To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Be cool from now on. Nasty shites. Dont leave the group but dont respond to anything either

Shower of cunts, don’t contribute to any more presents for any of them.

@Mammyloveswine

I am hoping that you WERE invited and you missed it!

Otherwise, fuck me that's awful.

I think I would just flat-out ask (on Monday) what happened, and why you were excluded. Come in from a 'hurt and confused' angle. I mean you ARE after all!!!

Don't just withdraw, and pull yourself from the whatsapp group. Fuck that. ASK the 'birthday girl!' ASK her why you were excluded!

Your message was perfect. I'd never mention it again and just distance myself.

They’re counting on you not mentioning it.

Good question Loopy. Are you OP?
And I can’t get over the message thanking you for being a good friend. I can’t see how it connects with what’s happened?

She can't have been invited and missed it, she asked two of them what they were doing at the weekend and they said nothing much. That obviously wouldn't be the reply if they thought she was going too, it's the most horrible feeling.

What a shame op. I'd be really hurt too
Have a lovely evening with your DH and a nice lunch with your friend.

Not head of the time although I have been there the longest but I'm certainly not bossy in any way! I'd be a crap boss if I'm being honest as I hate having to tell people what to do!

Bunch of pricks.

That is awful Mammyloves wine, I would be really hurt and upset by that especially seeing it on Whatsapp.
But, in the nicest possible way I think you have let them off far too lightly.Your message is too light hearted, sounds like you're not bothered .
Might just be me, but I would want them to know how upset I was, unless of course it's an oversight.
Be cool on Monday.

I would have to ask the birthday girl why I wasn't invited

Mean .

Your message was perfect. I hope they have the grace to feel slightly awkward on Monday.

Birthday girl clearly doesn't like you. Is there any obvious reason why not?

I was uninvited to a colleagues birthday night out.

What makes it worse is we'd been friends for almost 20 years and I'd got her the job.

What makes it even worse, is through the job she made friends with someone who'd worked at the same organisation but had left before she started. I used to be really friendly with ex colleague but she'd ghosted me (and only me!) after she left. Friend had uninvited me in favour of ex colleague.

What makes it EVEN WORSE is ex colleague didn't even turn up...

People are horrible. I'm sorry you've been hurt too. Don't waste your energy on people thar don't value your friendship. There will be plenty of other people will want you to come to their birthday nights out.

Is there a chance she thought you knew about it and assumed you were invited? Mix ups happen. Hopefully you weren’t intentionally missed out

Similar happened in my office recently, one team all took a day off to do a hobby type thing - supposedly a close team but never invited one member. They must have been arranging it over some weeks but none of them mentioned a word! Left out guy only found out about it when he came in to discover the rest of his team had booked the day off! Not only was one guy left out without obvious reason he was left carrying the can for the whole teams absence that day, fielding their calls etc. The rest of the department are looking at that team with fresh eyes I can tell you, so if anyone in your wider team mention it dont be embarrassed to say you simply weren't invited.

Have any of them replied to your message?
It's shitty when you consider yourself a friend.

When I was hosting an event I gave invites to the girls in the office except one who had made it pretty clear in the past that she didn't like me. Maybe it was mean of me not to invite her but I took the view that I had to stand my ground and that inviting her would mean I was being a mug.

Similar thing happened with an event I was planning. I was PA to one of the directors who was retiring after almost 40 years with the company. I organised his leaving meal/drinks but left individual department invites to their pa’s. I didn’t realised that one of the pa’s had invited the whole team apart from one lady. I think there were some personal issues there. Poor lady didn’t find out until the next day and, for a while, thought it was because of me. I was so upset and set her straight. I still feel bad about it. She had to see all of our pics and stuff on Facebook knowing she wasn’t invited

Sorry to hear that, OP. People can be dicks.
I think I’d have to say something on Monday to the one you’re most friendly with. Along the lines of, hope you had a good night on Saturday. I didn’t realise the whole team except me had been invited? And see where the conversation led.
Sometimes it’s important to call people out on unkind behaviour. No, they don’t have to invite you per se, but it does force that person to think about what it feels like to be the person who was left out and perhaps think about that the next time they host a night out.

So sorry OP, this sucks. Your response is very classy though.

It happened to me at work, it was awful. Just distance yourself and focus on your real friends.

I know people will say it's their choice and blah blah but I feel for you, really do.

It properly sucks when you get excluded as an adult for whatever reason.

💐 bastards.

Unbelievable! I'm afraid it doesn't sound like a mistake sadly as surely they'd be ringing to find out where you were?? I invited a couple of colleagues I wasn't so keen on to my wedding reception but as I was inviting the whole office (considerably more than 6 people) there was no way I'd leave them out!

Regarding putting picture on the WhatsApp group, I bet there was a separate group set up just for the party and someone accidentally posted in the wrong chat as I don't believe they could actually be THAT cruel surely?!?

I would have to ask on Monday. Not in a confrontational way, just genuinely wanting to know what happened.

If it was a misunderstanding you will find out and they will have a chance to explain.

If they excluded you deliberately they will have to face the consequences - you are hurt and their meanness will have changed the dynamics in your workplace. People who do horrible things shouldn't be allowed to get away with it like nothing had happened. Why should you suck it up? You have done nothing wrong. I believe when confronted they will show their true colours - you will see if this was the work of one or many, who is defiant and who is mortified and apologetic etc.

If you ask them directly you will know where you are standing.