Pink highlights and husband is mad

[BBCONEANDTWO]

Hi - I went to hairdressers for cut and blow dry - my hairdresser had a cancelled appointment so I got my hair highlighted with pink and blonde. (It's more pinky than blonde). I'm 54, yes I guess I'm getting older, but I DO like it. So my OH has just come in and he's going mad saying 'how old do you think you are?' etc etc. I'm really kinda hurt but also angry and I guess I should have said I was gonna do a 'radical change' (it is for me I'm soooo boring) but how could I - I didn't know hairdresser was gonna be free and I did it on the spur of the moment. Now I'm feeling like crap boo hoooooooo

If my partner came home with a Paul McCartney style do I'd say 'nah, I don't like that'. I wouldn't lose my shit though!

Fuck him. Is it his hair that you've borrowed, or is it your own?

Sounds great. Good on you. I am planning on doing this too. Similar age. If you like it, that is great.

What's it to him. Freaking hell.

OP your husband is a grumpy old man and you are my hero.

I want pink hair now. Let's see a pic!

The point is that even if my DH came home with something I really hated with his dress or hair or a piercing I would still try to have a tactful response if he asked my opinion. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings because I care about him.

I also wouldn't assume that my feelings about his appearance were more important than his own.

Your husband would hate being married to me then. My hair has been every colour under the sun.
The most my husband had said is something like, it doesn't look as good as when you had it so and so colour.
At the moment I'm sporting violet with pink and blonde flashing through it
I'm 56.
Next time your husband comments just tell him to take a look in the mirror then take a hike.

"I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings because I care about him."

You've never hurt your dh's feelings? He's a lucky man.

If my dh came home unexpectedly with a green mohican I don't think I'd be able to stop myself blurting out wtf have you done.

It's a shame he doesn't like it op, but you do. So as many pp have said, have the courage of your convictions and enjoy it. It's not for everyone, but you love it so that really is all that matters.

I'm sure your hair looks lovely BBC. Your DH is just being a grumpy old man. I'm 61 and have masses of naturally curly hair dyed a bright ginger
and have NO idea of toning it down. Don't go quietly into the night ladies, why should we get old and boring?

Some of the posts on here, good grief!

SOME women need to get past this bizarre mindset that if a man DARES to suggest that he doesn't like a particular thing about you (a certain dress, or hairstyle, or the idea of you having a tattoo!) that he is a controlling fucker, and is being abusive, and you need to LEAVE THE BASTARD.

It's an insult to women who are actually IN abusive and controlling relationships. He is entitled to an opinion, and to say what you intend to do (or have done) sounds daft, and may not suit you. (Just as YOU are entitled to say the same to him.)

I have seen multiple threads on here where a woman says they HATE their husband's beard or moustache, and 4 out of 5 posters come on the thread supporting her, and saying 'withdraw sex,' and refuse to kiss him, and refuse to go out in public with him.

Yet when someone posts about their MAN saying they dislike something about their appearance; it's a totally different story. 'DO NOT let this man tell you what to do! Do what you want! it has fuck-all to do with him!!!' Mumsnet double standards at its finest.

Why on EARTH do some people on here think that the opinion of the man they call their life partner, the love of their life, their soulmate, and who they chose to fucking MARRY, and profess to love, think that he can fuck off with his opinions, because I SHALL DO WHAT I LIKE, AND AIN'T NO MAN GONNA TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT!'

Why are his opinions not worthy? I bet you expect YOURS to be.

If YOUR man came home with a bright purple Mohawk, and his beard dyed green, would you be OK with that? Would you be OK with walking around Morrisons doing the 'big shop' with him?

No you bloody wouldn't. And quite understandably. You would say 'what the fuck do you look like?' And don't even say you would be OK with it, because you WOULD NOT.

And call me judgemental or bigoted or whatever the fuck you like. I don't care. I am entitled to an opinion. And it's as valid as anyone else's whether you like it or not.

As I said, some of the posts on here! I have never seen so much projection, and defensiveness!

Oh ffs, the LTB comments were meant in jest.

Of course partners can have and express an opinion. But doing so in a way which makes the other feel crap, 'going mad' , undermining confidence is nasty. That of course applies whichever way round it is.

My dh went very quiet when I had my long hair cut short. When asked if he liked it, he replied that it would take some getting used to. I didn't think it was a big deal but he was used to seeing me with very long hair so it was a big change. For his cousins wedding he intends to shave his beard off and I am not so keen ( it is a neat beard and makes him look yummy) and for me it will take some getting used to as well. If you hadn't mentioned that you would be having such a drastic change in hairstyle he is likely shocked however, admonishing you for it is not ok!

Don't disagree with OP saying her body her choice and hair is temporary. However, a few months back a poster was complaining that her DH had a tatoo done that she hated without consultation and most posters thought him inconsiderate!

I’d be quite impressed if dh came home with green hair in a mowhawk.

I had a Mohawk all through my young adulthood. So l think he would great x

Don’t know why l put the x on there.,.

I would absolutely have no trouble if a partner came home with green hair, or a new tattoo, etc. I have coloured hair, tattoos and piercings so I have no issues with others having them or not.

And a partner having an opinion is fine.

What isn't fine is a partner going off the deep end about a change, like the OP's.

Im 54, my short spiky hair was magenta pink up until a few months ago. It was loud and I loved it. Changed it to silver with magenta tips for a bit after that. At this point its back to its own colour for first time in 30 odd years, but just until I go get it done again. Im gonna do silver with multicoloured highlights ( dont know what to call them but done with foils).
My Dh loves the fact he never knows what its gonna look like when I come home. The only time he passed a comment was when I came home with it deep teal and he told me I looked like a leprechaun

Isn't a benefit of getting older giving less of a shit what other people think?

@BBCONEANDTWO are you coming back?

Sorry everyone - still here he's calmed down and said he was sorry! Wish me luck at work today.

@user1491678180 you do realise that what you’re suggesting is that if a man doesn’t like his wife’s hair, he’s entitled to speak to her completely disrespectfully and bandy around cruel comments. Why would you consider that acceptable?!

He doesn’t have to like her hair, but it doesn’t give him the right to be an arsehole (something he has clearly realised, since he has now apologised for his behaviour).

If my husband came home with a change to his appearance that I hated, I actually think I could control myself enough to not inform him that I hated it. But even if I really felt like I needed to tell him that I didn’t like it, I still wouldn’t insult him or make unkind comments.

(And I still think you’ve led a bloody sheltered life if you really think that brightly coloured hair is such a shocking thing)

LOL!

LOL!!

@VivienneHolt

user1491678180 you do realise that what you’re suggesting is that if a man doesn’t like his wife’s hair, he’s entitled to speak to her completely disrespectfully and bandy around cruel comments. Why would you consider that acceptable?!

I never said this. You must have meant to direct that to someone else. OR you have problems with comprehension/reading posts correctly.

If my husband came home with a change to his appearance that I hated, I actually think I could control myself enough to not inform him that I hated it. But even if I really felt like I needed to tell him that I didn’t like it, I still wouldn’t insult him or make unkind comments.

So - according to you, it's OK for YOU to have an opinion on his hair and say it's horrid and you hate it, but not OK for HIM to say anything to you.? Because it's 'cruel' and 'unkind....'?'

Thanks for confirming what I said. Some women on mumsnet are fine with slagging off men and telling them they look shit, and their beard is vile, etc etc, but men MUST NOT CRITISIZE WOMEN.

Thank you also, for further reinforcing my argument, by illustrating PERFECTLY, the double standards on mumsnet!

(And I still think you’ve led a bloody sheltered life if you really think that brightly coloured hair is such a shocking thing)

I never said that either. You REALLY need to read peoples posts properly. I am not 'shocked' by brightly coloured hair on middle aged women (and older) I just think it looks daft. I am entitled to that opinion unfortunately for you.

And I most certainly have not lead a sheltered life. I do think that about the women who get brightly coloured hair, and tattoos in middle age though. They come across as trying to live the youth they never had. To say they were a punk in the 70's (like a pp said earlier in the thread,) and that's why they are dying their hair bright 40 years later, is utterly laughable.