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Original poster

Text found on husbands phone

338 replies

roseyposeypuddingandpie · 20/07/2019 01:10

Him: Can you do lunch next week?
Her: Yes I can do Monday.
Him: Just remember, you are brave and strong, life is a daily battle that you’re winning, Every day gets easier I'm telling you!!! You are beautiful kind, intelligent and hard working, nothing else matters
Oh and you have a good looking boss.
Xxx

What would you think?

OP posts:
Isatis · 20/07/2019 08:01

Apparently I'm pathetic, immature for being upset so he's done with our relationship. (He's said this many times before)

So tell him to get the fuck out of it.

Ellabella989 · 20/07/2019 08:01

I would leave if I found a message like that and was then called a cunt for querying it. Trust and respect in a relationship are everything. He can’t have his cake and eat it by being married but flirting with work colleagues. If the work colleague flirted back with him then I’m sure he would try and pursue her into some sort of affair. He sounds absolutely vile and very manipulative

Bluntness100 · 20/07/2019 08:02

Two issues,

First one he's the office sleaze. And no one likes that. He's the cringey sleazy stereotypical boss drooling over the women and abusing his position of power.

Second one, he treats you like shit. Why are you putting up with it?

LonelyTiredandLow · 20/07/2019 08:02

Seen this played out so many times; male bossses abusing their position of power to hoover up emotional wrecks in the office. He will have done it before is my bet.

From his responses "it would be easier if you didn't love him" sticks as this would assuage his guilt. He wants free reign to do this and you being there is unfortunately making him feel bad - diddums! I'd be fuming and get out while you still have sanity and dignity. Your kids won't thank you for staying with a guy who treats you badly and makes you miserable.

Decormad38 · 20/07/2019 08:03

It would have been ok had he not written about her being beautiful and about him being good looking. That has taken it to a different level - a flirtatious one. Sorry op x

Ginger1982 · 20/07/2019 08:04

@Flopt

Why would I do this? He's my husband, I don't want a tribunal, how would that do my family any good? We have three kids together.

Why would you not do this?? Why would you stay with someone who speaks to you like that? How is it doing your kids any good? Your husband is disgusting.

namemcnamechange · 20/07/2019 08:05

I would be inclined to believe that nothing is physically happening but he’s definitely interested in her and it’s highly inappropriate. I’d be asking him what his HR department would make of it and wether they would be “pathetic” like you Hmm

Lawnmowingsucks · 20/07/2019 08:06

Because this is what they think relationships look like. They think that the drama and abuse are passionate signs of love.

If it quacks and waddles, eh? Ah well .... some people can't be helped

LadyRannaldini · 20/07/2019 08:07

If I thought that somone was stalking my phone then I might just get a few juicy texts sent to it!

VictoriaBun · 20/07/2019 08:09

Just remember, you are brave and strong, life is a daily battle that you’re winning, Every day gets easier I'm telling you!!! You are beautiful kind, intelligent and hard working, nothing else matters

And your a c**t !

I think he's trying to tell you something. I'd be hearing that as - ' Yes I, am the c**t that's packing for you now, off you trot ! '

31RueCambon · 20/07/2019 08:10

He sounds such a horrible man. Lavishing compliments inappropriately on a subordinate at work and then calling his wife a cunt and telling her to fuck off and grow up.

OP, if he's ''done'' with the relationship, that is a blessing for you. Take him at his word.

Philmitchell · 20/07/2019 08:10

LTB!

Ellapaella · 20/07/2019 08:14

So he's told you to leave? That the marriage is done? What are you waiting for op - pack his bags, throw them out the window and wave him goodbye.

ptumbi · 20/07/2019 08:15

The text I read as a friendly, supportive text. Maybe she is going through a tough time and he has been helping her, - seriously? If my Boss sent me a text like that, even if I was going through a hard time, I'd be a) looking for another job and b) going to HR.

OP - what do you want from this? Us to say 'it's normal, there is nothing in it, you have 3 kids so don't rock the boat and jsut put up with whatever shit he throws at you. For ever'??

Not going to do that. You and your kids will be better off without this terrible role Model dad and Husband. Take your 'love' for him out of the equation and think about the actual PERSON who has done this to you and your kids. Do you love that man? Cos there is precious little to actually love, bearing in mind that he doesn't love you or his kids enough to stop flirting with other women or calling you names with such hate.

How can you 'love' someone who hates you so much?

MollyButton · 20/07/2019 08:18

He says it's over - then taking him at his word and pack his bags.

And just think you won't have to support him when he goes through that sexual harassment tribunal. And the humiliation will be far less (gutsy Ex rather than cuckolded wife).

BlueSuffragette · 20/07/2019 08:18

OP it's clear he has no respect for you and he feels the marriage is over. He treats you like shit. You need to move on from this horrible relationship.

kitandkaboodle28 · 20/07/2019 08:21

The text is bad enough but his attitude speaks volumes. People only get that defensive when they have something to hide and there is never any excuse to speak to someone you love like that.

If it were me I would be taking some time out to think about whether this is the life and person I want.

Redwinestillfine · 20/07/2019 08:25

Completely innapropriate. Particularly if she's vulnerable and going through a tough time. Irrespective of whether he's married (which is a whole other issue).

MamaNewtNewt · 20/07/2019 08:26

I have mental health issues and a male colleague is in the same boat so we check in with each other and provide support. I think most of your DH's message is ok, if a bit over the top, to a colleague who is having a hard time. However the reference to her being beautiful and him being good looking is WAY over the line. For context I'd class my work colleague as a friend but the way we phrase our support never strays into that arena. We say things like remember you are strong and brave (for dealing with issues) and awesome at your job and a nice person.

Aside from the fact it's inappropriate for your DH to send a message like that to another woman, as he is her boss he is on very dodgy ground. Even if it is innocent and he's not intending to flirt he needs to think how this could be perceived and the power imbalance between the two of them. If she went to HR with that message I have a feeling it would be taken pretty seriously.

upple · 20/07/2019 08:31

She's not exactly slow in agreeing to lunch next week, suggesting Monday sounds keen.

Ghanagirl · 20/07/2019 08:35

@SuperSara
Why were you going through his phone @roseyposeypuddingandpie ?
Maybe because she doesn’t trust him

QuickThinkOfAName · 20/07/2019 08:42

Upple - I don't think we can read too much into her response. He's her boss. Maybe she feels obliged to. Maybe (I suspect this is true) he has been supporting her through a rough period and she sees his as a nice friendly thing to offer. She's not being flirtatious. However I stand by my point that preying on a woman in distress is a bit predatory.

Op - so sorry. I hope you're still around. This can't be easy to read. I hope you understand we all care about you and your children and that's why we're telling you the truth. None of us want to see you hurt any more.

foreverhanging · 20/07/2019 08:45

Jesus op, LTB like yesterday!

Orangeballon · 20/07/2019 08:45

He is very nasty, he does not love you, plan to split with this man, make sure you are secure.

Pinktinker · 20/07/2019 08:45

Ok so would he be happy if you text one of your colleagues in a similar fashion? I’m guessing not. His reaction speaks volumes too. If it was something and nothing he’d likely shrug it off but he overreacted, became defensive and called you a cunt.

Something is going on or he at least wants it to.

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