To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

I’d be petty and say ‘looked like you all had fun over the weekend, do tell me all about it!’ on Monday. Make it awkward as hell. They have been so rude.

That’s really shitty behaviour. She’s not your friend. She’s nasty. Ask her why.. you won’t feel worse

Is it possible you’ve missed the invite on the group chat? Seems really strange that they wouldn’t mention or invite you if you all chat daily? How do you think it’s been arranged has the group chat been quiet lately? Sorry they’ve made you feel so rubbish agree to rethink the relationship and possibly look for another job if being friends is important to you xx

So sorry OP - that's really cruel. I'd have to pull them up about it at some point. Be kind to yourself.

That’s really shit. I would be rather cool on Monday and tbh have been in this situation and did say something-think I just said that I was really hurt to have been excluded in such a manner and thought it was unkind. I then left it and have continued to be courteous but no longer friends

That’s so out of order op I’m so sorry that’s really shitty of them all :(

Rude, thoughtless, mean behaviour. Why are people so shit sometimes?

Oh that’s awful! How hurtful for you.

Well yes she can invite who she likes, but in a group of 30, even if she isn't that close to you, she could have invited you to avoid you feeling like this. But the worst person is the one who put the photo in the group chat... That was putting the knife in and twisting it

I'm just surprised as there has been no indication that I'm not well liked, no frostiness that I've noticed etc. I'm socially aware, I don't get embarrassingly drunk, neither do I sit and judge. In fact I'm supposed to be going on an all day drinking day out with everyone for one of the newer colleagues birthdays next month. Have paid my train fare and put money in the pot for drinks. Don't want to go now.

Eeeeh thanks everyone. Think I'll pour a large vodka and tonic (have no wine in!) and snuggle up with DH and watch a film! Maybe mean girls

We can't presume everybody knew necessarily.

I'd be so upset too OP. Happened to me once, everyone invited to a BBQ except me and DH, so odd, pics on bloody fb from everyone etc. 3 years ago now but it still stings. I'm still friends with them all, even asked a couple of them who I'm close to - they admitted that they'd said to each other it was really strange that we weren't invited. I still don't know why to this day.... Hugs xx

Sorry meant to add, they didn't know why we hadn't been invited either, one of them was going to ask but I would have been too mortified.

there are 6 in the team
why 30?

ah well, it happens, ALL the time in Life.
you are going to the next event. Enjoy it

Thats awful op.makes them seem really mean.At least you know where you stand now.If you do all the collections for birthdays and stuff.I would stop.

And if your invite got lost[ha] im sure somebody would have asked you anyway.

Terrible. I’d be on there with “Gosh, was everyone invited except me?”

I feel for you OP. Surely as mix up?

I'm not sure I could say nothing tbh. Even, "Don't you all look nice".

@EleanorReally other friends and family. I knew the get together was happening but it just stings that the rest of the team are all there and I wasn't invited. Especially as half never mentioned it.

But as you say, c'est la vie!

I would quote her comment about friendship back to her in a message and say "Was there a reason, then, why I wasn't invited tonight?"

Or is there anyone you're particularly friendly with in the group that went who could tell you what the hell's going on?

I agree with @CatInADoghouse I’d remove myself from the group after that photo so they’ll know you are upset then be super cool towards them at work. Nothing more than hi and purely professional conversation with minimum interaction.

If one of them asks you/confronts you say why.

Very spiteful way to behave especially after messaging you yesterday!!

@AppleDump I replied saying "ooh have a lovely night! I'm in my pjs but will have a wine and toast the birthday girl! Jealous of you party animals out having fun!" Hopefully that will get the message across that I'm acutely aware I've been excluded.

I'd comment on the photos 'looks fun, pity I wasn't invited'. Spoil there fun, they will be embarrassed on Monday. But then I can be harsh.

Is there any chance that they thought that you had been invited but were skipped in error. If these things are normally set up on WhatsApp then maybe not and another group was set up. This sucks OP.

See if anything is said in front of you on Monday.

I’d reply to the photo ‘looks like fun, but not sure you meant to send it to me in the circumstances?’
Horrible, OP. You can’t choose what happens, but you can choose how you react.