To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

I’d ask them on Monday about their night out, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to stop myself saying “why wasn’t I invited” at some point. Put them on the spot, see what excuses they come up with.

I worked in a small office of only 6 people where I realised the others were socialising outside work and not telling me.
I ended up leaving as it felt unpleasant .
This situation sounds spiteful and by excluding you, feels like bullying.

I'd have to ask what happened. Otherwise resentment would build up.
At least if bitchiness was the reason they'll have to admit it out loud and see for themselves who they are.

Arseholes. I couldn't be as held together as you to be honest, I would have made a shitty comment, flounced out the group there and then and then be a nob to them all on Monday.
Enjoy the vodka, and your lunch tomorrow and keep your head up

That's not mean, its bl**dy cruel

Another one wanting to know if they've replied to your message yet @Mammyloveswine ?

I'm really hoping for your sake that they just happened to bump into the other two...I'm so sorry, it's so mean and I'd be so upset in the same position 😢

A message off one to say they were heading home as had been on it all day... that's it. Nothing off birthday girl. Nobody else (including person who sent pic) has messaged. Lots of "had a fab time" fb updates though. Shocked at the spitefulness.

I can't believe grown adults could be this spiteful? I'd have to confront them I'm afraid. Just to see them squirm if I'm honest.

That's so cruel OP
Its not even thoughtless it's just so very mean

That’s so spiteful. I would pull back in terms of being friendly. Be professional only. Fuck them.

In what way have you been a good friend to her lately?

How old is she compared to you?

There's got to have been a reason for this.

That's really bad manners! What were they thinking posting it to a group page, knowing you would see it? YANBU

Ponoka why has there got to be a reason? Sadly, some people never really grow up and leave the playground.

That's horrible :( I think your message was perfect and I hope it was some kind of misunderstanding.
Something similar happened to me at work - a group of us all often have lunch together and they were all openly discussing a night out they'd planned via WhatsApp. It was a group I wasn't on and I knew nothing about the night out so I asked what they were talking about and why I wasn't invited. Turns out they'd invited my ex-h because he'd been sitting with them when they were first discussing the night out (We work together but I work part time so wasn't there that day) and felt they had to invite him but they'd rather have invited me!

OP could you stick a passive aggressive comment on one of their poxy fb updates?

@Ponoka7 I've just listened and supported her when she was having some issues, helped her with her work etc. Just what friends do I thought.

I think with no back story then yes that really is unkind.
Very thoughtless and seems quite snidey if no one mentioned it whilst discussing weekend plans.
Sorry you have been made to feel this way, try not to let it ruin your weekend.
I'd make it clear on Monday you know they all went out and celebrated and try to find some sort of explanation.

That’s nasty OP, I think I’d have to say something on Monday in a bemused tone like ‘so, how was it that I didn’t get an invite?”

That’s really shit of them OP, really shit. But it’s on them and I hope they feel thoroughly ashamed. They are worse than kids in the playground.

I invited someone who bullied me at work to my wedding because I could not leave just one person out, it’s just not in me to be that mean. She didn’t come anyway.

You have the moral high ground here, because you recognise that it was wrong. I liked your reply, they are not worth your time anymore. With your interactions on Monday make sure they know they are childish whilst keeping your held held high and maintaining professionalism. Wankers, the lot of them and you deserve better. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.

A colleague did this with her wedding. She invited everybody but one. Worse part was she was actually line managing part of the team at the time. She gave some flaky reason for it, something about the colleague being a bit judgemental in the past but this really wasn't true. Everyone turned down the invitation in support of the left out colleague.

That's really nasty of them, OP. I´d be tempted to think they can all fuck off from now on and keep to myself at work from now on.

Shameful behaviour. I’m so sorry for you. You sound lovely. I’d struggle to rise above it and would definitely be cool

I'd be inclined to leave the Watts app group, you don't need the rest of the weekend of them going over it. Sorry OP, it's crap

Leaving the group would be the right thing to do but that would make it even more awkward on Monday. They are shits though tbh to do this

It could be possible that the two new people invited themselves after finding out about the party last minute maybe. I suppose there's no way to know how the invitations were extended.

Someone did something like this at my work once. I refused the invite since joining in to exclude someone else is bullying in my book. I suppose in that situation I knew what they were doing, it was an outlook calendar invite to about 49 people of a 50 people department.