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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Small bedroom, bad mum?

263 replies

tashakg89 · 21/07/2019 09:18

So I've got a (small)three bed house and ever since I moved in there five years ago I've had horrendous anxiety over the little bedroom, it is 5'11 by 6'9, the second bedroom is fairly small too (9'10 by 7'9) although I'm ok with that size and is plenty big enough for my six year old. My four year old is in the tiny box room and I feel constant guilt and daily anxiety about it. I can't afford to move and won't be doing so for another 4-5 years but I just want to enjoy my house and I can't as I feel like everyone's laughing at me and thinking I'm a bad mum for putting him in a such small bedroom.
I'm constantly on Rightmove too comparing it to other box bedrooms and it really is the smallest one I've ever seen.

What do other people think? Does anyone else have children in tiny bedrooms?

OP posts:

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Den1se · 22/07/2019 20:17

A friend of mine(in his 80s) was brought up in a 2bedroom cottage(no running water) He was one of 12 children.He is a very successful business man.

Ated · 22/07/2019 20:21

Until I was 8 years old I had a bedroom that was shorter and narrower. It was, however, my bedroom. I played all over the house with my toys, played in my friends' houses, the garden, alleyways roads and fields. After I moved away, my eldest daughter had a wardrobe for a bedroom at one time and as they got older they all shared one small room until we moved and they had their own rooms. If I could afford it I would buy that first house as the memories mean so much to me. It was tiny but it was mine.

Bettybeautiful28 · 22/07/2019 20:47

I hope these posts have been helpful for you. Are there deeper issues for you here? Something about idealising other people’s lives/not feeling good enough. Whatever it is has the room
Become a focus or symbol of something else? Hopefully these posts will give you some peace.

Alpal1 · 22/07/2019 20:52

I was given a choice of rooms as a child and chose the smallest as it was cozy. When I got older I decided to share with my sister the bigger room.
Your child is tiny. The room will feel twice the size for them as it does for you. They probably love their room if you have arranged it to their taste and as they get older you might do what my friend did and get a bunk built with a desk/den underneath.

Pumpkinbell · 22/07/2019 20:54

Stop judging your self you are doing the best you can at this time. Your children are happy and well enjoy stop fussing about space hope not too harsh xx

2eternities · 22/07/2019 20:59

Your worrying for nothing but I totally understand given the amount of shaming mothers have to deal with, society is very materialistic these days and media etc likes to make people feel bad about things so they spend money. Don't let it get to you I had a very small bedroom as a child never bothered me I liked it actually.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 22/07/2019 21:05

Yes of course most people have this issue. In our house it goes, me and dh have the biggest room, 11yr old dd has the middle rooms dh our 7 yr old dd has the small box room. It was the same when I was a child.

Ilfie · 22/07/2019 21:17

I had that same size bedroom (smallest) all my life until I was 16 and sister moved out (she was 7yrs older than me)
It wasn’t a problem really and although it was like being in a cupboard with a bed at least it was my cupboard! My clothes were always in the other 2 bedrooms as I obviously had no storage space.It was fine, don’t beat yourself up over it!

M0RVEN · 22/07/2019 21:21

I feel constant guilt and daily anxiety about it. I can't afford to move and won't be doing so for another 4-5 years but I just want to enjoy my house and I can't as I feel like everyone's laughing at me and thinking I'm a bad mum for putting him in a such small bedroom

You need to talk to your doctor about this OP. It’s not normal to feel like this and you can get help.

BlueSkiesLies · 22/07/2019 21:26

I’d say this is abnormal and disordered thinking. Seek help.

Loki1983 · 22/07/2019 22:06

My kids have bunk beds in our box room, not room for any other furniture whatsoever! It’s cooler to sleep in that room and they have the other bedroom for their play room. If it bothers you so much, let them share a room: nobody is judging you for this

Rosti1981 · 22/07/2019 22:13

My DD has just chosen to move into our box room (we have a four bed including loft conversion, the other bedrooms are small double bedrooms so there were other options). She finds it cosy, I think. She is still in a small child (technically toddler?) bed though, aged 8, so we are going to have to tackle that which is going to squeeze the space. She fits in it still though!

EllenMP · 22/07/2019 22:13

Please do not worry about this for one little minute. Your child will be absolutely fine. I know a boy, friend's son, who is 6'3" now and has always been in a room that small. He is unscarred by it, I assure you.

Jogonandshutup · 22/07/2019 22:17

He is 4, I wouldn’t worry about the size of the room!

loveyou3000 · 22/07/2019 22:19

My sister had the tiny box room, I had a normal sized room and the fourth bedroom was large and a guest room. Rooms were for sleeping and getting dressed in, kitchen was for eating and lounge/playroom were for playing in. We grew up just fine! Please don't worry about it, where I live lots of kids are 2 or 3 to a room, or in very small rooms where one has been divided into 2 by a thin wall. All the kids are very lovely and happy so clearly not too affected by the size of their rooms

nauseous5000 · 22/07/2019 22:26

I was in a position a few years ago where I needed a 2 bed flat for me and DD. Saw an assortment of 1 double 1 box room flats and then aww an amazing house in a lush area that was perfect except it was one small double and one room big enough for a bed and nothing else. Loved the rest of the house but felt guilty to put DD in it. Mum said why didn't I take smaller room which hasn't even occurred to me. We won't need biggest room as single adult...

In end I lost out on location house and ended up in crap location but two double beds and honestly think it was best for us but don't get tied into norms

happinessischocolate · 22/07/2019 22:33

This pisses me off so much....not you OP but the bloody builders who build houses with tiny 3rd bedrooms, why do they do it?they could me so much difference to a house just by making it a few feet bigger and planning the whole house better.

Who ever thinks right my ideal house will have 2 really nice sized bedrooms and then a small bedroom about the same size as the bathroom 🤷‍♀️

Blackpool2 · 22/07/2019 22:45

AIBU to think that people post absolutely ridiculous questions like this just to get affirmation

HippyMama90 · 22/07/2019 23:01

I grew up in a box room from ages 4-18 when I moved out. I had my bed, a very small desk, TV and a small clothes rail because it wasn't big enough for a wardrobe and I LOVED that little room it was my little sanctuary. It's not about the size but what you make of it! And your most definitely not a bad mum for it!!!.

moanyhole · 22/07/2019 23:17

OP maybe get somw help with the anxiety. You know in your heart of hearts that the bedroom is fine. I used to think like that too, het things completely out of perspectuve. I eventually spoke to my GP and lets just say its amazing what one pill a day can do!

M0RVEN · 22/07/2019 23:27

AIBU to think that people post absolutely ridiculous questions like this just to get affirmation

Yes YABU. Some people are troubled by anxiety and irrational thoughts and need understanding and support, not judgement.

Lmcd18 · 22/07/2019 23:28

My kids two rooms are about the same size my DD is 21 months at the minute so room size doesn't matter much at the minute, she is in the smaller room, me an my DH have decided that as the wall between the two rooms is only a stud wall and not a supporting one that we.will knock the wall down move it a bit then rebuild making DD room a bit bigger, not an expensive job to do especially if you know a trades man that can help you out at mates rates! Maybe you could do the same if possible

Streamside · 22/07/2019 23:35

I've a child from Chernobyl taking with me at present and he shares a 2 roomed house with his family of 6. Bit irrelevant of course but a bedroom of any size is a luxury in many parts of the world.

Bouncingbelle · 23/07/2019 01:55

My Ds sleeps in a teeny tiny bedroom (just the width of a cot bed and about 6 foot long). Everybody loves it & comments on it. Its so cosy and calm (toys are elsewhere) and peaceful, we call it his womb

SherbrookeFosterer · 23/07/2019 02:11

Don't be so hard on yourself.

It's not how big your house is, but how much love is in it.

Seriously, be a little kinder to yourself.

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