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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not making DS go on this trip?

179 replies

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 13:48

DS is now approaching the end of year 10. The school is planning a 'gcse bootcamp' trip for all year 11 pupils at the start of term. The trip involves an overnight stay at an outdoor activity centre, revision sessions and team building activities and adventure courses.

DS does not want to go, he went on this kind of trip in primary school and hated it, he also has a game for a sport he plays on the Saturday morning (the trip is overnight on the friday) that he doesn't want to miss.

The school have called me and said the trip is very important for GCSE preparation and he should be attending.

I'm finding it hard to see just how much essential GCSE prep can be done in a less than 24 hour trip and am thinking if he doesn't want to go then it's no big deal.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 19/07/2019 14:19

I wouldn't make him go. Who's paying? I thought schools were all totally cash-strapped.

Frankly, i used to hate all that enforced team-work stuff before we went, but on the trips i always got right into it and had fun. Definitely the anticipation being worse than the event.

OTOH: i fail to see how all that will help in GCSEs. They are not a team sport.

AppleKatie · 19/07/2019 14:20

I wouldn’t make him.

No ‘essential’ gcse revision occurs over 24 hours in September so that’s bollocks to start with.

He is independent and able to stay away at places he enjoys you say? So you’ve ticked that life skills box.

He has friends in his year at school already presumably?

He doesn’t like outdoor activities- that’s a valid choice.

He has a sports match already scheduled for that day that he looks forward too?

This trip also presumably costs money? School can jog on.

catzrulz · 19/07/2019 14:22

As a nurse once said to me "Everybody is different, and every body is different".
You know your DS, I hate when people are all "oh, send them, they'll love it". Not everybody likes these kind if activities, he's old enough for you and him to know if it would benefit him or not.
I'm of the don't send him, I'd have hated that as a child and even now hate role play/team building shite. Out of our 3 DC, only 1 would have liked that.

sugarbum · 19/07/2019 14:24

Normally I'd say make him go (as someone who just made her y7 go on a residential) however in this particular situation, I'd say no. It would be like a punishment for him when he hasn't done anything to deserve it. If he really wants to play his game, then thats what he should do.
I also cannot fathom how a trip in September would have any impact on GCSE revision.

MirandaWest · 19/07/2019 14:24

Is this a bootcamp at the beginning of September? I can’t see how that would be essential to GCSEs (and I also have a DS just finishing year 10)

SimonJT · 19/07/2019 14:25

He doesn’t want to go so he shouldn’t have to, a parents job is to make sure their childs needs are met, that includes their mental health and wellbeing.

@Pinktinker A big boy now?! Are you living in the dark ages?

breakfastpizza · 19/07/2019 14:25

Hardly essential to his school career. I'd let him stay home. Makes you wonder why they are pushing it so strongly?

MirandaWest · 19/07/2019 14:26

Plus he doesn’t want to go. I wouldn’t make him

Grammar · 19/07/2019 14:26

Dont make him go!
Honestly, going back a few years, army cadets etc... thought they were teaching resilience. Not so. So many children hated it, were blighted by these things and never forgot it.
I'm no soft touch, but trust your intuition and your son and stand up to the system!

PumpkinPie99 · 19/07/2019 14:27

I'm not a mum, but personally if it was my kid there's no way I would force them to go.
If made to go, he will most like be worrying about it for the next couple of months. The anxiety just wouldn't be worth it and would most likely outweigh the benefits.

IamWaggingBrenda · 19/07/2019 14:28

Definitely would NOT make him go. It sounds like it would be more detrimental than helpful, and I really don’t see the point. It strikes me as the sort of thing that is only helpful for outgoing, sporty children, and a nightmare for anyone else.

FishCanFly · 19/07/2019 14:29

don't send him. such activities are a waste if forced. especially if he has other commitments for that weekend.

AreWeAnywhereNear · 19/07/2019 14:31

My DS is the same age and of the same opinion, he never wants to go to anything which involves leaving a chair. I do make him as he always enjoys himself and as I say to him it's for a short period and once it's done it's done. The more it's happened the better he getsish.

In my opinion we all have to do things in life we don't really want to do but sometimes you just have to. It's a life lesson. I've had a shit week and am totally fed up of adulting but unfortunately I don't have a choice but to get on with it, I could just say fuck it but my DCs need me to step up.

Original poster
Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 14:32

The school is funding the trip which is really good of them and I agree it will be great for some kids, just not for DS this time.

OP posts:
WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 19/07/2019 14:32

YANBU

I wouldn't make him go on the trip .. From past experiences your DS gets nothing from them, whereas his sport he does get a lot from .

AnyFucker · 19/07/2019 14:32

Don't make him go.

OhNoooNotAgain · 19/07/2019 14:33

If it was critical to school, they shouldn't be holding it on a weekend

MrsSpenserGregson · 19/07/2019 14:34

I wouldn't make him go either. For all the reasons already stated.

luckylavender · 19/07/2019 14:34

I wouldn't send him. You also need to show him that you value him wanting to play sport - that's who he is.

S1naidSucks · 19/07/2019 14:34

Don’t force the poor lad to go to something he’d hate. That’s horrible. My oldest would have been so stressed by something like that, he’d not be able to benefit from any studying. My middle boy, on the other hand, would have racing through the activities and going back to the start so he could have another go. but he’d do feck all studying

All kids have their loves and hates. Would you want to be forced go on one of those stupid team building course, that many companies waste their money on?

ReanimatedSGB · 19/07/2019 14:35

Nope. Wank like this is similar to those ghastly workplace 'team-building' trips: of no real benefit other than to line the pockets of those who sell them. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to go. It doesn't hurt anyone else for him to decline, and it's better for a child to learn that you can politely and firmly stand your ground rather than do something you don't want to do.

JemSynergy · 19/07/2019 14:36

I wouldn't insist he goes. My son has just come back from an activity trip with school and he didn't have a very good time. Third time he's been away on this type of residential school trip and he has never really enjoyed them. I actually feel bad about the fact I'd encouraged him to go on this particular one as he especially hated it. I've have said he doesn't have to go on any others in the future should he wish not to.

CarolDanvers · 19/07/2019 14:36

No you're not. I hated stuff like this growing up. I remember being forced to go on guide camp and despising every second. I still remember how desperate and powerless I felt being stuff there. Let him make his own choice.

JacquesHammer · 19/07/2019 14:37

Don’t send him.

Why force him to do something he doesn’t want? Children should be heard.

TheKitchenWitch · 19/07/2019 14:37

Of course you shouldn't make him go. FFS this has absolutely fuck all to do with school or education. It is a team building "fun" outdoorsy event that he is perfectly capable of assessing as to whether he'd enjoy or not.

I'm quite shocked that so many posters are advocating ignoring a child's preference and wishes about something like this.

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