looked a bit confused but it soon became clear that we were to pay for own meals, and the 3 courses we had pre ordered were £70 each! drinks were also not included and had to be paid for ourselves. Me and DH were miffed, we aren’t the richest of people and it cost us £165 to attend my friends wedding. If friend had pre-warned us we could have saved a bit but she didn’t tell anyone we had to pay for ourselves.

Added to this, me and DH clubbed together £100 as a wedding gift for them and we haven’t heard from them since. The wedding was in May and no thank you card or message or anything.

I’m really actually cross about this and wonder if I’m BU. I get that the wedding should be what the bride and groom wants but I think my friend and her DH have been CFs.

@Rainbowknickers That is just too funny. I love it and the fact that they tried to charge you for it. I'm just mortified for them.

£70 PER HEAD? Not £35 set menu = £70 for two?

That’s pretty appalling on loads of counts.

1. not saying up front “If you’d like to come to a restaurant to celebrate with us after you’ll need to cover your meal cost”

2. choosing a really expensive restaurant if you expect others to pay

3. deliberating concealing the prices off the menu you show guests to pre-order, knowing you’re not paying.

4. not even stumping up for a glass of something to drink!

It’s awful, in fact.

I never take that much money with me to a wedding! Might take 40/50 for drinks but that’s it.

I would have walked out.

Id have walked to the gift table, opened the card and removed the money.

Yes I would have done this too, on the sly and very casually. I really would have.

She's no friend.

My suspicion is that the close friends and family table were totally fine because your £70 was covering them as well tbh.

It's rude, manipulative, cheeky and totally out of line. They aren't friends, at all.

Aragog I think the etiquette is that you are supposed to send thank you cards within 6 months of the wedding.

Yes, I see the etiquette stuff, I just don't think it is good practise in real life - not in this day and age when communication methods are so much easier and so much quicker.

For all the weddings I have been to it has been a priority to get them sorted more quickly.

I'd have hated leaving it so late - would have felt incredibly rude. If people are spending time and money to choose me a gift the very least I can do is say thank you.

How horrific

Wow what CFs!

Shit the bed what a pair of cheeky fuckers! And to not send thank you cards with such a small group is just rude - we ordered ours with a picture of us on the second we had our photos back.

We had a small and intimate wedding so that nobody had to pay a bloody penny for anything. You should’ve spoken up about the parking after they made you pay for your meal. What I cannot understand though, is if that’s what they’d planned all along, why didn’t they just tell you?!?

Knobheads of the highest order

Oops sorry. Wrong thread - I've reported.

Well I'd have walked out as soon as I realised I'd be paying that for a meal, purely because I wouldn't have that kind of money spare to waste, one meal is what my weekly shopping bill comes to and for both of us just wouldn't be a consideration! If you want a wedding on a budget that's great, but book a chain pub and tell people in advance that you won't be paying the bill

That's outrageous! That sum of money is not one many people just have lying around spare without the need for budgeting etc. They are not good friends and I would struggle remaining friends after that.

If you are happy to cut them loose I would let them know that was awful and CF in the extreme.

That would be friendship over for me.

I'd genuinely ask for the gift back and then never speak to them again. Fucking outrageous behaviour.

CF I’m amazed you’ve held it together for so long I would have had to say something there and then! Some people are awful when it comes to weddings and have no consideration for their guests because it’s ‘their big day’ but imo it just makes them look nasty and rude.
My now ex best friend dumped me as bridesmaid for someone else to take my place with no reason or explanation, paid for everyone’s outfits food and travel but expected me to pay for mine, then had the cheek to send me a link to the hotel everyone was supposedly staying at (£300 a night!!) and demanded I book one. I couldn’t afford even an outfit at the time as I was a newly single mum so I didn’t go to the wedding as a matter of principle, but out of guilt I sent her a card with money and never got a thank you either! I now steer clear of any weddings

Wow, what a pricey place!

I went out for a family meal recently. Cost wS £40 per person, including drinks (although we didn’t drink a lot due to driving).

£70 is an expensive meal.

I would have had to leave - I could nt justify that much money off the cuff. We are rather broke at the moment - so it would have been thanks for the invite have a good day.. byeeeeeee with us getting a bag of chips on the way home!
What a terrible thing to do. Drop it on you that it’s £70 per person! I hope the food was worth it!!
Drink tap water lol xc

Seems to me there’s a reason she doesn’t get on with her family and has few friends. I would be disgusted. If you’re tight on money you don’t book a meal at a restaurant with a £70 per head menu, for a start. I’d have removed my gift at the very least.

Horrible, entitled and definitely cheeky fucker behaviour.
I'm cross on your behalf!
I would also try and get the parking money back and then sack them off.
No wonder they don't get on with anyone!

They’re trashy, rude, CFs and it was the height of bad manners OP. YADNBU. If that had been me & DP we would have left as we wouldn’t have been able to afford (or justify if we could have) paying out that much money.
@Rainbowknickers - you are my hero!!

I'm sorry to say that if someone pulled that stunt on me I'd have walked out and let them deal with the bill. You don't tell people they're expected to pay on the day (with no prior warning).

And you can guarantee that they didnt pay for theirs as part of a deal with the restaurant, that if a certain amount were there and "chose" the £70 meal theirs would be free.

Omg that is outrageous!!! I would have been fuming and they did not deserve a wedding gift.

I also get so annoyed when people don’t send thank you cards. I haven’t been to many weddings over the years but I have been to about 5 where I didn’t get a thank you card and one where we simply got a text!!!

My DH was so eager to get ours sent out and I actually sent everyone who came to the wedding a text in advance of our cards.

I also went to my bf’s husband’s 40th this year and got him a gift and I have never even had a thank you! It’s rude to the highest level x