Text found on husbands phone

[roseyposeypuddingandpie]

Him: Can you do lunch next week?
Her: Yes I can do Monday.
Him: Just remember, you are brave and strong, life is a daily battle that you’re winning, Every day gets easier I'm telling you!!! You are beautiful kind, intelligent and hard working, nothing else matters
Oh and you have a good looking boss.
Xxx

What would you think?

Tell him to get out of your house and go text whoever the f”?! He likes

He’s a gaslighting little shit

@Flopt

Why would I do this? He's my husband, I don't want a tribunal, how would that do my family any good? We have three kids together.

@Flopt

I think he is gaslighting actually. I've thought this for a while

@QuickThinkOfAName

He does speak to me like this all the time actually. If I say anything he says I'm just clinging on to every word to try to make him look bad so I'm manipulative and twisting things, he even sometimes denies he said it in the first place.

Bloody hell. I don't do this often but

LTB

"Apparently I'm pathetic, immature for being upset so he's done with our relationship. (He's said this many times before)"
Take him at his word. File for divorce. I am being serious.

This is "not the first time I've found messages like this to female employees" - and nor will it be the last if you stay with him. Again. As far as he's concerned, you've put up with it before, so why should he change? You've put up with being called a cunt, so why shouldn't he call you it again?

He has no respect for you. And where there's no respect, there cannot be love. I know you say you love him, but I don't see how that's possible. I think what you love is some imaginary version of him, possibly one her persuaded you was the real him earlier in your relationship.

If he can treat you like this - repeatedly - your marriage is a marriage in name only. You will be much better off without someone who calls you pathetic and a cunt whilst he flirts with his juniors tight under your nose. Get rid.

He’s manipulating you .

I would be kicking him out. Immediately. Until he admits he’s a lying little flirty bastard shit at the very least . Depending on what else you learn , I’d certainly be considering leaving him permanently unless he seriously kisses my feet or ending the marriage .

Sorry OP . You do have three kids. Exactly why HE shouldn’t be flirting with other women and putting your marriage in jeopardy.

He’s done that , not you . You don’t have a choice .

See the way he speaks to you is a massive red flag. I agree with pp. he's gaslighting you.

He twists what you say and denies saying stuff.

I can't say what's going on with this woman at work. But it doesn't look good. And you say it's not the first time. It won't be the last.

Plus and this is quite a big thing for me. It's not her pushing anything. It's him. And it looks like she's in a vulnerable state at the moment as he's offering support. It strikes me as a bit predatory.

I don't want to say ltb as I think it's a decision you have to come to yourself. I can only tell you that I would leave. It's not worth my mental health to be gaslit by the one person who should have my back. More importantly children are more observant than they seem. They will certainly pick up on any tension let alone the lack of respect he has for you.

But what do you want to do?

is she ill, sounds to me like hes trying to be kind in a jokey bloke way...did you ask accusingly, or did you ask calmly....maybe something going on but maybe not

I'd have it out too. I couldn't sit on such a text. "You are beautiful" is so inappropriate - and you get called a c*nt! CF of the highest order.

Yanbu. 💐

‘It's not the first time I've found messages like this to female employees. He says it's just the way he speaks to them...’

His line management & HR will be interested in this ‘coaching’ style.

Wow what a charmer. You need to ltb. What this would do to your kids would teach them how to value themselves and not be treated awfully every day and just take it. He can still be their dad, just not your awful husband. You deserve much better and so do your kids.

Sorry OP, wildly inappropriate. I would never message my male staff in this way.

If he speaks to you like this all the time, perhaps it's time to move on, text messages aside, you deserve better.

i wouldnt put up with being called names though....

He's a piece of crap for trying to make you feel bad about his inappropriateness, because he definitely is being inappropriate.

That's simply not the way a boss speaks to an employee. It's far too flirty. Either they're in some sort of relationship beyond a normal boss/employee camaraderie or he's being incredibly creepy toward her. Neither situation is good.

His response to your comment was very telling. If he really is just her boss and he is being nice to her, your query would have been met with an explanation and nothing more. "She's one of my team, going through a bad patch, sorry if you got upset but we're just colleagues".

The fact that he blew up and called you pathetic and an immature c*nt is a huge red flag. He has something to hide and you found him out - that's why he blew up like that.

Holy shit. What a bastard. He isn't bothered though, is he? He knows he can speak to you like this, and you won't want to rock the boat. He's done it before, you said.

Prove him wrong. Your kids will thank you eventually.

Ask him how he would feel finding messages of this nature from you to a man, or men?! I guarantee he'd not be cool with it.

He's also definitely gaslighting you. You deserve better. I know that's easy to say, but it's true. Horrible man.

He called you an immature c**t. He is deflecting. Any man who loves a woman would never resort to such horrible name calling or text another woman even if to cheer her up so to speak. Isn't his job. He will more than likely cheat on you if he hasn't already.

Does he talk much about work and his colleagues in normal circumstances? If this person really is in a bad way and he is genuinely concerned, why hasn't he mentioned it as part of the debrief of the day to you? I presume he also didn't mention he was meeting her for lunch?

When was the last time you both went for lunch/dinner?

Whatever is going on, he should not be speaking to you in that manner. I would call his bluff and say you will meet them at ???? as perhaps you might be of help to her. Bet his chin hits the ground at that suggestion.

Oh OP. I’m sorry. He’s a bastard. Whether it’s an affair or not, he is flirting with someone then telling you you’re awful and pathetic for him being hugely inappropriate for a married man (at the least). He’s a shit. My love I’m very sorry but you cannot carry on a relationship with somehow who treats you so badly. You have three children - would you want any of them to put up with this?

What a horrible little man. Hope you can see you're worth more than this.
He's just upset that he's been called out on his imnapropriate behaviour and is trying to deflect onto you. Don't accept the blame.

Wow, what an over-reaction. C*nt? Really?
He's trying to bully you in an overbearing manner to intimidate you into dropping this immediately. I know this routine... sadly
His response tells you everything you need to know about what he's up to...
Good luck OP

Leave
He doesn't even like you by the sounds of it.
He wants in this person's pants.