To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Well done @mammyloveswine!

There will be one shitty ringleader (BG) and the others are gutless for joining in. The one who quietly apologised is just as bad as the others.

Now you know what they are like. It will happen to other group members over time, but not you.

I had similar thing, Facebook photo of all female team members but me at a baby shower "out with all the BEST people from work". At that point I deactivated social media and made sure my working relationships were strictly professional.

Well done OP! As my son would say handled like a pro

Very well played @Mammyloveswine . Good for you. I hope they all spent the rest of the day feeling like a bunch of twats, although by the sounds of it BG doesn't give a FF.

At least you know where you stand and can act accordingly. for you x

Delighted to read your update OP you did great today! I hope they feel ashamed of themselves

Well done OP. These things happen to all of us one time or another and you have handled it brilliantly. It's a hard old world sometimes so be grateful for the people in your life you love and by whom you're loved. That's all that matters really...

That was a classy response Mammy.

Cheers

Enjoy the gin. Well deserved!

That was a fine response. applause

Sorry you work with gobshites though.

Wow - I’m so impressed with your dignity, honesty and courage!

Well done Op - totally agree, focus on those who love you and who you love.

you could have joined us etc

Even if you were the sort to just rock up in the middle of a night out without an invite, how could you have done that if the first you had heard about the night out was seeing the photo of them all already out?? As if it wasn't hurtful enough, they were trying to turn it around and place the blame for the fact you were excluded on you.

I know you probably want to put all this behind you but did anyone provide you with any kind of explanation as to why you were completely excluded?

Wow! Just wow! Well done you. I thought I'd come back to this and find out it was a genuine mistake.

It appears not.

You sound amazing.

How you kept your cool I don't know.
Bullying bitches!

Hope something changes for you soon.

Hold your head up high!

You should be proud! MNET has your back!!!

Kudos mammy, brilliantly handled! Sounds like they need you more than you need them professionally.

Are you older than them and/or only one married with kids? Regardless, no excuse for excluding you but wondering why the birthday girl differentiates you from the others. Their loss ultimately as it sounds like you’ve been a lovely colleague and would go out of your way for them and they’ve taken that for granted.

Wow! I could learn a lot from you! Have been Mean Girlsed by my friendship group and am really very hurt. I haven’t been PA about it, I have told those whom I have run into that I find the playing dumb about it all thing pretty insulting, but if that’s what they need to do to look me in the eye, then they can go right ahead.

Hats off to you Mammy! You handled that with dignity and class. If those immature coworkers of yours didnt learn a thing at least they now know what a real LADY acts like.

Well done! You handled it brilliantly.
I would hope your co-workers are feeling bad but I doubt they are if they thought this was ok.
You can hold your head high though!

Sorry to derail but @CasanovaFrankenstein has just made me spit my coffee out with gobshites! Such a fab description. So sorry for you op, it's just nasty. Keep your head held high and be your usual lovely self.

Hope everything goes well today

Sorry @olbndansmummy! Hope you weren't wearing a white top 😆.

Fingers crossed for today!

@CasanovaFrankenstein fortunately not! I love that word, so descriptive and everybody knows what it means!
Op I really hope today is a bit easier for you, and the heat doesn't fray any tempers!

How's it been today, OP?

Top job! Handled with dignity.

Honestly i think the only one who did anything "wrong" was the one who posted the pic in the group chat.
It was her birthday to invite who she wanted, and for whatever reason she didn't want you there. She shouldn't have to apologise for that or explain herself. She wasn't the one who rubbed it in your face by posting a picture of them all together in your works group chat.
She wanted a fun party night, maybe she would have felt awkward or struggled to let her hair down more with you being there if you're the one she has serious discussions with about her life problems rather than the others if she keeps things with them more light hearted.
I was the left out one from a friends bowling party when we were 14, only found out later, but it was birthday girls choice and she felt for whatever reason she'd have less fun with me there. Even at 14 i understood that, was just gutted the guy i had a crush on also happened to be there coincidentally and ended up playing laser tag against eachother, would've been fun but it wasn't my birthday.

@AlmostAJillSandwich the thing is they're not 14 now but they acted like 14 year olds.

Adults don't act that way, well not decent ones anyway.

It was her birthday to invite who she wanted, and for whatever reason she didn't want you there

Do you know what AlmostAJillSandwich most (adult) humans operate in a way that is not driven solely by overiding selfishness.

The BG's actions have an impact beyond the event. She chose to ignore that impact on someone she spends tine with and relies on in a work team of 6.

Unless there's some extreme backstory that OP omitted telling us then, then it is clear that the amount of hurt to the OP would be greater than any 'upset' felt by the BG by including her.

If BG has such a problem with OP that she couldn't include her, then she needs to explain what the problem is, because if that's the case, she's being two faced! Again not the characteristic of a normal mature adult.