Small bedroom, bad mum?

[tashakg89]

So I've got a (small)three bed house and ever since I moved in there five years ago I've had horrendous anxiety over the little bedroom, it is 5'11 by 6'9, the second bedroom is fairly small too (9'10 by 7'9) although I'm ok with that size and is plenty big enough for my six year old. My four year old is in the tiny box room and I feel constant guilt and daily anxiety about it. I can't afford to move and won't be doing so for another 4-5 years but I just want to enjoy my house and I can't as I feel like everyone's laughing at me and thinking I'm a bad mum for putting him in a such small bedroom.
I'm constantly on Rightmove too comparing it to other box bedrooms and it really is the smallest one I've ever seen.

What do other people think? Does anyone else have children in tiny bedrooms?

Would you judge someone for having two children in the same room? Because that's 'worse' than a child having their own room, even if it's the box room!

Are a single parent? If so, why not move to the bigger of the box rooms, and let your two share the big main bedroom, and maybe have the tiny room as a computer room/toy storage. I did this as I basically only used my room for sleeping and appreciated DCs used theirs for playing in etc, so I really didn’t mind having a smaller room.

DD and I live in a 3 bedroom house. I've chosen to put DD in the box room because it has a great cupboard inset in the wall over the stairs that provides better storage than I can afford to buy for the second bedroom (which I use as my office).

You're massively overthinking this. Box rooms often end up being lovely if you decorate them nicely and ensure you make use of any storage solutions (shelves high up on the walls out of the way for teddies, ornaments etc.)

I'd do the same as pp have suggested and put them both together. No one will or is judging you and if they are they really need to get a life.

If it's any consolation though, I have an 11yr old and a 3yr old and the 3yr old is in a room even smaller than yours. Nothing bigger than a toddler bed is ever going to fit and my eldest will have a breakdown if she ends up having to share and I'm also worried constantly and ashamed when anyone comes to the house.

My boys like sharing a room- don't see how it is 'worse'. Wish we could just stop judging others and using language like this, like some scale of parenting 'goodness'. Some people are homeless, why not think of that, rather than judging, and being grateful for having a home?

If you want an example of crappy parenting you should meet my exH’s GF whose two children still share a ‘box room’ despite being different sexes and now aged 11 and 7. My DC can’t stay at their home because they were ramming five children into one tiny bedroom with my DC on the floor...

You’re not a bad parent for actually having a third bedroom to accommodate your child.

My dh was in the box room until he left home at 23. It had good storage which helped.

DD and DS1 have the tiny bedrooms in our house. They both have high sleeper beds which helps (DDs has stairs rather than a ladder and a wee play space underneath).

It was the choice between that or DS1 and DS2 sharing and they both chose to have their own rooms when we moved.

My bedroom is the box room, can just fit a double bed in but have to turn sideways to walk down the side. Much better for my DC to have the biggest room to play in.

OP
Have you had a look at Pinterest? Some amazing ideas for small spaces.
Like most others, I don't feel it's a big issue. I was the youngest of 5, so I had to wait until nearly everyone moved out before I got my own space. It had ugly green carpet with a 2" long shag pile to it

Did you grow up kn different circumstances? Perhaps your fantasy of what your childrens childhood is different to your reality?

Doesn't mean that the reality is bad, just sometimes we need to let go of what we wanted for them, and realise that what they have is probably pretty great too.

@IamtheOA
Thanks I have looked in Pinterest and will have another look. I am useless at putting things together. At the moment it has a shortie high sleeper and a tall boy chest of draws. A normal size high sleeper doesn't fit but a normal low down bed will but then he will not have any floor space so went for the shortie high-sleeper.
I grew up in a box room but it was bigger than mine and had a built in wardrobe and would be happy if that's what we had but we don't. I lived there till I was 24.

I was in the box room as a child whilst my parents kept the other bigger room as spare?!?! Didn't bother me, it's just somewhere to sleep

@tashakg89

Have you actually measured it yourself or did you get those measurements from the estate agency details?

What furniture do you have in the room at the moment?

DP shared a box room with his sister until he was 16, when his Dad partitioned off part of the kitchen so he slept next to the Rayburn until he left home at 18. As it was an agricultural building originally, you can't stand upright in it anywhere but the exact middle of the room (as long as you're under 5 foot 8 - anything taller it would be impossible altogether), which is 8 foot across and 7 foot long. He always says it was just as well they're a family of shortarses.

I'm pretty sure my brothers, who had to share into their twenties, would have liked their own rooms at six and four - I know neither I nor my other brother enjoyed sharing when he was 23 and I was 13 - and it was only the two of us after my sister had got married and took her DD with her - she probably would have preferred her own room at 18 with her baby, rather than sharing with a 10 year old brother, a 9 month old half sister and her own newborn.

Real life, isn't it?

We saw many 3 beds with third bedroom so small a normal bed wouldn't get in there - there had beds with legs off or platforms bolted to the wall coming out and no storage.

Most of the families looking to move on the youngest child was much older than yours - rapidly approaching secondary school age.

We now have a four bed - small room has youngest in and has built in wardrobe, chest of draws and a bed - and tiny strip of floor. She's lucky to have her own room frankly though we are looking at mid rise beds so try and give more space.

I seriously doubt anyone thinks anything about it.

By the way I don't judge anyone else on what size bedrooms there children have or anything or children sharing it's just my anxiety and needed a bit of perspective as it's (one of many) an occurring thought/ issue that I worry about so thank you to all the kind responses they really have made me feel tons better.

@gingersausage
Yes it's actually 5,7 width to skirting board (so smaller than what was on floor plan. ) It has a shortie highsleeper bed and a tall boy and a small toy cupboard underneath.

Sorry not 5''7 I think it was 5,9 when I measured it. By 6,9 floor plan was 5,11 by 6,9 so I'd a couple of inches smaller

My 19 yr old is still in the box room, she has always had the smaller room.

My room was that size until I moved out at 18 for university! Stop having middle class angst, it's fine

If you want an example of crappy parenting you should meet my exH’s GF whose two children still share a ‘box room’ despite being different sexes and now aged 11 and 7. How is that crappy parenting? Unless there were other bedrooms available. It’s normal for children to share, even those of opposite sex, in my world.

We've just inherited DH's granny's house and what will be my office was actually his mum's bedroom until she moved out as an adult. It's very small and just fits a single bed and a tiny desk. It has a skinny built-in cupboard and she fitted shelves high up on the walls to get more storage.

So it's not a new "problem"!

Our smallest room is also over the stairs which cut down the useable space even more (sloped wall ). It is the same as the other houses on our street so we have seen some of the solutions other people have come up with to cope with the problems.
The main thing most have done is to have a carpenter in for the day to build in the bed and to construct fitted storage under ,around and alongside the bed . Its marvellous what can be achieved this way.

worrying topic title, if OP convinces herself she's a bad mum for these reasons then she in all likelihood will be because of excessive fretting about trivial things.

millions of kids in this country grow up sharing, any kind of seperate bedrooms is a [very minor] luxury, get over it.

That’s what I was wondering about the skirting boards. My daughter had the box room in our previous house and I actually had to take them off to get the bed in the other way. I think hers was actually even smaller than yours. It’s a bloody pain in the arse isn’t it that they can get away with building houses with such tiny rooms.

Anyway, my daughter was ok in there till we moved when she was 12. She moaned about having a small room, but she’s a moaner anyway, and I told her she could always sleep in the shed if she hated it that much. Have you got space on the landing for an extra chest of drawers or bookshelf? That’s what we did.

I’m glad you realise that it’s your anxiety that’s messing with your head, and no one is measuring your parenting by your floor space. Try and find another hobby to wean yourself off Rightmove. Small room plans on Houzz will give you ideas to dream about 🤣. And please see your GP if your anxiety is interfering with your life to this degree.