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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not making DS go on this trip?

179 replies

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 13:48

DS is now approaching the end of year 10. The school is planning a 'gcse bootcamp' trip for all year 11 pupils at the start of term. The trip involves an overnight stay at an outdoor activity centre, revision sessions and team building activities and adventure courses.

DS does not want to go, he went on this kind of trip in primary school and hated it, he also has a game for a sport he plays on the Saturday morning (the trip is overnight on the friday) that he doesn't want to miss.

The school have called me and said the trip is very important for GCSE preparation and he should be attending.

I'm finding it hard to see just how much essential GCSE prep can be done in a less than 24 hour trip and am thinking if he doesn't want to go then it's no big deal.

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 19/07/2019 13:52

I would send him. If school have recommended it as a good start to this very important year then you should respect that and back up their plans.

I don’t imagine the teachers are planning it for their own benefit.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 13:55

When I say he hated the trip to a similar place in primary I mean he really really hated it and the whole experience dented his confidence rather than helping it so I can understand why he doesn't want to go.

They are literally going to be there for one evening, a morning and part of the afternoon, if they are doing outdoor activities I cant see that hes going to miss much vital revision.

OP posts:

Pinktinker · 19/07/2019 13:55

I would send him too. Actually sounds pretty fantastic and helpful.

Pinktinker · 19/07/2019 13:56

They are literally going to be there for one evening, a morning and part of the afternoon,

Then I’m sure he can suck it up, he’s a big boy now.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 13:57

He may be a 'big boy' but things like this make him anxious.

OP posts:

OrchidFlakes · 19/07/2019 14:00

Going against the grain here but I wouldn’t send him. If the school think the revision is essential they would surely be doing it in an academic location (practical subjects excluded).

Kids have to have their voice heard too and schools seem too keen to push the agenda for the majority and not for all. Inclusion doesn’t start and stop with SEN.

If he doesn’t want to go and has other commitments then the school need to respect that and the boundary of parental response.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/07/2019 14:01

I hated these things too at school. I was forced to go and hated every second of it. I personally wouldn't send him.

LittleFairywren · 19/07/2019 14:01

I wouldn't make him go he's old enough to make his own decisions. It's not like he's refusing to attend his GCSE exams.

Fightthebear · 19/07/2019 14:02

I agree with Orchid.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 14:04

If it was extra revision sessions at school I would absolutely send him, he went in early for revision sessions leading up to his mocks.

He hates all the abseiling, climbing adventure kind of stuff and I dont see how its helpful for gcses anyway.

OP posts:

LIZS · 19/07/2019 14:06

Primary was 4/5 years ago, he needs the opportunity to get a positive outlook on a residential and find supportive pupils. Is it feasible for him to do the first part and be collected next day for match , or just miss one match?

LizzieBananas · 19/07/2019 14:06

Is the game he is missing county or above? They may make an expecting for that.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 14:08

I think he should go. He is a whole different person now than he was at primary school and although he didn't enjoy the experience then with new people and at an older age he may enjoy it now.

Original poster

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 14:10

He's been on overnight trips since to non outdoorsy places, he just doesn't like that kind of thing.

The match isn't county level but its doing something he enjoys and is good at and that gives him more confidence than being jollied along to do things he doesn't want to.

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 19/07/2019 14:12

I hated all that stuff too. I don't understand why PPs are saying to make him go. It isn't essential and he's old enough to know what he does or doesn't enjoy.

ShatnersWig · 19/07/2019 14:13

Q: What have "team building activities and adventure courses" got to do with GCSE preparation?

A: Fuck all.

Don't send him. Very important GCSE preparation should be done in school, not at an activity centre. And not involve any time on a weekend.

thecatinthetwat · 19/07/2019 14:13

I think you’re fine to not send him. That said, I think you should consider finding something residential he would enjoy and get him a good revision guide.

HappyDinosaur · 19/07/2019 14:14

I also think you should make him go, it will be good for him and is only one night.

RavenLG · 19/07/2019 14:16

he’s a big boy now
I'm surprised people still have this 'man up' attitude still, very detrimental.

I would listen too him too, it's not like this is a new experience and he's not giving it a go, and if it would affect him TO go then I wouldn't send him either. I too fail to see how outdoor / physical activities help with GCSE revision (apart from maybe as a stress reliever). Can you do extra revision sessions with him to negate the time he will miss from school / attending?

MatchSetPoint · 19/07/2019 14:16

I wouldn’t make him go, if he doesn’t want to. I would of hated it if my Mum made me do things I didn’t want to do. One overnight trip is not going to affect his GCSE results. I think the school are being melodramatic, no school I know has an overnight trip that is so important it would affect GCSEs.

It’s time for him to start making his own decisions.

Geminijes · 19/07/2019 14:16

Are parents expected to pay for the trip?

If it was essential to his GCSE's then the school should pay.

I would do what you think is best for your son. You know your son better than any teacher so you make the decision.

He won't fail or do badly in his GCSE's just because he doesn't attend a 24 hour trip.

AvengerDanvers95 · 19/07/2019 14:18

I wouldn't make him go, he has a prestanding commitment to his sport.

How much GCSE prep can they get done anyway? Say they're there for 20 hours, 9 is sleeping time, 3 is meals, one is getting ready for the day, 3 on activities, they'll do maybe 4 hours revision. I'm sure he could do that at home over the weekend.

MrsMozartMkII · 19/07/2019 14:18

I wouldn't send him.

Apart from him not wanting to go he has a prior commitment.

Mallowmarshmallow · 19/07/2019 14:19

I'm also surprised by the amount of 'ignore his clear expression of not wanting to go and send him anyway'.

No wonder our mens' mental health is in such a terrible state in this country if this is how we treat our boys.

I would congratulate him on recognising and expressing his wishes and being brave enough to stand up and go against the grain. And no, I most certainly wouldn't send him.

GnomeDePlume · 19/07/2019 14:19

Unless the exam centre is half way down a cliff then I can't see how time spent abseiling is going to help him with his GCSE prep.

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