To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Most people with a healthy sense of self esteem aren’t quite so self effacing, JillSandwich. Meekly accepting that “they’d have a better time without me there”...
Most adults accept that there are certain social graces expected of them too, and it’s really not on to treat others this way.

Any update today OP? Hope it hasn't been awkward

Gang of Shits
Bunch of Dicks
Nasty Wagons

I love these new collective nouns!

I really can't understand how people can be so nasty, deliberately omitting someone from a work do (where everyone else is invited) is tantamount to workplace bullying. I'm glad you made them confront their grotbag behaviour OP.

Och OP, that is really and truly crap. So sorry

Handled that perfectly OP! I also think they're the bunch of dicks who are missing out on your friendship 🤷‍♀️

Oh OP. I really hoped that this was some sort of misunderstanding.

That BG is a right bitch.

Well done on stating your feelings! So proud of you (even though i don’t know you IRL)

Hi
Everyone! Today was ok, I had a message last night from BG apologising for not inviting me and saying the newbies just invited themselves along but I asked why then she didn't ask me... she said there were only so many places etc.

I said I understood that but she could accommodate the 2 newbies why not me?? I said I was I hurt and she apologised profusely.

Everyone else has been ok and pretty much normal today.

BGs “story” is insulting to say the least! Are you supposed to believe that she’s such a shrinking violet that she bowed down to two colleagues inviting themselves along? Nonsense!

Furthermore, if the 2 said colleagues are brazen enough to invite themselves along why did they clam up last Friday and claim to not have any weekend plans?

BGs been outed as a bitch and she seriously lacks imagination if that’s the best excuses she has!

Yes, sounds like a crock of shite to me.

BG just said "eeeeh you should've just come along!"

Oh yeah! Like you could've done that when she's specifically said "For family and close friends"

Cow. She's regretting it now. It IS possible those new women DID push in but if I'd been in her situation I'd have thought "Gosh....better just open it up and make sure everyone comes"

Furthermore, if the 2 said colleagues are brazen enough to invite themselves along why did they clam up last Friday and claim to not have any weekend plans?

And they clearly knew about it beforehand.

she said there were only so many places etc.

But didn't she say yesterday that you should've just come along?

She obviously didn't want you there.

I say that not to be unkind, but to encourage you to step well back from someone who really, really doesn't see you as a friend.

You've handled this very magnanimously OP

You have indeed. But you have the measure of her now, don’t let her (or any of them) do this to you again.

all her bullshit doesnt explain how everyone else but you knew about it happening and what time it was happening and where it was happening, AND, why no one spoke about it in the office before it happened or why the new girls were evasive about their plans... shes just trying to get out of that huge ass holes she dug herself into

That’s awesome OP! Go you! Love how you handled it. You sound like and amazing person. Screw those idiots!!

she said there were only so many places etc.

But didn't she say yesterday that you should've just come along?*
This! And did the sash fairy turn up for them magically?!

Gosh op your my hero.
Good on you for not letting her make excuses and get away with it.

I smell bullshit and hasty backtracking-you’re handling it amazingly well and I would remain the cool cucumber you are! She’s obviously just understanding that she has committed a major social faux pas and that she was a bitch so is now being a weasel. Don’t trust a word she says.

Unfortunately her different stories don't add up as everyone else has pointed out.

Still you know where you stand with her now.

She's a bitch, doesn't really like you or consider you a friend and thinks you are and idiot on top of that to buy her different stories.

Yep... what previous couple of posters said. I think we’ve identified the source.

Aww OP I’ve just read this thread. What an awful way to have been treated. I hope that I would respond as honestly and dignified as you did if I were to ever find myself in a similar situation. I get on well with my colleagues and would be really upset if a similar thing happened. Hope you’re feeling ok now. Well done x

Bleurgh. She's only backtracking now as she's realised what a bitch this makes her look and I bet everyone's squirming at being in on it.

She's a bitch. And a stupid one at that.

You're being amazing. Cool as a cucumber.

Swiss cheese. Full of holes.

She’s talking bullshit OP!