Small bedroom, bad mum?

[tashakg89]

So I've got a (small)three bed house and ever since I moved in there five years ago I've had horrendous anxiety over the little bedroom, it is 5'11 by 6'9, the second bedroom is fairly small too (9'10 by 7'9) although I'm ok with that size and is plenty big enough for my six year old. My four year old is in the tiny box room and I feel constant guilt and daily anxiety about it. I can't afford to move and won't be doing so for another 4-5 years but I just want to enjoy my house and I can't as I feel like everyone's laughing at me and thinking I'm a bad mum for putting him in a such small bedroom.
I'm constantly on Rightmove too comparing it to other box bedrooms and it really is the smallest one I've ever seen.

What do other people think? Does anyone else have children in tiny bedrooms?

My 13 year old is in the box room, I can only just squeeze a bed into her room and a small chest of drawers, I bought her a mid sleeper but now she’s a little bit too old for it and can’t really fit underneath it so she has no space in her room. I feel bad, she has ASD and could ideally do with sensory equipment in her room but I don’t want to have to move. We live in a council property which I have right to buy on, I am hoping to buy it one day and extend downstairs and dd’s room but realistically I won’t ever be able to afford too.

People live in far worse conditions, lots of kids don’t have their own room or own bed even so I wouldn’t think people are thinking your a mean mum for having a 4 year only in a box room.

If you lived in Japan that would be a normal bedroom size. Decorate it to make the most of its smallest, giving it a cosy den like feeling or a really streamline Japanese style.
You can do a bed on stilts with fairy lights and a play area underneath with tepee-like drapes. Small rooms help DC keep their stuff tidy and allow you to clear out stuff they've outgrown.

I loved my tiny room, it was called the cubbyhole, and it was so comfy, in fact it was my favourite ever bedroom. And our daughter slept in a tiny room, and loved it as well. I never measured it, it was like a ship’s cabin and all subsequent children staying have asked to sleep in it!

My brother had the tiny box room until he left home as our family home was a 3 bed converted into a 4 bed. Never really understood why my dad took the second largest room as a study but there you go!

We both had small rooms actually so we had cabin beds and you could play underneath

My 4 year old shares a room with me! She doesn't even have her own room. Most of her toys are in the living room as that's where she spends most of her time. At some point I may give up the room completely, but for now we are happy sharing. I won't be able to move for at least 3 years.

You have nothing to feel guilty for.

Hahaha I have two children aged seven and ten sharing a room because we only have two bedrooms and in a few months intend on giving them our room and we sleep in the living room floor so they have a room each. Jeez YABVU

Surely the priority is to manage the anxiety? I suspect that even if this thread deals with calming you down on the issue of bedroom size and nice ways of arranging it - I kind of think you will just find something new to be anxious about - because its not really the bedroom that's the issue - its that you can't manage your anxiety.
Rather than spend a fortune on moving house, redecorating - maybe consider some counselling/therapy to learn to manage the anxiety so it doesn't cause these problems that go round and round in your head?

I lived in a box room like that until i was 22.

My youngest was in a room a similar size until we moved when he was 14. His room now is still small and it is in the eves so has sloping ceilings and he is now an adult and 6ft 2 but he copes with it fine.
He has a double bed in the eves, computer chair, l shaped desk with his computers on and at the end of his bed he has a bookcase with tv. His clothing is in my waldrobe and a chest of drawers elsewhere as he would rather have the wall of computers😩but he has literally no floor space at all.

Haha it figured so little in my consciousness that I completely forgot when posting earlier in the thread that after I separated from ex my younger daughter slept with me until she was 14, and the older DD slept in a teenshy tiny room off the kitchen that had probably been a pantry at some stage.

This is definitely anxiety, looking for something to justify the anxious feelings.

In our last house we had both kids in the box room in bunkbeds and used the middle room as a play room. I would really recommend it. Gives far more play space but also created a calm space for sleeping. They are 13 and 9 now and different genders so need their own space but it works so well for younger ones.

Def don’t feel guilty. Some houses we looked at had tiny rooms, it’s fairly standard here. Look at creative storage ideas and Pinterest for small bedrooms. I actually think there is something cozy about small spaces.

If you are not good at planning layouts of furniture try drawing a plan of the room and each piece of furniture to scale on square paper and cutting them out so you can put them in different configurations. Sounds nuts but it’s what I did before moving into my own tiny cottage (which was out of necessity and I was very anxious about). It really helped me realise us and all our stuff would fit fine. I now have measurements of most bits of my house and furniture in a note on my phone so if I am shopping I can check it will fit.

I have a ruthless clear out every autumn too so we only have what we use/need/love to store. I love our little house with its tiny rooms.

I totally understand. We live in a small 3 bed and I would bet our box is smaller than most people's box rooms, it's something like 2x1.8m, it fits a cabin bed (which will not make it out of the house alive!) and chest of drawers only. I do feel guilt, also about the living space we have. It's exasperated by the fact if we had of been patient we could have saved up for something bigger, and now we have to try to sell before we can buy something bigger which is a pain in the arse. We just missed out on a beautiful house because we are struggling to sell our own. I want to move ASAP so they have a childhood home and don't remember moving around too much, but it's out of my control.

It's irrational, it doesn't make us bad parents at all, but I get you!

What a weird thing to think. Why would anyone find it remotely funny that your son has a small room?!

Are your kids both the same sex?

If yes I'd be tempted to stick a bunk bed in the smallest room for sleep only and use the bigger room for wardrobes, desk and playroom.

@drowningincustard
Thank you I know you are right.

@Namechangedonceagain

As in laughing at me for being stupid and buying such a small house with such small bedrooms

One of my children has no bed. I have no bed or bedroom either. It's not great but there are many people with inadequate living space. If you have bought a home that is a fantastic start in my opinion. Don't compare and don't feel bad because you are providing what you can.

@avalanching
Sounds same as my boxroom. Similar situation to us too we could have got somewhere bigger if we'd have waited, and when we bought this I just thought well I can just move in a few years but money wise it's not practical. Oh is going to be on more money (if everything works out) in the next couple of years so makes sense to wait and see what happens but then it might not work out and we will stay and il have a teenager in a shorty bed

After reading everyone's reply's though it's probably not as big a deal as I was thinking it was.

I shared a box room with my sister until I was around 14 and my brother moved out freeing up a larger room. The room was just wide enough for bunk beds (I remember dad had to saw a notch out of the legs at each end for the skirting boards).

It was not a problem at all as we were rarely in our rooms other than to sleep/read and sleepovers weren't really a thing back then, but I can see with modern children it could be more difficult as they get older have more possessions/clothes and want friends over for sleep overs or need somewhere to study.

ds tells me some of his friends have huge houses/bedrooms, but he and his friends loved it more having sleepovers camped out in the living room on mattresses/airbeds and sofas with access to the fridge/big TV etc when there wasn't enough room in his bed room. Think the most we managed to squeeze in was 10 one night!

@Lwmommy
Yes same sex, only 20 months apart. I do wish I'd have had them share just because i think it would be exciting but 18 months ago when we bought them new beds there was no chance Of them sharing as there both just wild and it'd have being a nightmare and now they have calmed down ( a bit) but I can't justify getting rid of two newish beds.

Friend of dd’s shared with his sister on bunk beds in a tiny box room. Not only that, they actually had a third bedroom but the parents used it as an office and junk store! I was gobsmacked.

Having your own room is a good thing if it’s possible, the size of it is secondary to that. I’m in the smallest room now as a single parent - I love it because it’s my own room! I put in floor-to-ceiling shelving and under bed storage, which helps. Really don’t worry.

Easily one of the most ridiculous threads I’ve read. We have 1000s of people sleeping on the streets, families living in one crappy room and you’re wasting energy about the room sizes your kids have?
Only in the last 10 years has the obsession of every child having their own room went mad, the majority of folk over 20 grew up sharing a room.

A bit insensitive really. Surely you realise that lots of people have nowhere to call home or are living in pokey one bed flats etc.

You need to be grateful for what you have.

Is your 4 year old happy in the bedroom ? I bet they are not even bothered . My kids shared a bedroom for years we just didn't have the funds to move untill they were teenagers Ive only 1 at home and we will probably sell because the house will be too big.