To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

I suggest you add up the rest of the year how much you have saved not contributing to any cow's collections and treat yourself to something special!

Currently now off work on AL so having a nice chill and time with my family.

I feel so much better and focussed on what's important. Have even asked to speak to my manager on my return for some extra training/responsibility to further my career so I've got something positive to focus on at work.

I'm just going to not think about that place when I'm not there!

Thank you again for all being supportive and helping me to see sense!

Enjoy your holiday op. Have a lovely time being off

Mammyloveswine You sound fabulous! I love the dignified calm way you’ve handled this having been so shabbily treated. What an absolute shower.

I would exit the WhatsApp group if I were you. I belong to a work one and I’m trying to figure out a way of leaving surreptitiously because it’s dinging away all the blimmin time.

In your case though the sharp message that comes up ‘Mammy has left the group’ would be a nice punctuation mark on the whole sorry episode and hopefully will make them think a bit. Sod em all👍

Completely agree with medalmedalmedal regarding leaving the WhatsApp group.

In total awe of you. Imagine their faces when they get the update that you've left the group. It's really just like saying that you're not buying their excuses and backtracking. Enjoy your break and let the covern stew.

Enjoy the break off. I haven't rtft, I am sorry this happened to you.
It is their loss I would never do this.

So pleased you got through the situation with your head held high .
Respect !

I don't know, I don't think I'd leave the WhatsApp group as it gives them ammunition to say you're being arsey. Better just mute it if you don't want to engage for a bit - they won't know. You can mute individual groups which is very useful!

'G'wan the OP 👏🏻.

Once again, echoing everyone else's points ... you are brilliant OP. Calm, assertive, dignified - definitely going to model myself on this when I feel aggrieved in future. It's clear you've made your point effectively, and your approach, addressing it without letting it consume you, is commendable.

Enjoy your leave.

Well done OP! good on you . . .

i've had a similar thing happen to me this week

I have several friends i see regularly and who i always invite whenever i plan to go anywhere 'big', and they always ask me to organise the meet ups as i'm so good at it (the mug!)

turns out most of them went out somewhere 'big' last weekend that needed to be organised months in advance . . .
and the worst bit? 1 of them even asked me to do their childcare and i agreed . . . only found out why they needed help when i saw the photos on social media :-(

@blah1blah2blah3blah4 oh my god!!!

Please tell me you confronted them. Especially that CF!!!

@blah1blah1 thats incredulous!!! What honestly goes through these "friends" head's???

Bugger me Blah...

Someone tried that on me blah. A group of our friends were going to a beer festival, I actually knew about it and didn't fancy it much but one woman in the group didn't know I knew and was being all weird and secretive about it, then she asked me to watch her (very annoying) dc for the whole weekend. Her face was a picture when I replied "yeah beer festivals aren't very child friendly, are they?" She ended up taking them with her and having a shit time because her (very annoying) dc wound everyone up so much.

Ah OP, Ive been there; you think you have a level of friendship with someone then they do something like this. The realisation that they maybe dont value the friendship as much as you do (did!) is hurtful. However what is also very telling is that they dont have the sense to see that it would be hurtful. Anyone who can be that insensitive isnt really worth having as a friend.

manny your behaviour should have the hashtag #maturitygoals. You've handled the situation brilliantly.

Sounds like the BG realised she messed up, and has at least had the decency to talk to you about it and apologise properly, even if the mistake she made was entirely avoidable and demonstrates her own lack of maturity. It would irreparably damage my relationship with her I think- but glad it's been addressed amicably.

So sad to hear that there are so many similar stories around! for you all x

Many years ago, I worked at an exchange bureau where we had a good relationship. With everyone, we would organise dinners from time to time in each others houses etc, drinks out..then one of the guys there announced he was leaving. On his last day a colleague and I made a point of staying on to say goodbye to him and good luck. had always enjoyed his company and conversations. Well, when we had said our farewells and good luck he just came out with: well I on the other hand won't be missing you a bit, you are are pair of stupid idiots, or words to that effect. We didn't see it coming, gobsmacked. I just said, well I enjoyed our conversations and have always liked you. And am baffled why you would go to dinner to the homes of people you dislike so much. And left. Wouldn't give him the pleasure of being as rude as him.

I haven't confronted the 3 friends. I feel like if I do, they'll somehow turn it around and excuse it.

I know one of the husbands well and mentioned to him how I now know.
He just said he had no idea and that his wife had agreed when one of the other wives put the idea out there.
He said he agreed, DH and I always invite everyone and he had no idea why we'd been left out.

So caught up with another friend 5th if the 5. She was also left out. She asked one of the other wives and she excused it saying her husband booked it!

Think it just shows they did it under the table, kept it under wraps and are embarrassed by their own behaviour

blah that's disgusting I hope they're ex friends now.

Ellie good for you. CF or what!

Something similar happened to me Ellie. My friend asked me to go on a girls day out in a town about 100 miles from where we lived. I thought about it and decided not to go as my partner would have had to look after DS as well as taking his elderly mum shopping.
When I told her I wasn’t going she said Oh could you look after my 2 DCs to give my husband a break as it will be a long day for him to have them

You said no, right?

@Thistimetomorrow that’s hilarious!! What a CF