To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Oh really @HollowTalk ? It makes me a bit sad to think this is common. I couldn't exclude one person, even if i actively disliked them I'd feel mean.

That’s awful. Horrible for you OP. People can be such arseholes.

Enjoy lunch with your real friend and civil but boundaried with the work non-friends all the way.

Wankers.

I would stop with any birthday gift /contributions etc. They aren't worth your hard earned cash.

They are mean to do this and its going to be really awkward at work now!

It happens with depressing regularity. It's hard to believe whole groups of people can be so awful and yet present themselves as friends.

That is pig ignorant.
Bunch of knobs.

Your message was perfect. Just keep it professional now and let them feel the shame. Dicks.

Wait! Have you recently changed phones? The same thing happened to a group of us - all going out, no sign of X, rang X only to find they thought they'd been left out as they hadn't heard about it. We were adamant they had been added to the WhatsApp group.

It turned out that a larger WhatsApp chat had been created for the event but the organiser had added the previous phone number linked to her WhatsApp, not her current one.

We were all upset. But it was all a big mistake.. Thankfully she accepted that and we all moved on (mortified).

I'd remove myself from the chat, and be very very cool and distant with them from now on.

That's really cruel to be honest - they simply aren't nice people and so not worthy of a place in your life

I’m sorry, OP. This sort of thing is horrible. Considering there were around 30 people there, she really should have invited you even if she really disliked you considering your colleagues all were.

That's really cruel and seems deliberate. I would cool it with them if possible. I've seen similar on here several times, from posters who sound lovely. I think some people just enjoy the power of playing mind games on others.

Bear in mind it may be only birthday girl who was being a bitch - the other team members might have thought it was odd you weren't invited but not known what to say. Especially the ones new to the team - they probably wouldn't have felt comfortable saying anything.

Anyway I bet it's nothing bad about you. It's completely shitty though

Really unkind - sorry OP :(

Did anyone reply yet?

Really nasty

I think it sounds like a mistake. It they excluded you deliberately, they wouldn't have whatsapped surely?

Complete bunch of arses!! Take husband up
On offer ( and lots
Of brownie points to him to) aI would leave WhatsApp group too and treat them as colleagues without the bonus of arranging nice things as a friend ... that you have done

The Others have said nothing because they are embarrassed most likely but it’s so
So rude x

HAVE YOU CHANGED NUMBERS IN RECENT YEARS?
See my example above for a v similar case on a new WhatsApp group which was an absolute mistake.

I saw the title and just assumed this was some childish classroom drama. But these are adults?!

Honestly op. They're missing out. You sound awesome. Whereas they all come across fucking mean frankly!

Your message was perfect. Your dh is lovely for wanting to help too. Have a lovely lunch tomorrow. I agree be cool but professional on Monday. They don't deserve you!

I hate this kind of shit op, there's absolutely no need to exclude 1 person from an event.
Whenever you read the posts about kids birthday parties, the general consensus is invite all or invite half (ish) but never exclude just one person as it's unkind. Same rules apply for adults imo!
What a bunch of bitches!!

@W0rriedMum She asked people what they where doing for the weekend and some of them said nothing.

They also share a WhatsAp[ group and shes in it

I'd take the birthday girl to one side and ask her why I was the only one not invited, and how hurt I felt when I saw the photos. Don't let her get away with it.

Happened to me with playgroup mums LOL . Hateful lot, who I thought were friends.
She’s jealous of you, and so has excluded you, to make others do the same.
You have self respect and integrity, and they age none. Good luck at work, some of them will feel ashamed I’m sure.

they have none

Thats awful. Id hope its a misunderstanding though and maybe they bumped into them?

Are you the head of the team by any chance?