Joint finances / DH has given up work for career change

[1000000Dreams]

DH and I have been married 4 years and have separate bank account with a joint account for bills. We each pay 50% of mortgage, bills, car but I tend to be the one who does food shopping. We pay for our own mobile phone bills, hobbies, any credit cards or loans that are our own, our own cars when we had two cars and he pays child support for his DD from his money.

Anyway DH has now decided he wants a career change which he thinks would mean his earnings might halve or he’d be on minimum wage. In the meantime he has left his current job so I am paying for house, car, food etc from my wage and savings, which is an issue if contention in itself. He says it’s fine as “it’s all one pot”.

Now when he starts working, assuming he earns less, how would you split finances? He might not be able to pay 50%. We share a vehicle now but that was supposed to be temporary. I have suggested to him that if he gets a minimum wage job he might find he has to get the bus to work as he won’t be able to afford a car. I’m sure he’d think I’m “mean” but we probably won’t be working in the same place any more.

AIBU to be annoyed to think he needs to be more responsible and I shouldn’t be left to pay the bulk of the bills even when he goes back to work.

I suppose the fair thing is that we each pay a proportion according to what we earn? So if I earn double then I’ll pay 2/3 of joint expenses and he pays 1/3?

Also this seems to be common as I know at least two other couples in the same situation.

He sounds lazy and selfish putting you under all this stress, I'd be looking to split up if i were you, doesnt sound lile he beings much to the relationship.

Love doesn’t pay the bills, and love doesn’t feed or clothe a child.

Luckily for him, he has the option not to pay towards his child. His ex has to keep working whether or not she hates her job, to put the food on the table for their daughter. He relies on a woman to be responsible.

And luckily for him, he has the option to not pay towards his own housing or food. Because you’re doing that. He relies on another woman to be responsible.

He thinks he’s owed your labour and your money. I couldn’t respect him at all.

OP he sounds a bit thick (using your car as an example ) or VERY selfish. Not attractive. I think you'll look back on this loser and laugh at his idiocy one day. Meanwhile, it's time to get organised and get rid of him!

Please please please stop excusing this looser and his , frankly, disgusting behaviours. Do not stay with him

OP get out now. You deserve so much better, as does his daughter.
It's far easier to get divorced and split the house now than if you have children with this piss taker.

You are still young enough to make a new life, to have kids, to be with somebody who respects you, who contributes, who isn't a self-centred flake.

You say he gets angry and nasty too. Why are you with him?

My DP has spent the last 4 years retraining and he paid a small amount into the joint account from his part time work. Proportional works for us and will still now that he out-earns me.
However, we decided that TOGETHER and set up our mortgage etc in preparation for it first. If you don't make decisions together then you aren't a team. That's the issue, not the money. I think it might be ultimatum time, because how can this work long term?