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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend should have given some consideration to her wedding guests?

183 replies

Googoogoogoogoo · 21/07/2019 13:46

My friend recently got married. She and her DH decided they wanted a “small and intimate” wedding as they don’t have many friends and don’t get along with their families.

My DH and I felt really honoured to be included but after the wedding it was clear she had given no consideration to her guests!

They got married at a registry office and my friend asked if I would pick her up and take her, so she could put some decorations for the reception and other bits in my car. Of course I had no problems with this but when we arrived my friend asked me to park in the nearest car park which is a “long stay” and ended up costing me 25 quid for six hours. She didn’t offer to pay and I felt bad asking her on her wedding day so decided to let it go, but I thought this was super cheeky.

My friend and her DH decided to hold the reception in a function room in a restaurant and sent out invites via FB messenger with a list of menu choices. After the ceremony we get to the reception and my friends father did a speech before dinner is served. He ended his speech with “thank you all for coming, and for contributing to the costs of the meal, I know (friend) and (her husband) have struggled with money so they appreciate it”. Everyone looked a bit confused but it soon became clear that we were to pay for own meals, and the 3 courses we had pre ordered were £70 each! Sad drinks were also not included and had to be paid for ourselves. Me and DH were miffed, we aren’t the richest of people and it cost us £165 to attend my friends wedding. If friend had pre-warned us we could have saved a bit but she didn’t tell anyone we had to pay for ourselves.

Added to this, me and DH clubbed together £100 as a wedding gift for them and we haven’t heard from them since. The wedding was in May and no thank you card or message or anything.

I’m really actually cross about this and wonder if I’m BU. I get that the wedding should be what the bride and groom wants but I think my friend and her DH have been CFs.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/07/2019 15:12

but it was in May ... you need to get over it by now

Perhaps OP didn't post until now because she was still waiting for the thank you which never came?

The only real surprise is that she expected one from people like this ...

Rachelover40 · 21/07/2019 15:18

That is outrageous, I'm completely gobsmacked! Highly embarrassing too.

Were you supposed to pay there and then or send a cheque later?
If the latter, I bet a lot of people didn't! I don't think I would if I was put on the spot like that and I'm far from mean.

I'm surprised the bride's father was actually prepared to say all that, for a start the bride's parents usually shell out for a wedding or at least pay a proportion of the cost, secondly talking about them having a struggle with money is very personal. There were only twenty people there for goodness sake!

Honestly, if people can't afford much in the way of a wedding celebration, why bother at all? They can always have a party at home after the event or a simple buffet at a pub, one drink and then people buying their own.

I can feel some of what you are feeling, op. You couldn't make it.

Juells · 21/07/2019 15:25

Cherrytreesa
See this is why I've started declining wedding invitations now. Even if the meal is covered, here in Ireland you're expected to put at the very minimum, 100e in the card, 200e (if not more) for family...then added to that is the hotel prices if you need to stay and extortionate bar prices...then you have the 'afters' celebration the next day.

Yup. The last but one wedding I went to was somewhere near Kenmare, I drove from Dublin the day before so petrol, lunch on the way, evening meal, hotel. Breakfast not included, so another expense. Wedding at lunch time, so no lunch, then hours of wedding photos while I sat in different hotel, starving. A few nibbles at 5 o'clock, main meal not until 7. Couldn't drink as had to drive back to hotel. The next day the same as the day before wedding, in reverse. Cost a fortune. Nowadays I send something from the list, and stay home.

I went to one wedding since then, which was perfect - the couple had been together for years so didn't want presents, just donation to charity. They provided everything, including lovely picnicy-type food for everyone while the photos were being taken. First wedding I've been to that was enjoyable, and that was because they made it all about the guests' comfort.

Yellowweatherwarning · 21/07/2019 15:30

You def should have cancelled the cheque...

frazzledasarock · 21/07/2019 15:33

@Rainbowknickers how’d you steal their wedding cake? What did you do?

Nautiloid · 21/07/2019 15:34

This is so awful it's almost unbelievable. Cheeky fuckers!

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 21/07/2019 15:34

I'm flabbergasted at the price of the meals alone. £70 for three courses? Maybe I'm dead cheap living "up North" but that's a crazy amount for a restaurant meal. Even the fancier places are about £5-£10 for starter, £20-£25 main and £5-£8 for dessert. What did you order? Kobe beef?

The last wedding DH and I went to cost us £150 gift and £90 accommodation, right before payday so we had £50 for the whole day and night for drinks. If we had been presented with £165 bill there's just no way we would have been able to pay. No money in the bank and no one to borrow from. It was extremely poor form of the B&G to not put prices on the menu choices and to let you know that you were paying.
I would never order anything without knowing how much it costs!!!!

Cornettoninja · 21/07/2019 15:36

I think it would have been fine if they’d been upfront but that must have put a few people in a really awkward situation. I’d balk at suddenly being expected to stump up £140 for me and dp on top of all the other costs that go along with attending a wedding.

Rainbowknickers · 21/07/2019 15:48

Frazzledasarock it was on the bar and I’d had enough of them making snotty comments about me-how I hadn’t made an effort with our outfits (I’d spent nearly a grand over two lots of clothes-it wasn’t me who changed the colour scheme) how my kids had ruined the day (they hadn’t at all my youngest had got a bit cranky and at 18 months old hadn’t wanted to pose for pictures for hours)
How I’d drank the bar dry-I had one Diet Coke that I’d paid for but they claimed they’d paid for all my booze etc
The last straw was when they turned round and told me my presents wasn’t good enough (one was a cross stitch I’d spent months making for them) the other was vouchers that they’d asked for and they told me to take the vouchers back and just ‘give us the money instead’ I don’t steal and normally I wouldn’t have done but I saw red and just picked it up and walked out with it
The kids enjoyed it the next day
Last I heard is my cross stitch had gone in the bin
Stuff em I now refuse to speak to the greedy fuckers

hoolahoolahoop · 21/07/2019 15:49

Yanbu. What terrible terrible people!! I'm still pissed off about not receiving a thank you card from a wedding last July but at least I didn't pay for the meal!!

1forAll74 · 21/07/2019 15:54

Oh dear, that was extremely bad and cheeky wedding day behaviour, and then to post on facebook about the day being lovely. They should have pre warned you about the money issues,and you could have perhaps not gone at all...

They should have perhaps eloped,and got some fish and chips on the way to their honeymoon.!

HorridHenrysNits · 21/07/2019 15:54

I must say, I actually prefer it when people don't bother with thank you cards.

C0untDucku1a · 21/07/2019 15:56

Id have walked to the gift table, opened the card and removed the money.

bridgetreilly · 21/07/2019 15:57

Honestly, I don't think the parking is that big a deal. I wouldn't have expected her to pay for that on her wedding day, though of course it would have been nice of her to offer.

The meals, on the other hand, was super cheeky. If they couldn't afford it, they needed to pick somewhere they could afford.

frazzledasarock · 21/07/2019 15:59

Rainbowknickers good for you. Hope you didn’t pay for the pictures either.

Some people behave so appallingly I would hate to start my married life by upsetting so many close friends anecdotes family.

Socksontheradiator · 21/07/2019 16:01

Appalling! I am so shocked 😲

bellsbuss · 21/07/2019 16:05

£70 a head for a meal in a function room seems a lot, I wonder if it was less and they were trying to make a profit Hmm

BeanBag7 · 21/07/2019 16:12

I wouldnt have worried about the parking if it weren't for the rest of it. Expecting you to pay for your own meal is awful; not warning you in advance is unforgivable!

Now that the dust has cleared I would definitely be contacting them to say how upset and cheated you felt.

Nothingcomesforfree · 21/07/2019 16:13

That’s awful. The worse bit is that the bride and groom have booked an actual “ wedding” reception at £70 a head which has a mark up ito include all the wedding services. The bride and groom could have just have easily picked a non “wedding” menu in a restaurant if they were going to ask you to pay.
I’d ask what they spent the money on as you haven’t received any sort of formal thank you. Then drop them for being CF’s.

Rainbowknickers · 21/07/2019 16:13

Frazzledasarock they tried to Facebook me demanding £150 for these photos
I told them to get stuffed and blocked me
I hear from others that 9 years on they are still as greedy as ever-with their son thrown in now for good measure
I don’t feel guilty for stealing their cake is never steal anything normally but by god I was pushed too far that day

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/07/2019 16:14

I actually prefer it when people don't bother with thank you cards

That's fair enough, but what's wrong with a simple email, a phone call or even just a text? Nobody's suggesting writing in blood on vellum, just so long as some sort of thank you's offered - and with such a small wedding it wouldn't have taken them any time at all

fruitbrewhaha · 21/07/2019 16:19

It's not surprising they only had a small wedding.

They are cunts. There's nothing you can do about it now. So stop dwelling on it.

StripeySocks29 · 21/07/2019 16:27

So rude! They should have made it clear up front that you’d have to pay, when I got to a wedding I usually just have a few notes in my bag, because there’s no point taking my purse because you only usually need money for the evening bar and maybe a taxi so I literally wouldn’t have been able to pay!

As you’re still upset about it now why not send them a message telling them so, you’ve not really got anything to lose as you wouldn’t want to be friends with such cheeky fuckers anyway!

ColaFreezePop · 21/07/2019 16:35

OP think of it as a blessing to get those "friends" out of your lives.

Now you know why they have few friends, and now with their behaviour at their wedding they will have even less.

If they contact you explain that their behaviour was unacceptable and you can no longer be friends with them.

Di11y · 21/07/2019 16:47

I'd have said I put the money to cover the meal in the card