To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

I'm very impressed with your response OP! Very well played🥇

BG has the hide of a rhino! Well done op, beautifully handled.

Oh, if only I could be this calm and dignified. I'm just useless at saying anything. I would have gone red in the face or teared up and made a tit of myself! You have handled yourself brilliantly!

Well done op, perfectly handled with grace and dignity. They all realise they’ve been shit people.

BG just said "eeeeh you should've just come along

Yes i would have,had i known about it.

They are really missing out not being friends with you, you handled that perfectly. Feel proud of yourself and sorry for them. (Wankers)

Well bloody done. Just incredible. I'm so in awe of your calmness.

They can't even own it can they. What a bunch of numpties.

They don't deserve you. You rock!

That is a fantastic response, well done.

Well done top marks for response

What a bunch of twats! Bet it was fab watching them squirm!

Good response OP. My work group WhatsApp message got too much out of work and as I only used WhatsApp for this reason, I just deleted the WhatsApp icon. I'm aware I could have muted and archived but the thread still comes up when a new message is sent. Didn't want to flounce and leave the group either.
I'd leave it at that, stop organising birthday collections, don't go on any nights out with them and keep it just professional at work.

Massive well done OP! 👍 I’m in awe of your dignity and pointing out their twattiness so calmly.

I’m lucky at work as my colleagues are fab. We’re a very small charity and either we all go out together or nobody goes.

However at DS2’s infant school a few years ago there was a horrendous ‘mummy clique’ who were parent reps, took over the entire PTA etc etc. The leader of the mummy clique got married and invited virtually everyone in the entire village to her huge frothy wedding (white horses wearing pink feathers etc etc). So many families were invited that it almost seemed like she’d hand-picked those of us who weren’t invited to not come. I had no particular desire to go to her big show of overblown frilliness, but it caused a bit of an uncomfortable playground divide for months. We left the school shortly after that and all the parents we know now are lovely!

Well done OP, brilliantly handled

So they did do it intentionally,how verry verrrry mean but you are a lucky girl to know what they are like and you handled it very wellto you and.I have experienced this myself and it's horrible

Well done op! That's so nasty of them. I'd mute the WhatsApp group personally and skip the next birthday.

I’m totally impressed with you OP. I know some people on here are advising you to break off your friendliness to your colleagues, but I would say just carry on being your friendly, lovely self, don’t let them make you someone you are not. Also, it maybe that some of your colleagues didn’t know you hadn’t been invited, so really weren’t part of it, maybe that is why someone posted on the work WhatsApp chat?

She's shown her true colours there op
Excellently handled by you

I've been watching this thread all weekend OP and want to add that the way you handled the situation and the dragons you work with was brilliant.
Adult bullying is just the worst and I can't stand people being treated unfairly - kudos to how dignified you've been, I probably would have lost my temper then cried (angry tears)!

Well done op

Just came back on to see what had happened and I am in awe at how amazingly you handled the situation OP. That was incredibly brave. I'm so sorry about what has happened but you have all of our respect and admiration.

Woah! OP. How classy. Well done!

Bet they feel totally shitty now, as well they should.

Bravo!

Ah thank you everyone! I'm having a large gin to celebrate!

The rest of the afternoon was ok, everyone was quite quiet and just got on with their day. A few tried to chat and I was friendly and responded but not like I normally would.

I think it will be slightly awkward for a while but I know that's not my fault. I've muted WhatsApp and am actually taking a social media break for a few weeks.

I still feel crap about the whole situation but it just goes to show you never really know anyone as well as you think you do, which is a shame but is a lesson learned.

I'm just grateful that I have a supportive husband, 2 very lovely children and a fabulous bunch of real friends who I can rely on to love me for me!

I'm overwhelmed with all the support from Mumsnet too, it has been heartening to read and also makes me angry that others have experienced similar!

You sound ACE. Well done! We’ve all been there one way or another, this is why you’ve had such a supportive thread! Head held high and all that!
I always say to my kids, this is a lesson. On how you never want to be.

If it is awkward in work you just need to remind yourself that this is their doing and not yours. If they feel awkward that is their problem. They didn't need to cause this situation.

Also well done OP. You were fab today.

Good for you mammyloveswine
You sound like a lovely person