Text found on husbands phone

[roseyposeypuddingandpie]

Him: Can you do lunch next week?
Her: Yes I can do Monday.
Him: Just remember, you are brave and strong, life is a daily battle that you’re winning, Every day gets easier I'm telling you!!! You are beautiful kind, intelligent and hard working, nothing else matters
Oh and you have a good looking boss.
Xxx

What would you think?

"Packing your bags and leaving? Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out."

He came in and told me that if I send one more message he's packing his bags and leaving.

Tell him from me: 'Off you fuck then. And watch out for the sexual harassment tribunal(s) coming your way.-

What a creep

Happy for you to relay to him what my thoughts are on all this since he’s so annoyed Mumsnetters know what a div he is.

1. he’s massively inappropriate as a boss and probably
2. his way of talking to his wife is disgusting
3. he handles conflict in an immature way
4. No, he can’t just send what he likes to who he likes without consequences
5. yes, he is entirely in the wrong here and deserves to be kicked out on his arse
6. he can send messages like that but his wife can’t send another message on mumsnet or he’ll blow his top?! Haha fuck off, matey.

I like to think that my dh would only call me a c*nt once.
He sounds vile, wave him off cheerfully when he packs his bags and leaves

i have not rtwt just first page..

that is not a supportive kind boss or even friend type txt..

if it was it would go like this:

him: would you like to have lunch on monday , we can talk about whats worrying you then
her: yes thanks that would be helpful
him: if you need any more support have you thought about occupational health or HR..i would be happy to facilitate this for you. You are not alone and the company is keen to support you

what he said was hugely inappropriate, a bit of office flirting is ok by me, i like a bit of banter etc ..but on a personal message on a phone and the kisses etc ..NO very much affair territory, confirmed by his attitude towards the OP

This is written by a poster who did have an affair ( not with my boss) and i can recognise the style of message..sorry OP, and i am not proud of my behaviour at all.

No idea where the random ‘and probably’ came from!!

He's gaslighting you. Probably to hide the fact that he's been cheating on you repeatedly/preparing to leave.

Divorce him, or accept that he's sleeping with other people (or, at best, trying to).

It sounds as though he is trying to help someone through a difficult time.

Only a really naive person would beleive that. He treats his wife like dirt, and I bet he uses her as a beard to excuse his creepy behaviour to his female staff.

He is totally at it! And his behaviour towards you is awful. Think you can do better than this horrible man.

@Theredjellybean exactly. And the employee tries to drag him back to an appropriate boundary by mentioning how the company have been supportive. She is making it clear that she sees this as a professional relationship and wants nothing more. He ignored her clear signs and sent her a message mentioning how beautiful she is and how good looking he is

It sounds as though he is trying to help someone through a difficult time

No it doesn't.

Wow. You guys are couple goals

NRTFT but there is no way I would put up and shut up if I saw that text. It is every sort of wrong. So sorry OP.

You really think you are giving your children a good example of what sort of relationship they should attain to by staying with someone who yells at you and calls you a cunt?

Let him be a sleazy douche bag and shag around all the young pretty girls at work whilst you keep your self respect and walk away from this abusive dick.

OP: given you did post here for advice, I'm going to posit an observation. It may be that you won't like it or accept it. But it's not made in the spirit of goading; it's made from a genuine desire to help you drop those scales from your eyes. You posted here asking others what they would think to this message and your husband's subsequent behaviour. They're telling you. But over the last few pages, you've become very confrontational with PPs who have taken time out of their day to post answers: because I'm assuming they are not the answers you wanted to hear.

You discovered your husband's message. Your husband then turned this around against you - this is a classic abuser's tactic BTW, in case you weren't aware - to the point where he even emotionally blackmailed you about leaving the relationship. PPs read the same message and his response to you, and told you how inappropriate and unacceptable they would find such conduct. And now you're turning in anger back against them.

I'm suggesting to you that this anger, which both you and your D[?]H are directing against those who question that behaviour, is borne out of the knowledge on some level that those doing the questioning have this bang to rights. Another interesting factor is that there's a pattern emerging here. Don't you see what that is?

I can easily understand the perspective of anger against those doing the assuming about the sex workers. But your response to this seems not only incredibly naive, but a wilful blindness to unpalatable facts. Can you think of any other plausible explanation for those particular items being in his car? Not to mention the biggest red flag of all: a not insubstantial amount of cash. In a glovebox? How many transactions in today's cashless society require £300 cash payment, from the context of a car as opposed to the more usual wallet? Open those eyes, OP. Because if you can think of any other compelling reason, I'd be interested to hear it.

It's up to you what you do. I'm not joining the chorus of 'LTB!' because it's not going to affect my life one way of the other whether you stay with this poor excuse for a husband or not. It's your life. But ask yourself this question, OP. Why, exactly, have you posted here asking for help?

I’m so sorry op but you deserve better. He responses to you are not acceptable on any leave and you mustn’t put up with this any longer.

He clearly doesn’t love you to speak to you like this and there is no happiness or future for you in a loveless relationship, particularly where you are being treated so badly.

You need to divorce him and ask him to leave ASAP. He can then have any relationship he wants with his work colleagues and you may find someone who treats you with respect.

OP, you posted on MN that

''My DH earns £300k I don't work, we have three business with a total value of £5m we have a £300k mortgage on an £800k house, our day is at a private school. We live in Surrey where life is expensive and a lot of people have more than us, I would say we're wealthy, not rich.''

Is this why you don't want to leave him ? Do you have your own money ? or is everything in his name ?

It would be a huge change and upheaval, but if you actually are unwilling to allow him to continue to treat you ( and his female employees) so badly, then leave, or make him leave !

No amount of money in the world is worth letting him treat you this badly ! Or it wouldn't be for me anyway.

I hope you make the right decision for you and your children, and I wish you the very best.

He came in and told me that if I send one more message he's packing his bags and leaving.

Good. Send him a few more then tell the sleazeball you'll help him pack.You can do much better than this twat. You deserve better.

op is going to stay with him isn't she ?

@roseyposeypuddingandpie 'dogging' is basically meeting anonymous people in car parks for sex.

Why did you post OP? Being nasty to people here isn't going to change your situation unless you're deflecting your anger and that helps somehow?

You're married to a slimeball who doesn't even respect, let alone love you. I doubt you even respect yourself to put up with this but wait - he earns £300k, you live in a £800k house in Surrey and your DC go to private school. Oh well that's ok then. Never mind being called a cunt, just think of the money. Your relationship bar is set so low its dragging along the ground.

This is someone's real life, people. All very well to say you'd walk out in these circumstances, but really? Just like that? Uproot your children's (and your own) comfortable lifestyle without trying to get to the absolute bottom of what may or may not be going on?

I don't really understand this. He's sleazing over his employees and calling you a cunt and threatening to leave, when it should be you telling him what he is, and threatening to leave.

You can't seriously believe he does these things because he may be autistic?

He's doing it because he can. He's abusing his position of power over these young women, and he's abusing you. I hope he does own his own companies, because he would be fired for this in the real world.

I don't know how you can take it and not walk. If my husband ever dared to call me a cunt, which in thirty years of knowing him he never has, then I can assure you it would be the last time he did it.